Other parents surprised my kid is smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

+1

Same here, OP. Since this is anon, I will say that the one thing is that knowing your kid is a superstar, you can't say anything in person, but you want to shout it from the rooftops! I say good on you, because clearly you did something right. Cheers!


Many parents do everything “right” and don’t have kids who achieve scholastically like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

No. I don’t have any thoughts about your neurotic navel gazing except to say people really aren’t thinking about your kid at all.

Thanks for posting despite not having any thoughts on this except to insult me. I'm sometimes insecure about being a single mom. Nobody's perfect.

Right - so it's clear you're just insecure - take that point and move on. It doesn't really matter how smart anyone else thinks your kid is. But some of us don't have a chip on our shoulder to worry about it. You do - so just recognize and know that everything is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

This is bizarre. I don’t even understand how someone can be #1. They either have a A or not. Top standardized test score? What is the metric here?

No. All of their grades are out of 100.

And no other kids have a 100 or a 99 or whatever? Sorry, I’m just not buying that there is a #1 elementary school kid or middle school kid for that matter. You even said they don’t rank, so assume your kid is someone #1 is odd

Okay, I'm totally wrong in my assumption that she is the top student. She's just the student who is the most academically celebrated based on GPA by a wide margin. Feel better?

[Anonymous]

For some reason, you feel others are surprised?

Are they actually surprised or is this in your head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some reason, you feel others are surprised?

Are they actually surprised or is this in your head?

To be honest, I think it's a little of both.

There are people that are having that reaction. But not as much as I might imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

This.

+1 absolutely ridiculous post, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

This.

+1 absolutely ridiculous post, OP.

Sorry you feel that way and that my admission and clarification wasn't enough for you. I actually received a lot of helpful, supportive messages so I'm very glad I posted.

God bless every poster who understands that people may be in circumstances that make them feel unsure of themselves and try to help. I'll try to pay it forward and doing the same for others, and not make them feel ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

This.

+1 absolutely ridiculous post, OP.

Sorry you feel that way and that my admission and clarification wasn't enough for you. I actually received a lot of helpful, supportive messages so I'm very glad I posted.

God bless every poster who understands that people may be in circumstances that make them feel unsure of themselves and try to help. I'll try to pay it forward and doing the same for others, and not make them feel ridiculous.

+1

PP here. Your positive, stay in your lane attitude is what will help your family achieve, OP. And to other PP who says many parents do everything "right" and still have issues - I know, first hand. Therein lies the issue - parents make assumptions based on an extremely small amount of information - in either direction. I believe that is OP's point, exactly. OP, the amount of negativity on this thread is telling. Keep doing what you do!

Example: At one point (some time ago), I created a college thread about what schools to look at with certain stats, and was inundated with negativity. Others who created the same kind of thread, mixed positive and negative, since. So, as anything else, it really depends on what day you post, OP. Not that it matters, really, as you know. All you have to do is read the college posts to see how people really see themselves. I think it is generally more difficult for those who have not had to fight for what little they have, or are spoiled, or have been taken care of, IME OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

The main thing is: I know, as the here humble bragging mother of a wonderful kid, that it’s a little awkward and scary to celebrate how wonderful our kids are.

Who know whose feelings we’ll hurt, and who knows what the future holds?

But, at this golden moment: You won the kid lottery. You have an objectively wonderful kid. You had a great baby and were a great parent. You rock. I hope you eat a good cookie and have a terrific day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the end of elementary school and a though out middle, our District does a bunch of academic awards. They don't rank kids, but you can discern that DD is the top student, and that her friend Larla is number 2, and there are the usual suspects of about dozen high performing kids from there. For some reason, I feel like other parents are often surprised that DD is that kid. Like, they do think of her as one of the dozen or so really 'smart' kids, but there's a feeling of "really? her?" that I'm picking up on. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, Idk.

Maybe it's because her friend Larla is much more bookish and quiet?
DD is not popular or unpopular but very confident socially. She's into her show choir friends and that group is on the nerdy side.
DD is mixed race. She is pretty and tall. (Don't know why that would matter, but sharing in case)
Her dad has not been in the picture since she was a toddler. Is it some kind of single mom stigma?
Maybe it's me? I'm social and funny, but not dumb! I went to a good college/grad school. I WFH.

Any thoughts?

The main thing is: I know, as the here humble bragging mother of a wonderful kid, that it’s a little awkward and scary to celebrate how wonderful our kids are.

Who know whose feelings we’ll hurt, and who knows what the future holds?

But, at this golden moment: You won the kid lottery. You have an objectively wonderful kid. You had a great baby and were a great parent. You rock. I hope you eat a good cookie and have a terrific day.

No one is claiming they "won" - but see how you take it that way? It really is about you, not OP. Let OP enjoy this moment. Isn't parenthood difficult enough without so much negativity in your outlook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thought is probably that you and your daughter are humble and graceful, so people just didn't know. In a world where parents of smart kids tend to humble brag endlessly and annoyingly, I'd say you are refreshing!

OP’s post was one long humble brag lol

This.

+1 absolutely ridiculous post, OP.

Op sounds the opposite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

This is bizarre. I don’t even understand how someone can be #1. They either have a A or not. Top standardized test score? What is the metric here?

No. All of their grades are out of 100.

And no other kids have a 100 or a 99 or whatever? Sorry, I’m just not buying that there is a #1 elementary school kid or middle school kid for that matter. You even said they don’t rank, so assume your kid is someone #1 is odd

Okay, I'm totally wrong in my assumption that she is the top student. She's just the student who is the most academically celebrated based on GPA by a wide margin. Feel better?

What school district does this “celebrating” I’d love to know

[Anonymous]

racism/sexism. but don’t worry too much because you’re incredibly fortunate to have a DC who is going to be conventionally successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you can claim your elementary or middle school kid is #1. There don’t rank or separate them. There’s the “top” students, and then everyone else

They say the top 2 of every subject at the awards ceremony, and there are other telling awards. The way it is shaking out for her grade, you can tell #1, have a reasonable guess about #2 and maaaybe #3. After that there's no telling. I agree they do not rank, as I mentioned in my OP.

This is bizarre. I don’t even understand how someone can be #1. They either have a A or not. Top standardized test score? What is the metric here?

No. All of their grades are out of 100.

And no other kids have a 100 or a 99 or whatever? Sorry, I’m just not buying that there is a #1 elementary school kid or middle school kid for that matter. You even said they don’t rank, so assume your kid is someone #1 is odd

Okay, I'm totally wrong in my assumption that she is the top student. She's just the student who is the most academically celebrated based on GPA by a wide margin. Feel better?

What school district does this “celebrating” I’d love to know

OP, you do not owe this poster a response, and certainly do not owe them any information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some reason, you feel others are surprised?

Are they actually surprised or is this in your head?

To be honest, I think it's a little of both.

There are people that are having that reaction. But not as much as I might imagine.

What tells you they are having that reaction? Words? Actions?