Other parents surprised my kid is smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

This.

When applying to HSs we had people flat out tell us that we shouldn’t bother applying to certain schools because their kid “didn’t even get wait listed” or “we have friends whose daughter was top off xyz and they didn’t even get in”.

DS got into all 5 schools he applied and when people found out you could see their eyes pop and jaw drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

What school has an award ceremony where they name the top 2 students in every subject? Talk about lazy and uninspiring. And what is it based on, test scores? Class attendance? I call baloney on this story.

My kids' school has a "student of the year" award for each subject. It's not at all based on which kid is the smartest or has the top grade in the class, but instead based on attitude, effort, improvement, and other nebulous things that for whatever reason stand out to the teacher. I imagine that some of the parents who win these awards misinterpret it and think it means their kid was the smartest one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People can be judgmental dicks about single moms and extra judgmental about single moms with biracial kids. I fully do believe that there are people out there who think they did the “right” things by marrying, and staying married to, some waspy guy and this breeds a sense of entitlement. Maybe you are making up all of this in your head, OP, but I wouldn’t put it past some people to side eye your kid for doing better than theirs.

People can be judgmental dicks.

Fixed that for you.

Their insecurities have zero to do with you and your family, OP. Find your people, and ignore what the looky loos do or say - they do not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are overthinking things and reading into things. Just relax, no one really cares that much.

+1

It’s not that deep OP

Thank you. My overthinking probably has a little bit to do about the chip on my shoulder of being a single mom and sometimes feeling like others would look down on us. I agree with you.

Don't worry about what other's think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

This.

When applying to HSs we had people flat out tell us that we shouldn’t bother applying to certain schools because their kid “didn’t even get wait listed” or “we have friends whose daughter was top off xyz and they didn’t even get in”.

DS got into all 5 schools he applied and when people found out you could see their eyes pop and jaw drop.

OP doesn’t seem humble nor graceful. Rather, argumentative and insistent her child is number one. Not a top student, THE top student.

[Anonymous]

What other parents think (or rather what YOU think other parents MIGHT think) will have no bearing on your child's education or your family.

My son's public HS guidance counselor thought he was a blathering idiot because his record showed he wasn't in AAP in MS and he took some non-honors classes in 9th grade. That was an actual problem because she tried to keep him out of AP classes that his teachers recommended.

[Anonymous]

I’ve encountered this recently with my academic overachiever kid. He’s starting high school in a very demanding competitive program and a few of the parents he knows from sports seemed shocked that he was admitted to that program, and kind of rude about it - like trying to rationalize it! Not a surprise to anyone he’s in class with, but doesn’t brag about it outside and the sports parents were entirely going on their assumptions not any experience talking to him. That said, if they’d taken any time to chat with him it’s pretty easy to pick on and always has been. It did make me shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve encountered this recently with my academic overachiever kid. He’s starting high school in a very demanding competitive program and a few of the parents he knows from sports seemed shocked that he was admitted to that program, and kind of rude about it - like trying to rationalize it! Not a surprise to anyone he’s in class with, but doesn’t brag about it outside and the sports parents were entirely going on their assumptions not any experience talking to him. That said, if they’d taken any time to chat with him it’s pretty easy to pick on and always has been. It did make me shrug.

Agree. PP here. People can be quite rude if you are not pretentious poseurs. God forbid they give credit where credit is actually due! That is on them, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back just to say that at elementary school graduation, they do give an award to the top academic student, at each of the 5 elementary schools in the town. It's called the [Town name] Teacher's Association award. When I was a kid, we had this at my school and it was called the Kiwanis club award.

Just for your awareness, and I'm very sorry if this triggers you.

Parents complained so much about this kind of thing in the next town over, that they eliminated all awards , academics and others, at graduation. So I understand that you might not be familiar with this. It doesn't excuse your derision, but it is what it is.

Kiwanis club awards are still popular. They don’t choose the “smartest” kid because that’s stupid in elementary school. They choose a child who shows a good moral character, good student, all around good person. That’s something to be proud of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

Strange, I didn't take it that way.

New poster: I did. It’s very braggy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for your comments.

I am sorry if I came across as combative or something. In my view, all that was happened was people said I was lying and I described why I wasn't... I think some PPs may label someone as argumentative if they don't roll over and concede to whatever they say? I don't think (you) can be satisfied and I'm done trying.

The awards are given out according to whoever has the highest grades and I don't know what else to say about it. I also don't know how that matters in terms of my question-- whether she is "the" or "a" top performer.

I think schools can vary a lot and some posters just really don't realize that. I have a friend who is the Principal of a PUBLIC school in Alabama where they PADDLE kids as a form of punishment. I think that's a hell of a lot crazier than a school district giving awards to the highest graded students, but maybe it's just me. I am in the US and everything I said about how they award/evaluate in this SD is true. Why that elicits skepticism and vitriol, I don't know.

Also sorry if it bothered people that I was "bragging" - I don't think of it like that because this is anonymous and I take for granted that you don't say it that way in real life.

Thank you for all the kind words and support. Like I said in previous posts - I think there are a variety of things going on here. Part of it is in my head and due to my insecurity, part of it is because people do have biases against single moms/certain minorities, part of it is that the bubbly show choir girl doesn't seem like the type, and the biggest part of it is that we don't discuss academics, achievements, etc. with others so it is just honest surprise on their part.

It doesn't matter! We'll definitely try not to pay attention to what others say and keep working hard. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your comments.

I am sorry if I came across as combative or something. In my view, all that was happened was people said I was lying and I described why I wasn't... I think some PPs may label someone as argumentative if they don't roll over and concede to whatever they say? I don't think (you) can be satisfied and I'm done trying.

The awards are given out according to whoever has the highest grades and I don't know what else to say about it. I also don't know how that matters in terms of my question-- whether she is "the" or "a" top performer.

I think schools can vary a lot and some posters just really don't realize that. I have a friend who is the Principal of a PUBLIC school in Alabama where they PADDLE kids as a form of punishment. I think that's a hell of a lot crazier than a school district giving awards to the highest graded students, but maybe it's just me. I am in the US and everything I said about how they award/evaluate in this SD is true. Why that elicits skepticism and vitriol, I don't know.

Also sorry if it bothered people that I was "bragging" - I don't think of it like that because this is anonymous and I take for granted that you don't say it that way in real life.

Thank you for all the kind words and support. Like I said in previous posts - I think there are a variety of things going on here. Part of it is in my head and due to my insecurity, part of it is because people do have biases against single moms/certain minorities, part of it is that the bubbly show choir girl doesn't seem like the type, and the biggest part of it is that we don't discuss academics, achievements, etc. with others so it is just honest surprise on their part.

It doesn't matter! We'll definitely try not to pay attention to what others say and keep working hard. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

You sound obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Here is the summary of OP: You're a social, non-braggy and funny mother of a top performing, bubbly, tall, socially confident, but underestimated girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are overthinking things and reading into things. Just relax, no one really cares that much.

This and congrats.

Continue building her confidence and academic success!