Who is unreasonable here: Friend A or Friend B?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

No, because if OP had overvalued the treadmill, why was Friend B so desperate to get it for free? If used treadmills are a dime a dozen and easy to find on local marketplaces for little or nothing, then the friend could have just said "ok your loss" when OP declined the offer to take it for free and gone and gotten one of those other treadmills

The fact that the friend was so desperate to take the treadmill indicates that actually there is at least a small market for used treadmills and that their value is more than zero

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had an alternative buyer, that would be a different situation. You don’t. The options are give it to a stranger or give it to one of your best friends. Seems like a really obvious answer to me.

As for your friend, maybe her spending habits have gotten her in trouble and she needs to cut back. I’d accept what she told you about her financial status.

Good luck with the move!

I think this is beside the point though. Friend B was wanting the treadmill for free since the beginning, even when Friend A had the potential to sell it. That, to me, is the part that would annoy me. Especially since Friend B has so much more money than Friend A. If nothing else, and I were Friend B, I would have paid for the treadmill because I could afford it and my friend could use the money. I'm in a similar situation to Friend B (literally just paid for the second of two ponies yesterday...) and I do things for my friends all the time to the extent I can. This would have been a no brainer for me. So I think Friend B is a jerk.

+1

Agree with you, PP. I think some here are focusing on the treadmill's value etc. when that's not the point. Others are making out that the two of them did things together "every day" and therefore were close so OP should gladly give friend the treadmill. Instead, I wonder if they were not actually close, but were friends of proximity -- both are expats and sometimes that creates "friendships" which are more along lines of "We hang out together as we're both in the same boat here among another culture/country." I see two people who have gotten along OK hanging out, but have a large divide in lifestyles and values. And this treadmill thing brought that divide to the surface rather suddenly and clearly. OP should move, be glad the treadmill at least is getting used, and chalk this all up to experience. And definitely don't let the friend wheedle herself into visiting OP at the new place, as OP indicated early on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

This made me laugh out loud. Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the friend is just completely clueless about how much this treadmill and money mean to OP.

I guess I just don’t care much about material items. It sounds like the friend doesn’t have many friends in this country and would miss OP. OP only cares that this friend has a rich husband.

I’m a SAHM and it absolutely can be lonely. I don’t think about money at all. If the friend knew how much this bothered OP and how angry and upset OP was, she would probably just leave it.

Being clueless doesn't give you a pass for being an AH. Just because *you* don't think about money at all ( ) doesn't mean you are fine to assume no one else does. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

I once had a friend who had two boys. They had some expensive toys. I think they had some pac man and other arcade type game that they spent $1000+ on. Why did they spend that much? Who knows? They were moving and wanted to sell these arcade games but it was a pain with people no showing and trying to offer them $50. Another friend had kids similar in age. She always expressed interest in the games but not to buy. At the end, the friend got the arcades for free. We are all still friends and went on vacation together recently.

OP should have dropped the price. She didn’t drop it low enough. She didn’t have to say yes to the friend. I’m Team B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it.

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had months to find a buyer. You didn’t have to give it away to her. You made your choices, don’t be a B to her about it.

I found a buyer months ago. They backed out a day ago.

But, yeah, you are right. I could have just left it in the apartment. I just felt like I had no choice when she said that now she could have it herself, because she knew the alternative now is leaving it. It seemed aggressive to tell her no, I would rather nobody get it.

Who finds a buyer and waits months for them to pick it up.so while your friend is being cheap, you have to be responsible for your own actions.

Because she didn't want to get rid of it until right before she moved? The lack of common sense being shown here is shocking, even for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it.

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?

I grew up poor. My parents were immigrants and the immigrant community often took household items when others moved. I never thought it was taking advantage of others.

I guess the main difference is that I used to be the receiver. I am now the giver. I have been in many phases and income levels in my life including the free lunch kid who got bags of free clothes from church to now living in a multi million dollar home.

I do know that people come from different financial backgrounds. I also know there is a price and market for everything and it doesn’t sound like this city has much of a demand for used treadmills.

We live in an area with lots of state dept and diplomats. the moves are covered by their governments. They still leave lots behind and it is a mix of selling and giving it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it.

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?

I grew up poor. My parents were immigrants and the immigrant community often took household items when others moved. I never thought it was taking advantage of others.

I guess the main difference is that I used to be the receiver. I am now the giver. I have been in many phases and income levels in my life including the free lunch kid who got bags of free clothes from church to now living in a multi million dollar home.

I do know that people come from different financial backgrounds. I also know there is a price and market for everything and it doesn’t sound like this city has much of a demand for used treadmills.

We live in an area with lots of state dept and diplomats. the moves are covered by their governments. They still leave lots behind and it is a mix of selling and giving it away.

Oh for gd's sake - you and OP are not the same people.

If OP were $10k/year richer, she might have told her friend to just take the treadmill. She might even have told her friend to take it if she had been the least bit gracious! But her friend acted like a jerk, and it drove OP into a corner - and now she feels bad about what happened. Who can blame her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it.

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?

I grew up poor. My parents were immigrants and the immigrant community often took household items when others moved. I never thought it was taking advantage of others.

I guess the main difference is that I used to be the receiver. I am now the giver. I have been in many phases and income levels in my life including the free lunch kid who got bags of free clothes from church to now living in a multi million dollar home.

I do know that people come from different financial backgrounds. I also know there is a price and market for everything and it doesn’t sound like this city has much of a demand for used treadmills.

We live in an area with lots of state dept and diplomats. the moves are covered by their governments. They still leave lots behind and it is a mix of selling and giving it away.

Oh for gd's sake - you and OP are not the same people.

If OP were $10k/year richer, she might have told her friend to just take the treadmill. She might even have told her friend to take it if she had been the least bit gracious! But her friend acted like a jerk, and it drove OP into a corner - and now she feels bad about what happened. Who can blame her?

The friend didn’t put her into a corner.

I really don’t understand why OP kept the treadmill until the last minute. If she sold the treadmill, the buyer should have paid OP and taken the treadmill. Houses get sold faster than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

I once had a friend who had two boys. They had some expensive toys. I think they had some pac man and other arcade type game that they spent $1000+ on. Why did they spend that much? Who knows? They were moving and wanted to sell these arcade games but it was a pain with people no showing and trying to offer them $50. Another friend had kids similar in age. She always expressed interest in the games but not to buy. At the end, the friend got the arcades for free. We are all still friends and went on vacation together recently.

OP should have dropped the price. She didn’t drop it low enough. She didn’t have to say yes to the friend. I’m Team B.

Whether OP should have dropped the price or not is irrelevant to Friend B's behavior. Friend B was pushy and rude about the whole thing, continually ignored OP telling her that she wanted to sell the treadmill and could not give it away for free. Even if OP delusionally thought she could make a profit on the treadmill, I don't think Friend B's behavior is that of a real friend. Friend B was not owed the treadmill and once OP told her she wanted to sell it and not give it away, should have backed all the way off and not mentioned it again. The end.

People are allowed to do whatever they want with THEIR possessions and OP didn't owe it to her friend to try and sell the treadmill for less or to give it to her friend for free. OP might have been irresponsible with the treadmill but the only person those actions impacted was OP so she is entitled to that. Meanwhile Friend B's behavior was unkind and greedy and impacted OP directly. Very much NOT Team B.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's here. She brought her husband for some reason. She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me. I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes. I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.

OP again. Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it. He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help. So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am). This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided). I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think. I'm working on it with my online therapist. I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it.

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?

I grew up poor. My parents were immigrants and the immigrant community often took household items when others moved. I never thought it was taking advantage of others.

I guess the main difference is that I used to be the receiver. I am now the giver. I have been in many phases and income levels in my life including the free lunch kid who got bags of free clothes from church to now living in a multi million dollar home.

I do know that people come from different financial backgrounds. I also know there is a price and market for everything and it doesn’t sound like this city has much of a demand for used treadmills.

We live in an area with lots of state dept and diplomats. the moves are covered by their governments. They still leave lots behind and it is a mix of selling and giving it away.

Oh for gd's sake - you and OP are not the same people.

If OP were $10k/year richer, she might have told her friend to just take the treadmill. She might even have told her friend to take it if she had been the least bit gracious! But her friend acted like a jerk, and it drove OP into a corner - and now she feels bad about what happened. Who can blame her?

The friend didn’t put her into a corner.

I really don’t understand why OP kept the treadmill until the last minute. If she sold the treadmill, the buyer should have paid OP and taken the treadmill. Houses get sold faster than this.

OP arranged to sell the treadmill to someone and have them pick it up before she left the country. Also this was not a total stranger but someone in the broader ex pat community (OP, Friend B, and Friend B's husband all know the buyer) so OP likely had reason to believe they would follow through. OP thought she had a deal for the treadmill and it fell through last minute, it's not like she waited until the very last minute to sell the treadmill.

Friend B 100% took advantage of the fact that OP ran into a problem with the sale at the point where it would have been very difficult to find another buyer. Which I don't even have a problem with IF Friend B had bothered to be nice about it, but she wasn't. Friend B could have said "oh that sucks, I am so sorry the sale fell through. I know you have a ton on your plate right now, too. Best of luck to you finding a replacement buyer, but if that doesn't work out, my offer to take it and pay to move still stands. I know it's not what you were hoping to get for it, but at least it would get it out of the apartment for you. Let me know." Instead Friend B immediately assumed she could have the treadmill, called movers without even clearing it with OP first, and then showed up with her husband to get it as though she knew OP might fight her on it and wanted to make sure she had backup.

Friend B sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Think OP overvalued the treadmill, which is why she couldn’t get anyone to buy it for months.

It is also not easy to move. You can’t just throw it in the back of your car. The person probably backed out because it was a pain to coordinate a move.

There are always new models coming out. Literally every single gym on earth will have a treadmill. You can run outside for free. It is not the hot commodity that OP thinks it is. I feel sorry for OP she is this upset about not selling her treadmill and how petty she is that she would rather leave it than give it to her friend.

As OP explained the air quality in this city is so bad that people actually cannot run outside for free. And it's not like OP was asking top dollar for the treadmill. She was selling a 1-year-old treadmill for 50% of what she paid, and once the original buyer backed out, she probably would have accepted far less. But the friend wanted it for FREE. And you think OP is petty? No. You are not entitled to get your friend's expensive items for free just because your friend is in a bind with a move. Who thinks like that? Not anyone I'd want to be friends with, I'll tell you that.

I once had a friend who had two boys. They had some expensive toys. I think they had some pac man and other arcade type game that they spent $1000+ on. Why did they spend that much? Who knows? They were moving and wanted to sell these arcade games but it was a pain with people no showing and trying to offer them $50. Another friend had kids similar in age. She always expressed interest in the games but not to buy. At the end, the friend got the arcades for free. We are all still friends and went on vacation together recently.

OP should have dropped the price. She didn’t drop it low enough. She didn’t have to say yes to the friend. I’m Team B.

Whether OP should have dropped the price or not is irrelevant to Friend B's behavior. Friend B was pushy and rude about the whole thing, continually ignored OP telling her that she wanted to sell the treadmill and could not give it away for free. Even if OP delusionally thought she could make a profit on the treadmill, I don't think Friend B's behavior is that of a real friend. Friend B was not owed the treadmill and once OP told her she wanted to sell it and not give it away, should have backed all the way off and not mentioned it again. The end.

People are allowed to do whatever they want with THEIR possessions and OP didn't owe it to her friend to try and sell the treadmill for less or to give it to her friend for free. OP might have been irresponsible with the treadmill but the only person those actions impacted was OP so she is entitled to that. Meanwhile Friend B's behavior was unkind and greedy and impacted OP directly. Very much NOT Team B.

I absolutely 100% agree that OP didn’t owe it to give it to her friend. OP could have and should have said no. She did say no and tried to sell it. The sale didn’t work out. OP could have said no again to the friend the second time around. I’m not reading the whole thread to find out if OP had days left before the move. It sounds like she ran out of time.