Absolutely repulsed by intimacy

[Anonymous]

OP that is really sad. I do not it think it's normal to feel that way. Are you finding yourself more attracted to women?

[Anonymous]

When we are done ovulating and hit menopause, we no longer can get pregnant so there is no need (from a biological standpoint anyway) to have desire anymore because we can't procreate. The desire was nature's way of ensuring the human race survived. At menopause, the cycle of desire leading up to ovulation and then followed by either a period or pregnancy is finished. This is the process that results in desire. It sucks, but from a physiological and evolutionary viewpoint, totally normal. However, feeling ''repulsed" is a bit strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not alone. I'm 54 and have become basically asexual. I used to love kissing and sex. Hit me about your age after a baby and soon after my DH falling down an ideological rabbit hole of Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, and other repulsive shitstains. But even the fantasy of an affair or the early demise of my DH followed by the hottest guy ever after an appropriate mourning period holds no appeal at all.

I suppose you could go for testosterone HRT. I've decided against that because my vaginal atrophy post menopause is so painful that I don't want to want it.

I'm a DH who pulled out of an ideological nose dive. I fell into that rabbit hole looking for solutions to my wife not wanting to have sex much anymore. The first solutions I found (e.g. do more around the house, date night, touching with no expectations of sex, etc.) didn't do anything. So I kept looking and hit the manosphere. They offered things like work out and dress better, which ... sure. But then it was a little more questionable ... when you do have sex, make sure you act dominant. (How well that work isn't built in, depends on the particular woman's wiring and mood from time to time). Then more and more, it was tough to ignore the rampant misogyny and even racism. At first the misogyny seemed like an unfortunate side to what might be valuable advice (nothing else was working). But then it became apparent that the whole culture is a misogynistic shit show.

Our sex life never did come back, but at least she loves me and my family life is good. If I'd continued on with the red pill nonsense, my sex life would probably still be bad *and* my home life would be terrible.

This is interesting. My husband fell into a prepper thing about 15 years ago. The thing that got him out of it was a realization that a lot of it was racist at heart. I'm sure there are people who are not, but I think these worlds overlap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not alone. I'm 54 and have become basically asexual. I used to love kissing and sex. Hit me about your age after a baby and soon after my DH falling down an ideological rabbit hole of Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, and other repulsive shitstains. But even the fantasy of an affair or the early demise of my DH followed by the hottest guy ever after an appropriate mourning period holds no appeal at all.

I suppose you could go for testosterone HRT. I've decided against that because my vaginal atrophy post menopause is so painful that I don't want to want it.

I'm a DH who pulled out of an ideological nose dive. I fell into that rabbit hole looking for solutions to my wife not wanting to have sex much anymore. The first solutions I found (e.g. do more around the house, date night, touching with no expectations of sex, etc.) didn't do anything. So I kept looking and hit the manosphere. They offered things like work out and dress better, which ... sure. But then it was a little more questionable ... when you do have sex, make sure you act dominant. (How well that work isn't built in, depends on the particular woman's wiring and mood from time to time). Then more and more, it was tough to ignore the rampant misogyny and even racism. At first the misogyny seemed like an unfortunate side to what might be valuable advice (nothing else was working). But then it became apparent that the whole culture is a misogynistic shit show.

Our sex life never did come back, but at least she loves me and my family life is good. If I'd continued on with the red pill nonsense, my sex life would probably still be bad *and* my home life would be terrible.

This is interesting. My husband fell into a prepper thing about 15 years ago. The thing that got him out of it was a realization that a lot of it was racist at heart. I'm sure there are people who are not, but I think these worlds overlap.

A common thread ends up being folks who value a patriarchal hierarchy. Twenty years ago, I would have laughed off that kind of phrase. But it's tough to unsee these days. It's at the root of so much right wing culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here, OP. I love my husband, he’s a phenomenal partner and father, but anything sexual is disgusting and I just can’t. I try, for his sake, but it’s now become physically painful because I’m just not sexually aroused because I don’t want it.

It’s not anyone else either. I don’t lust after anyone, no crushes on coworkers…just happy to be asexual at this point (39) in my life I guess.

+1. I’m 42. I think this is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies go and talk to an OB GYN who has an expertise in sexual health. Not just somebody who will gaslight you. In the DC area Dr Rachel Rubin’s practice is phenomenal. I was like all of you, zero interest, 50 yrs old, after 4 months on HRT including testosterone gel I feel much better and am starting to feel desire come back. I’m not going to lie I’m not back to my 20 something self but those days are gone. To be open to having sex and interested much of the time has been a big change for me. Also, weekly therapy has helped address other issues in our marriage.

Nobody is gaslighting anybody. It is not abnormal for women in their 40s, getting past childbearing age, to not desire or be totally turned off by sex. There is nothing wrong with any of these women.

Now, the question is do they want to keep the status quo or not? If they don't, then yes there are medical interventions like you describe. But these interventions are to reverse/change what nature has intended. And there is nothing wrong with that either.

LOL If you frame that is a husband problem, i.e. husband is asked to be celibate against his will for the next 30+ years, watch how fast it becomes abnormal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies go and talk to an OB GYN who has an expertise in sexual health. Not just somebody who will gaslight you. In the DC area Dr Rachel Rubin’s practice is phenomenal. I was like all of you, zero interest, 50 yrs old, after 4 months on HRT including testosterone gel I feel much better and am starting to feel desire come back. I’m not going to lie I’m not back to my 20 something self but those days are gone. To be open to having sex and interested much of the time has been a big change for me. Also, weekly therapy has helped address other issues in our marriage.

Nobody is gaslighting anybody. It is not abnormal for women in their 40s, getting past childbearing age, to not desire or be totally turned off by sex. There is nothing wrong with any of these women.

Now, the question is do they want to keep the status quo or not? If they don't, then yes there are medical interventions like you describe. But these interventions are to reverse/change what nature has intended. And there is nothing wrong with that either.

LOL If you frame that is a husband problem, i.e. husband is asked to be celibate against his will for the next 30+ years, watch how fast it becomes abnormal!

This isn't rocket science. It's normal for peoples' sexual preferences to change a lot over the course of a lifetime. It's normal for peoples' sexual preferences to not change a lot over the course of a lifetime. It's not a question of normality. The issue is whether and how you navigate sexual incompatibility when it arises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you hate your husband?

This.

[Anonymous]

I was like this for years after struggling with infertility. I recently got on wellbutrin, and lo and behold it changed my outlook on sex. Definitely was not expecting that.

[Anonymous]

You love your husband like a family member. Just like you love your parents, brothers and sisters but of course don't want to have sex with them.

I am Japanese and my friends in Japan (married women with children) mentioned something like that. OPs reminded me of the conversation I had with them.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that you wouldn’t feel this way with a new partner. Women are wired for serial monogamy. We get tired after a few years and it’s impossible to desire your partner unless they work hard at maintaining the relationship, themselves, and leave space for desire.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was alone in this boat. 55 and post menopausal. Up til 48 or so, high libido but now nothing but ick at the thought of sex, real or imagined. Deeply love my partner so I grin and bear it. OB/Gyn refused HRT - actually suggested Siberian Ginseng (nope). Tried HRT from Hers but worried about side effects. Not sure if anything will help..,

[Anonymous]

Sometimes i feel resentment for my partner, hard to get in the mood for sex. I used to enjoy sex alot when younger. Now im older and have lower need for it, don't even think about it most of the time (not even the hot guys at the gym). I guess i'm perimenopausal at 39. I feel bad as i know he wants it. I feel responsible to do something, and its supposed to be mutually beneficial. i guess this mindset is hard to feel desire the way it used to. The other option is let him have a side piece, but that has other issues, maybe ill get jealous and my body will get attraction back, or maybe ill want a side piece too and then the marriage is over. Perhaps i just need to stop being rigid and try to be flirtatious again. Started HRT recently, see what happens..

[Anonymous]

49 same. I don't think anyone is hot anymore.

[Anonymous]

When my sex drive tanked, I knew it was me and not my DH. I was not ready to accept it, so I went for a vag rejuvenation (laser), which basically resolved the vaginal atrophy without estrogen. Your sensations return, lubrication returns and your orgasms return. Also, no burning, itching, dryness...