Bar mitzvah invitation expectations/etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the equivalent of a birthday party, just with services added. No, parents don't attend with their kids unless you're friends with the parents. It's often fine to skip the services part... just ask the parents.

That’s not really helpful to OP given the logistics.

Sounds like a big hassle.

At least when I grew up, many of the kids skipped the services part and just went to the reception. That's the point -- if the kid doesn't need to go to services then the parent can just drive them to the reception. Easy. Same as any other birthday party.

Nobody skipped the services when I was a kid, and nobody skipped the services when my kids got bar/bat mitzvah'd. That would be the rudest thing ever. Totally inappropriate.

My child would never skip but I do understand sometimes kids may have other plans in the morning but their friends want to celebrate with them during the party. I don't think it's that black and white.

It's nice if my kid can go, but the problem is for kids, like mine, who have something standing every Saturday morning. Then 7th grade comes and you might have a lot of Jewish friends or go to a private school where it is customary to invite the whole class (I had one of each of these situations) and it's also not great for the kid to miss so many Saturdays of their activity. So, I guess you have to decide on your etiquette. My kids made a point to go to services for their close friends, but often, it's just the party.

My child has actually had to skip the party a few times but made a point of going to the service, even if not close friends, to show support and be part of the celebration. My child is not Jewish but several BFFs are so DC knows how big of a deal it is for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

I’m the pp who is annoyed at OP for being “irked”. I have zero issue with skipping the service. When I was growing up it was very much frowned upon to miss the service and only happened in extreme circumstances but kids these days are busier with scheduled sports and activities. My own kids have missed services from time to time if they had a game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the pp who is annoyed at OP for being “irked”. I have zero issue with skipping the service. When I was growing up it was very much frowned upon to miss the service and only happened in extreme circumstances but kids these days are busier with scheduled sports and activities. My own kids have missed services from time to time if they had a game.

1. No they're not.
2. Even if they are, they prioritize and not prioritizing a religious big moment is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Skip the boring part drop him off for the party

This is so rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the equivalent of a birthday party, just with services added. No, parents don't attend with their kids unless you're friends with the parents. It's often fine to skip the services part... just ask the parents.

That’s not really helpful to OP given the logistics.

Sounds like a big hassle.

At least when I grew up, many of the kids skipped the services part and just went to the reception. That's the point -- if the kid doesn't need to go to services then the parent can just drive them to the reception. Easy. Same as any other birthday party.

Nobody skipped the services when I was a kid, and nobody skipped the services when my kids got bar/bat mitzvah'd. That would be the rudest thing ever. Totally inappropriate.

My child would never skip but I do understand sometimes kids may have other plans in the morning but their friends want to celebrate with them during the party. I don't think it's that black and white.

It's nice if my kid can go, but the problem is for kids, like mine, who have something standing every Saturday morning. Then 7th grade comes and you might have a lot of Jewish friends or go to a private school where it is customary to invite the whole class (I had one of each of these situations) and it's also not great for the kid to miss so many Saturdays of their activity. So, I guess you have to decide on your etiquette. My kids made a point to go to services for their close friends, but often, it's just the party.

My child has actually had to skip the party a few times but made a point of going to the service, even if not close friends, to show support and be part of the celebration. My child is not Jewish but several BFFs are so DC knows how big of a deal it is for everyone involved.

Same here. The only time my daughter missed a service was when she was invited to two in one day and same timing. She chose the service for one and the party for the other.

Otherwise she goes to the service. I can’t imagine telling the parents. Sorry Suzy has soccer so she can’t make the service. But she will party with you tonight! It’s terrible etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

Not OP. You are projecting a whole lot that wasn’t in the OP and are kind of acting like a jackazz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

OP here. Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions. The whole grade was not invited, just a handful of kids. From what I understand from my son, this boy doesn't seem to have many friends at school (not mean or anything, just a bit socially awkward - weren't a lot of us at that age?). He and my son are friendly because they live nearby and sometimes walk home from school together. At first I also thought it might be a whole-grade invitation, but once I got the sense it wasn't I talked to my son and he decided to go because he gets that it would suck to do all that work and not have friends show up for you on your big day. I emailed the parents to get more information about the logistics so that's all squared away, and my son found a couple of friends who are also invited and got them on board as well so he won't feel awkward if he doesn't know anyone there. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the equivalent of a birthday party, just with services added. No, parents don't attend with their kids unless you're friends with the parents. It's often fine to skip the services part... just ask the parents.

That’s not really helpful to OP given the logistics.

Sounds like a big hassle.

At least when I grew up, many of the kids skipped the services part and just went to the reception. That's the point -- if the kid doesn't need to go to services then the parent can just drive them to the reception. Easy. Same as any other birthday party.

Nobody skipped the services when I was a kid, and nobody skipped the services when my kids got bar/bat mitzvah'd. That would be the rudest thing ever. Totally inappropriate.

My child would never skip but I do understand sometimes kids may have other plans in the morning but their friends want to celebrate with them during the party. I don't think it's that black and white.

It's nice if my kid can go, but the problem is for kids, like mine, who have something standing every Saturday morning. Then 7th grade comes and you might have a lot of Jewish friends or go to a private school where it is customary to invite the whole class (I had one of each of these situations) and it's also not great for the kid to miss so many Saturdays of their activity. So, I guess you have to decide on your etiquette. My kids made a point to go to services for their close friends, but often, it's just the party.

My child has actually had to skip the party a few times but made a point of going to the service, even if not close friends, to show support and be part of the celebration. My child is not Jewish but several BFFs are so DC knows how big of a deal it is for everyone involved.

Same here. The only time my daughter missed a service was when she was invited to two in one day and same timing. She chose the service for one and the party for the other.

Otherwise she goes to the service. I can’t imagine telling the parents. Sorry Suzy has soccer so she can’t make the service. But she will party with you tonight! It’s terrible etiquette.

!00%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the equivalent of a birthday party, just with services added. No, parents don't attend with their kids unless you're friends with the parents. It's often fine to skip the services part... just ask the parents.

That’s not really helpful to OP given the logistics.

Sounds like a big hassle.

At least when I grew up, many of the kids skipped the services part and just went to the reception. That's the point -- if the kid doesn't need to go to services then the parent can just drive them to the reception. Easy. Same as any other birthday party.

Nobody skipped the services when I was a kid, and nobody skipped the services when my kids got bar/bat mitzvah'd. That would be the rudest thing ever. Totally inappropriate.

My child would never skip but I do understand sometimes kids may have other plans in the morning but their friends want to celebrate with them during the party. I don't think it's that black and white.

It's nice if my kid can go, but the problem is for kids, like mine, who have something standing every Saturday morning. Then 7th grade comes and you might have a lot of Jewish friends or go to a private school where it is customary to invite the whole class (I had one of each of these situations) and it's also not great for the kid to miss so many Saturdays of their activity. So, I guess you have to decide on your etiquette. My kids made a point to go to services for their close friends, but often, it's just the party.

My child has actually had to skip the party a few times but made a point of going to the service, even if not close friends, to show support and be part of the celebration. My child is not Jewish but several BFFs are so DC knows how big of a deal it is for everyone involved.

Same here. The only time my daughter missed a service was when she was invited to two in one day and same timing. She chose the service for one and the party for the other.

Otherwise she goes to the service. I can’t imagine telling the parents. Sorry Suzy has soccer so she can’t make the service. But she will party with you tonight! It’s terrible etiquette.

!00%

Well, I made different choices. I wasn't going to have my kid miss 12 weeks of an activity over the course of the year. If a soccer game happens to be between the service and the party, perfect, those worked out swell. I didn't see our Saturday morning schedule as a reason to decline all party invites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

OP here. Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions. The whole grade was not invited, just a handful of kids. From what I understand from my son, this boy doesn't seem to have many friends at school (not mean or anything, just a bit socially awkward - weren't a lot of us at that age?). He and my son are friendly because they live nearby and sometimes walk home from school together. At first I also thought it might be a whole-grade invitation, but once I got the sense it wasn't I talked to my son and he decided to go because he gets that it would suck to do all that work and not have friends show up for you on your big day. I emailed the parents to get more information about the logistics so that's all squared away, and my son found a couple of friends who are also invited and got them on board as well so he won't feel awkward if he doesn't know anyone there. Problem solved.

Wow yourself, OP. In a later post you wondered why on earth your child was invited and said you were irked. Yes, incorrectly assumed they invited the whole grade but then we come to see that, no, the mitzvah boy is socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends.

Look- I’m glad your son found some friends to go with and that the transportation is taken care of. I just found your posts to be a bit hurtful and I’d assume the family of this boy would as well.

To the PP who said that kids shouldn’t skip the service, I simply disagree. We didn’t even invite most kids to the service for my son. To each his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

OP here. Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions. The whole grade was not invited, just a handful of kids. From what I understand from my son, this boy doesn't seem to have many friends at school (not mean or anything, just a bit socially awkward - weren't a lot of us at that age?). He and my son are friendly because they live nearby and sometimes walk home from school together. At first I also thought it might be a whole-grade invitation, but once I got the sense it wasn't I talked to my son and he decided to go because he gets that it would suck to do all that work and not have friends show up for you on your big day. I emailed the parents to get more information about the logistics so that's all squared away, and my son found a couple of friends who are also invited and got them on board as well so he won't feel awkward if he doesn't know anyone there. Problem solved.

Wow yourself, OP. In a later post you wondered why on earth your child was invited and said you were irked. Yes, incorrectly assumed they invited the whole grade but then we come to see that, no, the mitzvah boy is socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends.

Look- I’m glad your son found some friends to go with and that the transportation is taken care of. I just found your posts to be a bit hurtful and I’d assume the family of this boy would as well.

To the PP who said that kids shouldn’t skip the service, I simply disagree. We didn’t even invite most kids to the service for my son. To each his own.

OP was pretty clear she was irked by the lack of information in the invitation, not by the invitation itself. It’s okay to admit you were wrong and just step away from the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

OP here. Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions. The whole grade was not invited, just a handful of kids. From what I understand from my son, this boy doesn't seem to have many friends at school (not mean or anything, just a bit socially awkward - weren't a lot of us at that age?). He and my son are friendly because they live nearby and sometimes walk home from school together. At first I also thought it might be a whole-grade invitation, but once I got the sense it wasn't I talked to my son and he decided to go because he gets that it would suck to do all that work and not have friends show up for you on your big day. I emailed the parents to get more information about the logistics so that's all squared away, and my son found a couple of friends who are also invited and got them on board as well so he won't feel awkward if he doesn't know anyone there. Problem solved.

Wow yourself, OP. In a later post you wondered why on earth your child was invited and said you were irked. Yes, incorrectly assumed they invited the whole grade but then we come to see that, no, the mitzvah boy is socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends.

Look- I’m glad your son found some friends to go with and that the transportation is taken care of. I just found your posts to be a bit hurtful and I’d assume the family of this boy would as well.

To the PP who said that kids shouldn’t skip the service, I simply disagree. We didn’t even invite most kids to the service for my son. To each his own.

What are you hurt by a post that has nothing to do with you?

[Anonymous]

you don't attend with him. He goes, he gets a ride from random relatives of the kid getting bar/bat mitzvah'd

So the service has ended and people are scattering and my kid is suppose to hope a kind stranger happens to give him a ride?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

OP here. Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions. The whole grade was not invited, just a handful of kids. From what I understand from my son, this boy doesn't seem to have many friends at school (not mean or anything, just a bit socially awkward - weren't a lot of us at that age?). He and my son are friendly because they live nearby and sometimes walk home from school together. At first I also thought it might be a whole-grade invitation, but once I got the sense it wasn't I talked to my son and he decided to go because he gets that it would suck to do all that work and not have friends show up for you on your big day. I emailed the parents to get more information about the logistics so that's all squared away, and my son found a couple of friends who are also invited and got them on board as well so he won't feel awkward if he doesn't know anyone there. Problem solved.

Wow yourself, OP. In a later post you wondered why on earth your child was invited and said you were irked. Yes, incorrectly assumed they invited the whole grade but then we come to see that, no, the mitzvah boy is socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends.

Look- I’m glad your son found some friends to go with and that the transportation is taken care of. I just found your posts to be a bit hurtful and I’d assume the family of this boy would as well.

To the PP who said that kids shouldn’t skip the service, I simply disagree. We didn’t even invite most kids to the service for my son. To each his own.

OP was pretty clear she was irked by the lack of information in the invitation, not by the invitation itself. It’s okay to admit you were wrong and just step away from the discussion.

NP. I think the irked poster is in the right. It's disgusting how she talks about the socially awkward kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your tone offensive OP. It sounds like the Mitzvah boy’s parents were being inclusive and inviting the entire grade. If your son doesn’t want to go, politely decline the invitation.

Often the hosts will rent buses to take the kids from the service to the reception especially in an arrangement like this but it’s not required. If this is the case it’s usually noted on the imitation. If it’s too inconvenient for you to find him a carpool or wait for him during the service, just decline.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that OP would be “irked” by her son receiving a bar mitzvah invitation from a family that’s clearly trying to be celebratory and inclusive.

OP here. Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions. The whole grade was not invited, just a handful of kids. From what I understand from my son, this boy doesn't seem to have many friends at school (not mean or anything, just a bit socially awkward - weren't a lot of us at that age?). He and my son are friendly because they live nearby and sometimes walk home from school together. At first I also thought it might be a whole-grade invitation, but once I got the sense it wasn't I talked to my son and he decided to go because he gets that it would suck to do all that work and not have friends show up for you on your big day. I emailed the parents to get more information about the logistics so that's all squared away, and my son found a couple of friends who are also invited and got them on board as well so he won't feel awkward if he doesn't know anyone there. Problem solved.

Wow yourself, OP. In a later post you wondered why on earth your child was invited and said you were irked. Yes, incorrectly assumed they invited the whole grade but then we come to see that, no, the mitzvah boy is socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends.

Look- I’m glad your son found some friends to go with and that the transportation is taken care of. I just found your posts to be a bit hurtful and I’d assume the family of this boy would as well.

To the PP who said that kids shouldn’t skip the service, I simply disagree. We didn’t even invite most kids to the service for my son. To each his own.

What are you hurt by a post that has nothing to do with you?

I'm not even Jewish and I found the OP's posts offensive.