Spouse’s ex moved back, rejoined friend circle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this situation?

Your spouse’s ex has moved back in town and is getting invited by mutual friends to group activities where your spouse will also be, sometimes without you. They were both part of a tight group of friends before you entered the picture. Since then, ex had fallen off the face of the earth.

They broke up over a decade ago because of the out-of-state move and never planning on moving back. Is it reasonable to ask spouse not to go out with the friend group when I’m not there? Relevant details: married 10+ years with kids and currently going through a rough patch.

dont get fat!

[Anonymous]

Focus on your rough patch issues. I assume those started before she moved back?

[Anonymous]

Not reasonable! They aren't even the same people now. Get a grip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait… your spouse is raising the children alone? Their spouse left town and left the kids?

Is reading that hard for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

Teens? You’re being ridiculous. I’m friendly with two of my husbands HS GFs and I’ve never given it a thought, but maybe now I will just to drive him crazy. When you said ex I thought you meant a former wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

Oh FFS.

[Anonymous]

Insecurity is not attractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

They were TEENAGERS? You're crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not reasonable! They aren't even the same people now. Get a grip

+1000

They were 17-18 when they dated and now they're 31? Come on.

If my husband told me I couldn't hang out with my high school ex-boyfriend I'd laugh him out the door. Married 15 years with two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

Are you feeling nervous because the only reason they broke up was so ex gf could go to college, not because the relationship had run its course, and now that she’s back, you think they just might pick up where they left off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait… your spouse is raising the children alone? Their spouse left town and left the kids?

Is reading that hard for you?

You sound insane.

Get therapy asap.

[Anonymous]

You can't prevent cheating by having rules for your spouse. It's not within your control.

You can express your vulnerabilities and fears. You can ask for understanding and validation. But ultimately you cannot prevent yourself from being hurt by controlling other people.

The truth is that we will all be hurt in life. We'll lose people and things that we love through rejection, growing apart, death, etc. Knowing that that will happen and that we'll be OK is the first step to living a more joyful and serene life.

The more you try to control him and the situation, the more negative energy you'll inject into your marriage. It's a vicious cycle. But you have the power to break it!

If he cheats on you with her or someone else, well, that's because he's got poor judgment and boundaries. That's on him. And you'll be OK.

[Anonymous]

Are you having a rough patch because the spouse’s eye is wandering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this situation?

Your spouse’s ex has moved back in town and is getting invited by mutual friends to group activities where your spouse will also be, sometimes without you. They were both part of a tight group of friends before you entered the picture. Since then, ex had fallen off the face of the earth.

They broke up over a decade ago because of the out-of-state move and never planning on moving back. Is it reasonable to ask spouse not to go out with the friend group when I’m not there? Relevant details: married 10+ years with kids and currently going through a rough patch.

Listen to yourself. You're talking about a HS relationship that ran its course 10+ years ago. You sound incredibly controlling and not at all reasonable. This sounds like a Hallmark holiday movie plot. Are you also in a small, quaint town?

[Anonymous]

Teenagers? 🤣🤣 You can’t be serious? OP, you need to get a grip.