Who is unreasonable here: Friend A or Friend B?

[Anonymous]

She could have offered something. I would be done with the friendship. It was a convenient relationship for the time. That time is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you bought the treadmill in December knowing you were leaving in June?

No, I paid off my student loans in December (had responded with this to another poster). I bought the treadmill a year ago. At that time, I had expected to stay here for another two-year contract.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you suddenly found a buyer in your apt building, you have the power and choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you suddenly found a buyer in your apt building, you have the power and choice.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the people who are mad about you buying the treadmill. That's beside the point.

I want to really break down your friend's behavior here, to understand what about it is problematic.

It is fine she asked for the treadmill for free. She didn't know your precise situation. It never hurts to ask.

But you said no, you needed to sell it, because the money was important for your move. She heard this, right? You said "no, I can't give it to you, I need the money," right?

And then she proceeded to ignore your "no" and plead and harass you about it for months. THIS is the problematic behavior. Not her wanting the treadmill for free. Who cares what her finances are. Who cares what your finances are. The point is that she asked, you said no, she refused to accept that.

And then when your buyer backed out, was she empathetic? Did she care how this would impact you negatively? Was she even apologetic when she "offered" again to take it for free? I sense no. She was victorious. She got what she wanted.

Ignore the financial factors here. They feel important but they are not. I have seen a friendship play out like this even when the pair have the same finances.

She is not merely a user or an opportunity. She is aggressive. She does not see you as a person in the same way she thinks of herself as a person. You are a resource from which she can extract what she wants-- companionship, stuff. She will never treat you as an equal. She does not respect you or care for you.

Move on. People like this just cause strife over and over. You will never get out of this relationship what you put in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you suddenly found a buyer in your apt building, you have the power and choice.

This.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had an alternative buyer, that would be a different situation. You don’t. The options are give it to a stranger or give it to one of your best friends. Seems like a really obvious answer to me.

As for your friend, maybe her spending habits have gotten her in trouble and she needs to cut back. I’d accept what she told you about her financial status.

Good luck with the move!

This is the obvious, OP. Exactly what I was going to say. You need to think abou this only factually from your perspective - you have no buyer and she's your friend. Do you have another friend to give it to that could use it? If not the answer is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had an alternative buyer, that would be a different situation. You don’t. The options are give it to a stranger or give it to one of your best friends. Seems like a really obvious answer to me.

As for your friend, maybe her spending habits have gotten her in trouble and she needs to cut back. I’d accept what she told you about her financial status.

Good luck with the move!

This is the obvious, OP. Exactly what I was going to say. You need to think abou this only factually from your perspective - you have no buyer and she's your friend. Do you have another friend to give it to that could use it? If not the answer is obvious.

No, because of the friend's behavior in wheedling and harassing OP to give it to her. The friend could have backed the heck off and left OP alone, and then when the buyer fell through, said "well my offer to take it off your hands still stands-- I know it's not the cash you were hoping for, but I can at least pay to have it moved."

The friend acted like a demanding, petulant, entitled child. She behaved in a way that is making OP feel used, even though she doesn't have other good choices here.

The friend's behavior was not okay. This isn't really even about the treadmill.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t want to give it to her, don’t. It’s that easy.

That said, used treadmills are not easy to sell, anywhere. It’s not an item that translates to selling used for value, anywhere. I have an amazing treadmill I can’t even get paid for the money it just took me to move it down the stairs for.

You can want what you want, but I think the starving teacher/ SAHM comparisons are disingenuous. Spouses are not always able to get work as expats, and “help” may be paid for by the company. That’s doesn’t mean they have extra money. These may not be her, or her family’s choices.

I guess for me, I’d see the waste of someone not taking it over someone having it who wants it as a good thing. The chip on your shoulder is yours. If this item was so valuable, someone would have bought it from you already. The value is not what you think, it is what someone else will pay, and that seems like no one else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had an alternative buyer, that would be a different situation. You don’t. The options are give it to a stranger or give it to one of your best friends. Seems like a really obvious answer to me.

As for your friend, maybe her spending habits have gotten her in trouble and she needs to cut back. I’d accept what she told you about her financial status.

Good luck with the move!

This is the obvious, OP. Exactly what I was going to say. You need to think abou this only factually from your perspective - you have no buyer and she's your friend. Do you have another friend to give it to that could use it? If not the answer is obvious.

Is she really a friend, though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d let her have it at this point but I’d totally make comments about how you could have used some money for it etc. she is rude. I probably wouldn’t not be friends once you move.

On a side note if you knew you would be in this country on a temp basis you were kind of bonkers to spends $2,000 on a treadmill in the first place.

At the time, I thought I was going to sign another contract and stay two more years. I got a better job offer in a much more liveable country, though. Also, the city I am in now is near the top of every list you find of the most polluted cities on the planet (South Asia). The treadmill really was a necessity if I wanted regular exercise: you can literally taste the air outside.

Then you got the value you needed for it. Why punish the next owner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d let her have it at this point but I’d totally make comments about how you could have used some money for it etc. she is rude. I probably wouldn’t not be friends once you move.

On a side note if you knew you would be in this country on a temp basis you were kind of bonkers to spends $2,000 on a treadmill in the first place.

At the time, I thought I was going to sign another contract and stay two more years. I got a better job offer in a much more liveable country, though. Also, the city I am in now is near the top of every list you find of the most polluted cities on the planet (South Asia). The treadmill really was a necessity if I wanted regular exercise: you can literally taste the air outside.

Then you got the value you needed for it. Why punish the next owner?

This is about a lot more than the treadmill.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been an expat. There is a mail order bride vibe sometimes. Man is maybe American or British, older, not a great catch except for money. Woman is younger, better looking, from a poorer country. I had a neighbor like this, she was asking for my help to get some software on her computer, she said she couldn’t ask her husband. She couldn’t get the $60 or whatever for the software and we were living in a very nice gated community. Maybe she was a liar and just trying to get money from me but l don’t think so.

[Anonymous]

Some of you think this is about how OP gets rid of the treadmill. It's not.

It's about her friend's behavior towards her.

The treadmill is incidental to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been an expat. There is a mail order bride vibe sometimes. Man is maybe American or British, older, not a great catch except for money. Woman is younger, better looking, from a poorer country. I had a neighbor like this, she was asking for my help to get some software on her computer, she said she couldn’t ask her husband. She couldn’t get the $60 or whatever for the software and we were living in a very nice gated community. Maybe she was a liar and just trying to get money from me but l don’t think so.

In this case, Friend B is from the same hometown (presumably in the US) as OP. So not some exploited mail order bride. She might not have control over her finances, but also-- does she actually needs a treadmill? I think she just wanted it, and figured she could wheedle it out of OP for free. Maybe this is how she makes herself feel powerful though she has no income or freedom with money. I'm empathetic towards that situation, but then she's using OP to work out her own issues. OP has her own problems, she's not just a tool for her friend to use.