Other parents surprised my kid is smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

Lol op here. Fair point. Reading my post I can totally get that. But this is anonymous and I'm really looking for insight, and I would never say those things in real life.

I agree that it was a humble brag LOL - who cares. Some people fly under the radar, and that's probably better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

Thank you, that's really nice!

The responses are helpful. I think the answer lies in 2 things: 1)I'm overreacting and most people don't think about it or care and 2)Some people do have this reaction, and it's mostly because both DD and I discuss this stuff with others never. Adults and kids talk about "what honors are you in next year?" or "Was your kid invited into X organization?" quite a bit, now that I'm thinking about it... which is fine... but it's not something we would bring up or give too much oxygen to.

-OP

PP here. Depending where you live (or not), you have to be really careful whom you tell - as you can see here. I think if the parents are smart and accomplished, it is really a no brainer that their DC are, too! I also think that people in the D.C. area people like to mistake humility for stupidity or naivete, because it supposedly helps their narrative that their kid is "more deserving" or whatever (hence concluding that they, as the parents, are "more deserving" or whatever).

Some kids have it in them to be good at what they do, even without tutors (egads!) and that is great! Celebrate that, and don't be afraid to tell your DC how amazing they are, because they are!

Some people truly have a hard time being happy for others, and I also think that this is especially true in this geographic area, compared to other places I have resided. I think if you have experience with other cultures and other geographic places, you realize that the "portray confidence" and snarky rhetoric that is crowed about on DCUM is a crock of crap, and often is an overcompensation for someone who is lacking.

Love the kid you have, people, they know!

Wow, this post is really insightful, especially the bolded. Can you tell this is my first child? lol -OP

You got this, and so do your DCs, OP - they will do great things - embrace it! Try not to get frustrated when other people are one way in their discussions, or do not let you get a word in edgewise about your kids, because that is telling. It is hard to find your people, but they are out there. Maybe there is an alumni group for your school in this area, to start? Sending you empathy, PP.

That is really nice of you. Thanks and best of luck to your kids, too!

[Anonymous]

Yes, single Mom with a racial component.

[Anonymous]

It's not just smart, it's that she's being parented well.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, single Mom with a racial component.

Anonymous wrote:It's not just smart, it's that she's being parented well.

Thank you for your honesty. I am sure some people do think this way.

Will ignore the haters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

No. I don’t have any thoughts about your neurotic navel gazing except to say people really aren’t thinking about your kid at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

Thank you, that's really nice!

The responses are helpful. I think the answer lies in 2 things: 1)I'm overreacting and most people don't think about it or care and 2)Some people do have this reaction, and it's mostly because both DD and I discuss this stuff with others never. Adults and kids talk about "what honors are you in next year?" or "Was your kid invited into X organization?" quite a bit, now that I'm thinking about it... which is fine... but it's not something we would bring up or give too much oxygen to.

-OP

PP here. Depending where you live (or not), you have to be really careful whom you tell - as you can see here. I think if the parents are smart and accomplished, it is really a no brainer that their DC are, too! I also think that people in the D.C. area people like to mistake humility for stupidity or naivete, because it supposedly helps their narrative that their kid is "more deserving" or whatever (hence concluding that they, as the parents, are "more deserving" or whatever).

Some kids have it in them to be good at what they do, even without tutors (egads!) and that is great! Celebrate that, and don't be afraid to tell your DC how amazing they are, because they are!

Some people truly have a hard time being happy for others, and I also think that this is especially true in this geographic area, compared to other places I have resided. I think if you have experience with other cultures and other geographic places, you realize that the "portray confidence" and snarky rhetoric that is crowed about on DCUM is a crock of crap, and often is an overcompensation for someone who is lacking.

Love the kid you have, people, they know!

Wow, this post is really insightful, especially the bolded. Can you tell this is my first child? lol -OP

You got this, and so do your DCs, OP - they will do great things - embrace it! Try not to get frustrated when other people are one way in their discussions, or do not let you get a word in edgewise about your kids, because that is telling. It is hard to find your people, but they are out there. Maybe there is an alumni group for your school in this area, to start? Sending you empathy, PP.

That is really nice of you. Thanks and best of luck to your kids, too!

Thanks! Ignore the haters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

This is bizarre. I don’t even understand how someone can be #1. They either have a A or not. Top standardized test score? What is the metric here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

This is bizarre. I don’t even understand how someone can be #1. They either have a A or not. Top standardized test score? What is the metric here?

No. All of their grades are out of 100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

No. I don’t have any thoughts about your neurotic navel gazing except to say people really aren’t thinking about your kid at all.

Thanks for posting despite not having any thoughts on this except to insult me. I'm sometimes insecure about being a single mom. Nobody's perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

This is bizarre. I don’t even understand how someone can be #1. They either have a A or not. Top standardized test score? What is the metric here?

No. All of their grades are out of 100.

And no other kids have a 100 or a 99 or whatever? Sorry, I’m just not buying that there is a #1 elementary school kid or middle school kid for that matter. You even said they don’t rank, so assume your kid is someone #1 is odd

[Anonymous]

People have preconceptions about what smart people "look like" and it isn't kind. I got this all the time as an attractive woman that attended MIT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have preconceptions about what smart people "look like" and it isn't kind. I got this all the time as an attractive woman that attended MIT.

+1

Have seen this among my friends.