Other parents surprised my kid is smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are posting about end of school year awards in September.

This tells me you're significantly over-invested in these things. 99% of families couldn't care less about elementary and middle school awards. They're not important for college admissions. Maybe people you know are nice and politely give you and your child a compliment on the occasion, but the second your back is turned, I can promise you they've forgotten all about it. Yes, your child is smart. And so what? They'll need to scramble and work hard like everyone else for seats in selective colleges, competing against legacy, development and athletic recruits who may not be as smart. Then they will compete with better-networked people for good jobs. It's nice to be intelligent, but Life sometimes gives advantages to other things.

Knowing this, OP, I think you badly need perspective on what it takes to succeed and be happy in life. We're an intellectual, academic family, and our older teens always did well in school. But we know it's not enough.

You are reading a lot of things into this that OP didn't say.

I'm the other parent that notices this, the one with two kids. Sometimes I think it's funny, but I wonder how it will play out for things like job interviews that my kid's strengths in this area are kind of hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a time, in the not-too-distant past, where boys also excelled at school. Now it's all girls, in the academic and social leadership positions.

This isn't good for either girls or boys.

Yeah it may be a girl thing. It may be that they are expecting boys to be the top two.

No, that's not what I meant. No one is expecting boys to be the top anything. And they aren't.

As for your specific scenario, you say your DD has been receiving awards for years and year. No one is surprised. You're misreading something.

Ah, gotcha. Since MS started, there are a lot more kids and parents so there are definitely some people not familiar with our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids is like this. It's like he's Bruce Wayne and has a secret identity. At this point, I think he embraces it, and cultivates it. I think it's because he's goofy and kind of hyper although not ADHD. He has a brother who is much less academically talented, that everyone assumes is smarter.

When it's friends at school or their parents, I don't mind, because I do think he contributes to it himself. I have family members who can not let go of this view and it drives me crazy.

I definitely see how racism could play into it, although in our case our boys are white. We're also a single mom family, and on the low end of the income spectrum for our school, but if that was the reason you'd think it applied to both kids.

Wow this is so interesting because I think people think of DD's little brother as the "smart" one. Even family members. People's perceptions are so strange! Good for your son. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

Thank you, that's really nice!

The responses are helpful. I think the answer lies in 2 things: 1)I'm overreacting and most people don't think about it or care and 2)Some people do have this reaction, and it's mostly because both DD and I discuss this stuff with others never. Adults and kids talk about "what honors are you in next year?" or "Was your kid invited into X organization?" quite a bit, now that I'm thinking about it... which is fine... but it's not something we would bring up or give too much oxygen to.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are overthinking things and reading into things. Just relax, no one really cares that much.

+1

It’s not that deep OP

[Anonymous]

I went to an Ivy League law school and got treated like Reese Witherspoon in legally blonde. I had a southern accent and was a blonde former cheerleader. People literally refused to let me be in their study group. Then, I won an academic award at the end of first year that made it obvious I got straight A’s. Several people were rude to my face about it. But really, none of it mattered. I just did my thing. And my actual friends from law school are my friends for life.

And to be clear, the fact that I did well at an Ivy League law school is not particularly interesting. I know tons of brilliant people that don’t have my academic “pedigree” for lack of a better word.

Let your daughter do her thing. And don’t worry about obnoxious people (although there are probably fewer of them than you think — most won’t care).

[Anonymous]

People stereotype all the time. Since your daughter doesn’t sound like she fits the nerdy profile of an academic high achiever, her success is challenging to their mental act of putting her in a different bucket. Take it as a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to an Ivy League law school and got treated like Reese Witherspoon in legally blonde. I had a southern accent and was a blonde former cheerleader. People literally refused to let me be in their study group. Then, I won an academic award at the end of first year that made it obvious I got straight A’s. Several people were rude to my face about it. But really, none of it mattered. I just did my thing. And my actual friends from law school are my friends for life.

And to be clear, the fact that I did well at an Ivy League law school is not particularly interesting. I know tons of brilliant people that don’t have my academic “pedigree” for lack of a better word.

Let your daughter do her thing. And don’t worry about obnoxious people (although there are probably fewer of them than you think — most won’t care).

It would’ve been amazing if you had leaned into that, just to punk them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

Thank you, that's really nice!

The responses are helpful. I think the answer lies in 2 things: 1)I'm overreacting and most people don't think about it or care and 2)Some people do have this reaction, and it's mostly because both DD and I discuss this stuff with others never. Adults and kids talk about "what honors are you in next year?" or "Was your kid invited into X organization?" quite a bit, now that I'm thinking about it... which is fine... but it's not something we would bring up or give too much oxygen to.

-OP

PP here. Depending where you live (or not), you have to be really careful whom you tell - as you can see here. I think if the parents are smart and accomplished, it is really a no brainer that their DC are, too! I also think that people in the D.C. area people like to mistake humility for stupidity or naivete, because it supposedly helps their narrative that their kid is "more deserving" or whatever (hence concluding that they, as the parents, are "more deserving" or whatever).

Some kids have it in them to be good at what they do, even without tutors (egads!) and that is great! Celebrate that, and don't be afraid to tell your DC how amazing they are, because they are!

Some people truly have a hard time being happy for others, and I also think that this is especially true in this geographic area, compared to other places I have resided. I think if you have experience with other cultures and other geographic places, you realize that the "portray confidence" and snarky rhetoric that is crowed about on DCUM is a crock of crap, and often is an overcompensation for someone who is lacking.

Love the kid you have, people, they know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are overthinking things and reading into things. Just relax, no one really cares that much.

+1

It’s not that deep OP

Thank you. My overthinking probably has a little bit to do about the chip on my shoulder of being a single mom and sometimes feeling like others would look down on us. I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an Ivy League law school and got treated like Reese Witherspoon in legally blonde. I had a southern accent and was a blonde former cheerleader. People literally refused to let me be in their study group. Then, I won an academic award at the end of first year that made it obvious I got straight A’s. Several people were rude to my face about it. But really, none of it mattered. I just did my thing. And my actual friends from law school are my friends for life.

And to be clear, the fact that I did well at an Ivy League law school is not particularly interesting. I know tons of brilliant people that don’t have my academic “pedigree” for lack of a better word.

Let your daughter do her thing. And don’t worry about obnoxious people (although there are probably fewer of them than you think — most won’t care).

It would’ve been amazing if you had leaned into that, just to punk them.

+1

My friends that are smart and beautiful have so much fun with this! Keeps the idiots guessing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

Thank you, that's really nice!

The responses are helpful. I think the answer lies in 2 things: 1)I'm overreacting and most people don't think about it or care and 2)Some people do have this reaction, and it's mostly because both DD and I discuss this stuff with others never. Adults and kids talk about "what honors are you in next year?" or "Was your kid invited into X organization?" quite a bit, now that I'm thinking about it... which is fine... but it's not something we would bring up or give too much oxygen to.

-OP

PP here. Depending where you live (or not), you have to be really careful whom you tell - as you can see here. I think if the parents are smart and accomplished, it is really a no brainer that their DC are, too! I also think that people in the D.C. area people like to mistake humility for stupidity or naivete, because it supposedly helps their narrative that their kid is "more deserving" or whatever (hence concluding that they, as the parents, are "more deserving" or whatever).

Some kids have it in them to be good at what they do, even without tutors (egads!) and that is great! Celebrate that, and don't be afraid to tell your DC how amazing they are, because they are!

Some people truly have a hard time being happy for others, and I also think that this is especially true in this geographic area, compared to other places I have resided. I think if you have experience with other cultures and other geographic places, you realize that the "portray confidence" and snarky rhetoric that is crowed about on DCUM is a crock of crap, and often is an overcompensation for someone who is lacking.

Love the kid you have, people, they know!

Wow, this post is really insightful, especially the bolded. Can you tell this is my first child? lol -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People stereotype all the time. Since your daughter doesn’t sound like she fits the nerdy profile of an academic high achiever, her success is challenging to their mental act of putting her in a different bucket. Take it as a compliment.

Will do. thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to an Ivy League law school and got treated like Reese Witherspoon in legally blonde. I had a southern accent and was a blonde former cheerleader. People literally refused to let me be in their study group. Then, I won an academic award at the end of first year that made it obvious I got straight A’s. Several people were rude to my face about it. But really, none of it mattered. I just did my thing. And my actual friends from law school are my friends for life.

And to be clear, the fact that I did well at an Ivy League law school is not particularly interesting. I know tons of brilliant people that don’t have my academic “pedigree” for lack of a better word.

Let your daughter do her thing. And don’t worry about obnoxious people (although there are probably fewer of them than you think — most won’t care).

So true! I know someone who had this similar experience, and I am so happy to hear about someone else who went through this. She is a phenomenal inspiration to our friend group, because she clearly does not GAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

Thank you, that's really nice!

The responses are helpful. I think the answer lies in 2 things: 1)I'm overreacting and most people don't think about it or care and 2)Some people do have this reaction, and it's mostly because both DD and I discuss this stuff with others never. Adults and kids talk about "what honors are you in next year?" or "Was your kid invited into X organization?" quite a bit, now that I'm thinking about it... which is fine... but it's not something we would bring up or give too much oxygen to.

-OP

PP here. Depending where you live (or not), you have to be really careful whom you tell - as you can see here. I think if the parents are smart and accomplished, it is really a no brainer that their DC are, too! I also think that people in the D.C. area people like to mistake humility for stupidity or naivete, because it supposedly helps their narrative that their kid is "more deserving" or whatever (hence concluding that they, as the parents, are "more deserving" or whatever).

Some kids have it in them to be good at what they do, even without tutors (egads!) and that is great! Celebrate that, and don't be afraid to tell your DC how amazing they are, because they are!

Some people truly have a hard time being happy for others, and I also think that this is especially true in this geographic area, compared to other places I have resided. I think if you have experience with other cultures and other geographic places, you realize that the "portray confidence" and snarky rhetoric that is crowed about on DCUM is a crock of crap, and often is an overcompensation for someone who is lacking.

Love the kid you have, people, they know!

Wow, this post is really insightful, especially the bolded. Can you tell this is my first child? lol -OP

You got this, and so do your DCs, OP - they will do great things - embrace it! Try not to get frustrated when other people are one way in their discussions, or do not let you get a word in edgewise about your kids, because that is telling. It is hard to find your people, but they are out there. Maybe there is an alumni group for your school in this area, to start? Sending you empathy, PP.