Other parents surprised my kid is smart?

[Anonymous]

At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

[Anonymous]

You are overthinking things and reading into things. Just relax, no one really cares that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

[Anonymous]

There was a time, in the not-too-distant past, where boys also excelled at school. Now it's all girls, in the academic and social leadership positions.

This isn't good for either girls or boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

This could be it. We are low-key. We're not talking about her A's or going to Kumon (she doesn't). Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

Lol op here. Fair point. Reading my post I can totally get that. But this is anonymous and I'm really looking for insight, and I would never say those things in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a time, in the not-too-distant past, where boys also excelled at school. Now it's all girls, in the academic and social leadership positions.

This isn't good for either girls or boys.

Yeah it may be a girl thing. It may be that they are expecting boys to be the top two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are overthinking things and reading into things. Just relax, no one really cares that much.

OP here. Thanks. I think you're spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a time, in the not-too-distant past, where boys also excelled at school. Now it's all girls, in the academic and social leadership positions.

This isn't good for either girls or boys.

Yeah it may be a girl thing. It may be that they are expecting boys to be the top two.

No, that's not what I meant. No one is expecting boys to be the top anything. And they aren't.

As for your specific scenario, you say your DD has been receiving awards for years and year. No one is surprised. You're misreading something.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids is like this. It's like he's Bruce Wayne and has a secret identity. At this point, I think he embraces it, and cultivates it. I think it's because he's goofy and kind of hyper although not ADHD. He has a brother who is much less academically talented, that everyone assumes is smarter.

When it's friends at school or their parents, I don't mind, because I do think he contributes to it himself. I have family members who can not let go of this view and it drives me crazy.

I definitely see how racism could play into it, although in our case our boys are white. We're also a single mom family, and on the low end of the income spectrum for our school, but if that was the reason you'd think it applied to both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

You are posting about end of school year awards in September.

This tells me you're significantly over-invested in these things. 99% of families couldn't care less about elementary and middle school awards. They're not important for college admissions. Maybe people you know are nice and politely give you and your child a compliment on the occasion, but the second your back is turned, I can promise you they've forgotten all about it. Yes, your child is smart. And so what? They'll need to scramble and work hard like everyone else for seats in selective colleges, competing against legacy, development and athletic recruits who may not be as smart. Then they will compete with better-networked people for good jobs. It's nice to be intelligent, but Life sometimes gives advantages to other things.

Knowing this, OP, I think you badly need perspective on what it takes to succeed and be happy in life. We're an intellectual, academic family, and our older teens always did well in school. But we know it's not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are posting about end of school year awards in September.

This tells me you're significantly over-invested in these things. 99% of families couldn't care less about elementary and middle school awards. They're not important for college admissions. Maybe people you know are nice and politely give you and your child a compliment on the occasion, but the second your back is turned, I can promise you they've forgotten all about it. Yes, your child is smart. And so what? They'll need to scramble and work hard like everyone else for seats in selective colleges, competing against legacy, development and athletic recruits who may not be as smart. Then they will compete with better-networked people for good jobs. It's nice to be intelligent, but Life sometimes gives advantages to other things.

Knowing this, OP, I think you badly need perspective on what it takes to succeed and be happy in life. We're an intellectual, academic family, and our older teens always did well in school. But we know it's not enough.

They just emailed out a correction from last year's marking period 4 awards that had nothing to do with my DD. But her name was on there again in the same spot. It got me thinking about the assembly we had in June.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I agree that having a well-rounded life is important!