Spouse’s ex moved back, rejoined friend circle

[Anonymous]

How would you handle this situation?

Your spouse’s ex has moved back in town and is getting invited by mutual friends to group activities where your spouse will also be, sometimes without you. They were both part of a tight group of friends before you entered the picture. Since then, ex had fallen off the face of the earth.

They broke up over a decade ago because of the out-of-state move and never planning on moving back. Is it reasonable to ask spouse not to go out with the friend group when I’m not there? Relevant details: married 10+ years with kids and currently going through a rough patch.

[Anonymous]

Reasonable.

[Anonymous]

At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

[Anonymous]

If he's going to cheat with her, he's going to do it regardless of if he meets up with the friend group without you. Frankly, I think you're being a bit ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

They're totally boning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry about who my spouse dated as a teen.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine how you can be this controlling and still function.

[Anonymous]

Wait… your spouse is raising the children alone? Their spouse left town and left the kids?

[Anonymous]

Ex BF-Gf? Not ex spouses?

You have no case.

[Anonymous]

Unless you started dating as teens, and you were his rebound after his high school sweetheart left town, then you have no issues here.

You are an adult. She’s not an ‘ex’ they weren’t married and dated for a few months a decade ago.

And this is coming from someone whose husband works for his old prom date. It’s water under the bridge. Either you trust your spouse or you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this situation?

Your spouse’s ex has moved back in town and is getting invited by mutual friends to group activities where your spouse will also be, sometimes without you. They were both part of a tight group of friends before you entered the picture. Since then, ex had fallen off the face of the earth.

They broke up over a decade ago because of the out-of-state move and never planning on moving back. Is it reasonable to ask spouse not to go out with the friend group when I’m not there? Relevant details: married 10+ years with kids and currently going through a rough patch.

Not to ask the obvious but how much is he hanging out with tight knit friend group without you if you have young kids? Also, what positive steps are you both taking to work on the rough patch? Focusing on him seeing an ex girlfriend that he dated at least 13 years ago in a friend group that I’m assuming he doesn’t see that often and only sometimes without you …that seems like putting your energy on the wrong things. Either you are both working in the marriage or you both aren’t. Either you are both making time for each other or you both aren’t. Either you are both pulling your weight with the kids and the household or you both aren’t. Either you are both improving your communication with each other are you both aren’t. You focusing on the ex rejoining the friend group is either a distraction from what you should be focused on or a proxy for the real issue.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not reasonable to ask that. Have some trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

You sound completely insane. Are you always this jealous and controlling over nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

I thought this was a divorced spouse and they had a long history so I was thinking how hard this must be for you. Then you say this is someone he dated for a year in HS. You are ridiculous.