Who is unreasonable here: Friend A or Friend B?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it.

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?

I grew up poor. My parents were immigrants and the immigrant community often took household items when others moved. I never thought it was taking advantage of others.

I guess the main difference is that I used to be the receiver. I am now the giver. I have been in many phases and income levels in my life including the free lunch kid who got bags of free clothes from church to now living in a multi million dollar home.

I do know that people come from different financial backgrounds. I also know there is a price and market for everything and it doesn’t sound like this city has much of a demand for used treadmills.

We live in an area with lots of state dept and diplomats. the moves are covered by their governments. They still leave lots behind and it is a mix of selling and giving it away.

Oh for gd's sake - you and OP are not the same people.

If OP were $10k/year richer, she might have told her friend to just take the treadmill. She might even have told her friend to take it if she had been the least bit gracious! But her friend acted like a jerk, and it drove OP into a corner - and now she feels bad about what happened. Who can blame her?

The friend didn’t put her into a corner.

I really don’t understand why OP kept the treadmill until the last minute. If she sold the treadmill, the buyer should have paid OP and taken the treadmill. Houses get sold faster than this.

OP arranged to sell the treadmill to someone and have them pick it up before she left the country. Also this was not a total stranger but someone in the broader ex pat community (OP, Friend B, and Friend B's husband all know the buyer) so OP likely had reason to believe they would follow through. OP thought she had a deal for the treadmill and it fell through last minute, it's not like she waited until the very last minute to sell the treadmill.

Friend B 100% took advantage of the fact that OP ran into a problem with the sale at the point where it would have been very difficult to find another buyer. Which I don't even have a problem with IF Friend B had bothered to be nice about it, but she wasn't. Friend B could have said "oh that sucks, I am so sorry the sale fell through. I know you have a ton on your plate right now, too. Best of luck to you finding a replacement buyer, but if that doesn't work out, my offer to take it and pay to move still stands. I know it's not what you were hoping to get for it, but at least it would get it out of the apartment for you. Let me know." Instead Friend B immediately assumed she could have the treadmill, called movers without even clearing it with OP first, and then showed up with her husband to get it as though she knew OP might fight her on it and wanted to make sure she had backup.

Friend B sucks.

OP reluctantly agreed per the original post. Friend B did not call movers without clearing it with OP first.

It does sound like OP was backed into a corner. The friend asked if everything was ok since OP was probably upset and showed it. Op could have told her then how this is making her feel and that she didn’t want the friend to have the treadmill.

It really is all about the treadmill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

Yeah why couldn’t she at least offer to take her to a nice dinner or get her a spa treatment to say thank you. What a taker.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read any of the responses, but OP if I were you I’d ask myself how much the relationship with her matters. If you are close, be honest with her that you needed the money, and that she seemed insensitive to that, and try to work it out so there isn’t friction between you. If you don’t care about the friendship, try to let this whole situation go, because otherwise it will eat at you, and you’ll continue to be upset while she obliviously jogs on her treadmill.

[Anonymous]

Ask her to just stop mentioning it because honestly it still stings that the sale fell through because you were really counting on the money from the sale for expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

Yeah why couldn’t she at least offer to take her to a nice dinner or get her a spa treatment to say thank you. What a taker.

But according to OP, she was more or less on her way out of town.

Also, why should friend subsidize something that OP couldn’t sell anyway?

I mean, this is not how I would
Have approached it, but really, Friend didn’t do anything wrong. It just cost us a few hundred dollars to have a treadmill dismantled and moved downstairs. What people are willing to pay for it, it wasn’t worth the move, but it’s a cost we had to incur to try to sell it.

It moved literally across country with us and now is sucking up space in our new house as it won’t fit down the stairs. Honestly, I should have offered it for free when we left but we tried to recoup the pretty inexpensive cost to have it moved downstairs.

Treadmills aren’t worth anything other than what you paid from the vendor. I don’t care where in the world you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

Yeah why couldn’t she at least offer to take her to a nice dinner or get her a spa treatment to say thank you. What a taker.

But according to OP, she was more or less on her way out of town.

Also, why should friend subsidize something that OP couldn’t sell anyway?

I mean, this is not how I would
Have approached it, but really, Friend didn’t do anything wrong. It just cost us a few hundred dollars to have a treadmill dismantled and moved downstairs. What people are willing to pay for it, it wasn’t worth the move, but it’s a cost we had to incur to try to sell it.

It moved literally across country with us and now is sucking up space in our new house as it won’t fit down the stairs. Honestly, I should have offered it for free when we left but we tried to recoup the pretty inexpensive cost to have it moved downstairs.

Treadmills aren’t worth anything other than what you paid from the vendor. I don’t care where in the world you are.

You're really missing the point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

Yeah why couldn’t she at least offer to take her to a nice dinner or get her a spa treatment to say thank you. What a taker.

But according to OP, she was more or less on her way out of town.

Also, why should friend subsidize something that OP couldn’t sell anyway?

I mean, this is not how I would
Have approached it, but really, Friend didn’t do anything wrong. It just cost us a few hundred dollars to have a treadmill dismantled and moved downstairs. What people are willing to pay for it, it wasn’t worth the move, but it’s a cost we had to incur to try to sell it.

It moved literally across country with us and now is sucking up space in our new house as it won’t fit down the stairs. Honestly, I should have offered it for free when we left but we tried to recoup the pretty inexpensive cost to have it moved downstairs.

Treadmills aren’t worth anything other than what you paid from the vendor. I don’t care where in the world you are.

You're really missing the point

No, the whole point of this thread is that friend is richer than OP and taking this valuable treadmill and OP is very upset about this.