Absolutely repulsed by intimacy
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Anonymous
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I’m 42.
I had an amazing sex drive through my 20s and early thirties, but it took a nose dive when I had my first child ten years ago and honestly never recovered. I’ve been perfectly happy not having sex. I don’t have any desires from my husband or anybody else… I’ve been able to “fake it until you make it” but lately it’s completely repulsive to me. The thought of sexual intimacy just makes me want to throw up. My husband tried making out with me last night, and I nearly wanted to crawl up a tree and throw up. Even kissing just makes me want to cringe. I feel awful… I certainly didn’t say that to him. I just sort of pulled away. Is this…normal? is there anything I can do or take? |
Anonymous
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Do you have any desire (even if you would never act on it) for any other partner/setying/alone?
If you are premenopausal and the lack of interest is in all situations not just with your husband you should talk to your doctor abt the new “viagra for women.” (I’m forgetting the name.) |
Anonymous
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You're not alone. I'm 54 and have become basically asexual. I used to love kissing and sex. Hit me about your age after a baby and soon after my DH falling down an ideological rabbit hole of Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, and other repulsive shitstains. But even the fantasy of an affair or the early demise of my DH followed by the hottest guy ever after an appropriate mourning period holds no appeal at all.
I suppose you could go for testosterone HRT. I've decided against that because my vaginal atrophy post menopause is so painful that I don't want to want it. |
Anonymous
I'm a DH who pulled out of an ideological nose dive. I fell into that rabbit hole looking for solutions to my wife not wanting to have sex much anymore. The first solutions I found (e.g. do more around the house, date night, touching with no expectations of sex, etc.) didn't do anything. So I kept looking and hit the manosphere. They offered things like work out and dress better, which ... sure. But then it was a little more questionable ... when you do have sex, make sure you act dominant. (How well that work isn't built in, depends on the particular woman's wiring and mood from time to time). Then more and more, it was tough to ignore the rampant misogyny and even racism. At first the misogyny seemed like an unfortunate side to what might be valuable advice (nothing else was working). But then it became apparent that the whole culture is a misogynistic shit show. Our sex life never did come back, but at least she loves me and my family life is good. If I'd continued on with the red pill nonsense, my sex life would probably still be bad *and* my home life would be terrible. |
Anonymous
| OP, what you're describing doesn't seem like perimenopause, it sounds like you need a therapist. I'm only saying that because you experienced a dip in desire after your baby was born and never recovered. You probably had undiagnosed post partum depression and never got out of that rut. To answer your other question directly, I don't think it is normal to be repulsed by intimacy with the conditions you describe unless you are unhappy with him too. When my kids were small and I was pretending to myself that I still loved my ex, it was ok, but as they became older and less dependent, I found myself thinking that I'd rather put my hand in a blender than have sex with him. It was that lack of desire that made me take a hard look at whether I really loved him anymore or if we were just partners in the company we called our family. After we divorced and I had some therapy, I started dating again and found that I really really like sex after all. |
Anonymous
| Not normal please see your OB. |
Anonymous
| Same op. Its terrible. Even if im watching a tv show or movie the kissing in loud im so 🤢 grossed out. |
Anonymous
I felt like this when I was in a bad marriage. The thought of having sex with my husband was so repulsive that anything that was vaguely related to sex with my husband was also repulsive. I was grossed out if a couple was holding hands. Anyway, I got divorced, started dating, and lo and behold, my sex drive rebounded. I’m remarried now (for five years), and still have a sex drive. |
Anonymous
It's the sheer opposite for me. DH is the only one I would even consider doing to the deed with. But kissing noises on tv nasty!!! |
Anonymous
| Same op |
Anonymous
| Same, OP. This thread is reassuring that it's not just me. |
Anonymous
| Same. Would happily never have sex or fore play again. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you hate your husband? |
Anonymous
| If this isn't psychological (e.g. in spite, hatred for husband) you should ask for and try Viagra. It works for women too. |
Anonymous
*for "it works" it has a physically stimulatory action, but when they trialed it with women it didn't improve sex drive because sex drive is often psychological for women and not a physical issue. |