Other parents surprised my kid is smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your comments.

I am sorry if I came across as combative or something. In my view, all that was happened was people said I was lying and I described why I wasn't... I think some PPs may label someone as argumentative if they don't roll over and concede to whatever they say? I don't think (you) can be satisfied and I'm done trying.

The awards are given out according to whoever has the highest grades and I don't know what else to say about it. I also don't know how that matters in terms of my question-- whether she is "the" or "a" top performer.

I think schools can vary a lot and some posters just really don't realize that. I have a friend who is the Principal of a PUBLIC school in Alabama where they PADDLE kids as a form of punishment. I think that's a hell of a lot crazier than a school district giving awards to the highest graded students, but maybe it's just me. I am in the US and everything I said about how they award/evaluate in this SD is true. Why that elicits skepticism and vitriol, I don't know.

Also sorry if it bothered people that I was "bragging" - I don't think of it like that because this is anonymous and I take for granted that you don't say it that way in real life.

Thank you for all the kind words and support. Like I said in previous posts - I think there are a variety of things going on here. Part of it is in my head and due to my insecurity, part of it is because people do have biases against single moms/certain minorities, part of it is that the bubbly show choir girl doesn't seem like the type, and the biggest part of it is that we don't discuss academics, achievements, etc. with others so it is just honest surprise on their part.

It doesn't matter! We'll definitely try not to pay attention to what others say and keep working hard. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

All that and you never said what makes you think other parents are surprised. Do they say or do anything in particular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Nothing is happening.

It’s 4th or 5th grade, apparently no one knows your kid well from any EC or otherwise and she got one of several academic achievement awards.

Great.

So people who don’t know you or your kid said, wow great job, didn’t know anything about you.

So what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here.

I have a blonde athletic kid who went to school with many Indian and Asian kids. He never was out in GT even with perfect scores.

Soon it became clear based on his courses, taking with friends (all 5s on every AP; perfect SAT never below an A at a toigh private).

We are really into sports but equally value education and it’s the first part that makes many “academic” parents make wrong assumptions.

Very true and double for smart, athletic, pretty girls. Some parents cannot fathom they are intelligent and hardworking at their studies as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Nothing is happening.

It’s 4th or 5th grade, apparently no one knows your kid well from any EC or otherwise and she got one of several academic achievement awards.

Great.

So people who don’t know you or your kid said, wow great job, didn’t know anything about you.

So what.

I find it hard to believe. Most of the “smart” kids are identified bc they are in academically talented programs and then in middle school are taking algebra in 6th grade. Talking about it with others doesn’t matter. The kids and parents know who are in those classes if their own kids are in them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

This.

When applying to HSs we had people flat out tell us that we shouldn’t bother applying to certain schools because their kid “didn’t even get wait listed” or “we have friends whose daughter was top off xyz and they didn’t even get in”.

DS got into all 5 schools he applied and when people found out you could see their eyes pop and jaw drop.

OP doesn’t seem humble nor graceful. Rather, argumentative and insistent her child is number one. Not a top student, THE top student.

+1
This was probably one of the most obnoxious posts I've read in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine how you would know people are surprised your kid is smart, OP. Do they actually gasp when her name is called? So they really make comments like “I’m surprised Darla won that award, I thought Larla had it for sure!”?

Or perhaps you are projecting a bit?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Nothing is happening.

It’s 4th or 5th grade, apparently no one knows your kid well from any EC or otherwise and she got one of several academic achievement awards.

Great.

So people who don’t know you or your kid said, wow great job, didn’t know anything about you.

So what.

I find it hard to believe. Most of the “smart” kids are identified bc they are in academically talented programs and then in middle school are taking algebra in 6th grade. Talking about it with others doesn’t matter. The kids and parents know who are in those classes if their own kids are in them

Not all states have academic programs for talented kids. Interesting enough is the states who have the best overall public schools are the ones who don’t have gifted programs. NYC is phasing them out.

There’s no way most parents know other children’s strengths and weaknesses in elementary school academics. And all 6th grade algebra shows is a kid has an interest and aptitude in math.

[Anonymous]

They're just jealous & at some level, can't believe a single mom could raise a "successful" child.

You're doing fine.

Enjoy your time. College app season will be here before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, what grade and age was OP’s kid in hen they got this? Last May?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Why did you post this in September?
When did this actually happen? The award and the comments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Why did you post this in September?
When did this actually happen? The award and the comments?

Does it matter?

It seems OP's school has award ceremonies, and OP's DC was acknowledged, and some of the other parents have a problem with that. Not that hard to understand.

OP, keep doing you, and do so quietly. You obviously got it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Why did you post this in September?
When did this actually happen? The award and the comments?

Faux complaint to create drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

Why did you post this in September?
When did this actually happen? The award and the comments?

Does it matter?

It seems OP's school has award ceremonies, and OP's DC was acknowledged, and some of the other parents have a problem with that. Not that hard to understand.

OP, keep doing you, and do so quietly. You obviously got it right.

No, “for some reason,” OP “feels” the other parents are “surprised.” Has never provided any basis for this feeling. Either it’s all in her head or she is a troll.