Absolutely repulsed by intimacy

[Anonymous]

On testosterone, I went from what you're describing to the libido of a teenager. It also helps my mood.

[Anonymous]

I also used to have high sex drive and it just crashed after kids, middle age, stress, etc. Lots of good suggestions in here already, but I would add a few things that worked for me:

- Diet and exercise: I felt bad about my body and didn't want DH to touch it. Once I prioritized feeling good, I was more interested.
- Sexy books: I'm not talking about porn, but racy books helped and some of my favorite novels just reminded me how much I love my husband and our connection, which led to better sex.
- Good lube. I never needed it before so was hard to get started but honestly it not only makes sex more comfortable, it also helps make the sex exciting.

Good luck to all! It's a real challenge.

[Anonymous]

One thing that became apparent to me is this is 100% our bodies and our issue but it does extend to DH. I found that after rejecting him so many times he has mostly stopped trying to initiate. For a 40 year old man i know that he is just using self-restraint (he is a horndog but, he is actively trying to see this as an issue to be solved and isn't pressuring me which honestly is good? because pressure ruins intimacy, but also sucks because i want to feel wanted too? Haha, i guess we are complex!)
When we tried last night he was having erection issues (normal, i know). I guess it just sucks that it extends to his side, we have been married 12 years and its rarely an issue.

The testosterone i've been on a few days and nothing yet but i am hoping the sex drive comes back so i can jump him.

[Anonymous]

I have PCOS and testosterone started giving me a lot of facial hair. Yikes!

PP, the ED with your husband is what happened with my previous partner. Men do tend to have erection problems if they don't feel wanted.

[Anonymous]

I also don’t think this is normal - I would tell your OB. I’ve always had a sex drive even when my kids are little. I am worried about full menopause through - I’m in Peri at 45 and still have a normal drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not alone. I'm 54 and have become basically asexual. I used to love kissing and sex. Hit me about your age after a baby and soon after my DH falling down an ideological rabbit hole of Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, and other repulsive shitstains. But even the fantasy of an affair or the early demise of my DH followed by the hottest guy ever after an appropriate mourning period holds no appeal at all.

I suppose you could go for testosterone HRT. I've decided against that because my vaginal atrophy post menopause is so painful that I don't want to want it.

I think it’s helpful to separate the idea of “intimacy” with only PIV. Orgasms can be achieved (and also be mutual and mutually satisfying) without necessarily including PIV every time.

Creativity and persistence are the keys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also used to have high sex drive and it just crashed after kids, middle age, stress, etc. Lots of good suggestions in here already, but I would add a few things that worked for me:

- Diet and exercise: I felt bad about my body and didn't want DH to touch it. Once I prioritized feeling good, I was more interested.
- Sexy books: I'm not talking about porn, but racy books helped and some of my favorite novels just reminded me how much I love my husband and our connection, which led to better sex.
- Good lube. I never needed it before so was hard to get started but honestly it not only makes sex more comfortable, it also helps make the sex exciting.

Good luck to all! It's a real challenge.

Can you recommend a brand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The psychological angle is really worth exploring. I'm 54, still have a strong libido, but the idea of being intimate with a man has been giving me the ick outside of my fantasy life.

I chalk it up to the rampant misogyny, ongoing repression of women, and rollback of our rights. As much as I'd love to take a great ride on a young stallion, mentally I can't get over the fact that he is genetically part of the problem.

53 and feel the same way!

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. I'm almost 48 and haven't had sex in years and don't want to. I love my husband more than life - it isn't him. It's 100% me.

[Anonymous]

Wow, 48 yo DH here. I have a wonderful, attractive wife.

I feel bad for all the men married to these strange women who profess to never want "intimacy" again. Crazy.

Sounds like divorce is needed in all cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 48 yo DH here. I have a wonderful, attractive wife.

I feel bad for all the men married to these strange women who profess to never want "intimacy" again. Crazy.

Sounds like divorce is needed in all cases.

Give it a few years and you may see things differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone. I'm almost 48 and haven't had sex in years and don't want to. I love my husband more than life - it isn't him. It's 100% me.

PP, how long it has been since you didn't have sex with your DH? Is he still asking for it or satisfying himself somewhere else?

[Anonymous]

Comparing notes, I feel like OP’s experience isn’t uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we are done ovulating and hit menopause, we no longer can get pregnant so there is no need (from a biological standpoint anyway) to have desire anymore because we can't procreate. The desire was nature's way of ensuring the human race survived. At menopause, the cycle of desire leading up to ovulation and then followed by either a period or pregnancy is finished. This is the process that results in desire. It sucks, but from a physiological and evolutionary viewpoint, totally normal. However, feeling ''repulsed" is a bit strong.

Given the current backlash against women, the rampant misogyny online and in our politics, and the slacker nature of many husbands/fathers in typical marriages, I don't think it's surprising that some women feel repulsed by their husbands. Even when I was young and full of raging hormones that gave me a very high libido, I quickly became repulsed by any man who showed disrespect to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we are done ovulating and hit menopause, we no longer can get pregnant so there is no need (from a biological standpoint anyway) to have desire anymore because we can't procreate. The desire was nature's way of ensuring the human race survived. At menopause, the cycle of desire leading up to ovulation and then followed by either a period or pregnancy is finished. This is the process that results in desire. It sucks, but from a physiological and evolutionary viewpoint, totally normal. However, feeling ''repulsed" is a bit strong.

Given the current backlash against women, the rampant misogyny online and in our politics, and the slacker nature of many husbands/fathers in typical marriages, I don't think it's surprising that some women feel repulsed by their husbands. Even when I was young and full of raging hormones that gave me a very high libido, I quickly became repulsed by any man who showed disrespect to me.

It goes both ways. A lot of men do everything for the family but women blame men for their personal struggles. No one likes to feel undesired in a marriage/relationship and anything you do to prevent intimacy is going to cost you the relationship.