Who is unreasonable here: Friend A or Friend B?

[Anonymous]

It’s not. But she’s not in control of her finances as a kept woman. Unfortunately she probably feels like she needs to show that she can negotiate wins to a high achieving shrewd negotiator of a husband. I would have offered her a trade deal to shop the lightly used items in her closet like a bag or necklace that’s easy to transport and could fetch about the same amount on resale as the treadmill.

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear, you bought a treadmill you should not have spent money on? She asked for it, and then you agreed?

[Anonymous]

When you buy a $2k treadmill, you have to assume no resale value. You tried to sell it; it didn't work. I have a friend who is a user; I know the feeling. Aside from this, is she a good friend? I would focus on that. You sound slightly jealous of her situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not. But she’s not in control of her finances as a kept woman. Unfortunately she probably feels like she needs to show that she can negotiate wins to a high achieving shrewd negotiator of a husband. I would have offered her a trade deal to shop the lightly used items in her closet like a bag or necklace that’s easy to transport and could fetch about the same amount on resale as the treadmill.

Good read, good solution.

[Anonymous]

I’d let her have it at this point but I’d totally make comments about how you could have used some money for it etc. she is rude. I probably wouldn’t not be friends once you move.

On a side note if you knew you would be in this country on a temp basis you were kind of bonkers to spends $2,000 on a treadmill in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, you bought a treadmill you should not have spent money on? She asked for it, and then you agreed?

"Should not have spent money on?" We live in one of the most polluted cities on the planet, so exercise outdoors is not possible, I work full time and would not be able to get to a gym most days, and I do prioritize my health. I cannot afford to NOT make this priority. It isn't as if I'm going bankrupt from buying it, just that the money would have meant a lot to me in reselling before I move.

But, yes, I reluctantly agreed after the other option fell through. That is on me. If I could go back, I would have just lied and said I found a seller in my building for the sake of saving our friendship, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d let her have it at this point but I’d totally make comments about how you could have used some money for it etc. she is rude. I probably wouldn’t not be friends once you move.

On a side note if you knew you would be in this country on a temp basis you were kind of bonkers to spends $2,000 on a treadmill in the first place.

At the time, I thought I was going to sign another contract and stay two more years. I got a better job offer in a much more liveable country, though. Also, the city I am in now is near the top of every list you find of the most polluted cities on the planet (South Asia). The treadmill really was a necessity if I wanted regular exercise: you can literally taste the air outside.

[Anonymous]

You can always put it out on the street. When I had student loans, the idea of buying a 2K treadmill would have been preposterous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not. But she’s not in control of her finances as a kept woman. Unfortunately she probably feels like she needs to show that she can negotiate wins to a high achieving shrewd negotiator of a husband. I would have offered her a trade deal to shop the lightly used items in her closet like a bag or necklace that’s easy to transport and could fetch about the same amount on resale as the treadmill.

I think this is true. He is not a nice man. It was over 100 degrees here last week and he had their domestic workers carrying heavy items outside and doing landscaping "because they're used to it." Thank you for this insight. It helps me feel a big kinder toward her in the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always put it out on the street. When I had student loans, the idea of buying a 2K treadmill would have been preposterous.

I finished paying them off in December . They were the reason I moved overseas to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always put it out on the street. When I had student loans, the idea of buying a 2K treadmill would have been preposterous.

I finished paying them off in December . They were the reason I moved overseas to work.

I think you missed the point.

[Anonymous]

So you bought the treadmill in December knowing you were leaving in June?

[Anonymous]

Friend A is irresponsible. Friend B is a user/taker.

[Anonymous]

I get your feelings - but is she otherwise a good friend? I would sit on this for a while to see if your anger might dissipate over time. It’s okay if she sees you’re not all sunshine and rainbows about this, and about her; I’m sure she’s picking up on the fact that this has left a bad taste in your mouth.

But friendships can be hard to come by. Think on it (while holding her at arm’s length, because you do t have to pretend not to be pissed). Maybe this is a “last straw” situation? If so, it’s okay if you’re just done.

[Anonymous]

*don’t* have to pretend ^^