Is it okay to be worried why our son still doesn't have a girlfriend at college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nearly 21 year old son attends an Ivy League college. He seems social, has a good amount of guy friends. Most of them have girlfriends. And most of his high school classmates also have significant others. Our son takes female dates to some college events, which he shares on social media, but he hasn't had a girlfriend so far at college. I see his peers flying to and from each others' homes on social media. But every college break we ask if he'd like money or a flight to go visit any friends (i.e. a girlfriend's hometown) and he has said no every time. And he has never asked to bring a girl home. I'm sure the first comment will be he could be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't think that's it. Or maybe he's a secret Lothario. No, that's not the case. My worry is he's immature and looks it. I think he comes across as much younger than his age but I don't know how to explain this to him. For example, he's really into that Barstool sports obsession nonsense. He also has my husband's baby face, so he still looks like a high school boy.

Why are you watching your kid & your kids' friends social media accounts? This is weird.

Not at all. Default settings on Facebook can put anything your kid is tagged in or comments onto your feed, even if you aren’t connected to the friends. And any photo your kid is tagged in will post itself to their page.

[Anonymous]

Do kids even listen to advice from parents? Even if it’s valid, I suspect it’s all in one ear out the other. They think we’re ancient out of touch old timers.

[Anonymous]

You have some serious parenting issues that you want to be that involved in your son's personal life. Leave the man alone and butt out.

[Anonymous]

+1 to the posts telling you to butt out, but also, what relevance does him going to an Ivy League college have here (besides the rampant DCUM obsession with Ivy Leagues, that is)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nearly 21 year old son attends an Ivy League college. He seems social, has a good amount of guy friends. Most of them have girlfriends. And most of his high school classmates also have significant others. Our son takes female dates to some college events, which he shares on social media, but he hasn't had a girlfriend so far at college. I see his peers flying to and from each others' homes on social media. But every college break we ask if he'd like money or a flight to go visit any friends (i.e. a girlfriend's hometown) and he has said no every time. And he has never asked to bring a girl home. I'm sure the first comment will be he could be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't think that's it. Or maybe he's a secret Lothario. No, that's not the case. My worry is he's immature and looks it. I think he comes across as much younger than his age but I don't know how to explain this to him. For example, he's really into that Barstool sports obsession nonsense. He also has my husband's baby face, so he still looks like a high school boy.

Why are you watching your kid & your kids' friends social media accounts? This is weird.

Not at all. Default settings on Facebook can put anything your kid is tagged in or comments onto your feed, even if you aren’t connected to the friends. And any photo your kid is tagged in will post itself to their page.

You think her college aged kid is using Facebook? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a virgin till I was 21 OP. Unlike others here I think you should gently encourage him to try the waters, you don’t want this guy sowing wild oats during a marriage or marrying the first girl he lays.

CRINGE. No young adult wants to hear that from their parent.

Jesus you guys are such over-reactors. You can discuss dating/having a girlfriend without explicitly discussing your sex life, good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. BUTT OUT. Your kid probably doesn't want to tell you if he even had a girlfriend. From your post - you are anxious, overly involved, gossipy, judgmental, paranoid and shallow. No wonder he doesn't share.

Agree with this. Stop putting pressure on him. Maybe he IS a late bloomer. Let him mature in his time.

[Anonymous]

I was just at an event with a bunch of boys from an Ivy League college, and man, they are young! Well spoken, earnest, and dorky as can be. Give it ten years, and I’m sure they will have significant others and be quite charming.

[Anonymous]

He is not there to get a Mr. degree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, this poor kid. If he knew his mom started this thread.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:late bloomer like my DH. it's OK. He was picky and disinterested. And into sports obsessions

I'm glad it worked out for your presumably 40 or 50-something husband. However, in 2021 becoming a barstool sports manchild incel who gambles his paycheck on iPhone sports betting apps and ignores women so he can obsessively watch sports all weekend is really not "OK". Young adult men refusing to grow up and act their age is an epidemic, which dovetails on why so many women are out-earning men and why so many women in their 20s and 30s are unmarried and childless.

Wow, did the OP say all that about her son? /sarcasm/

[Anonymous]

I am not often shocked by dcum, but this one did. Not your business. Who cares. GTFO of his business.

[Anonymous]

Could it be the reason DS has not taken you up on the offer to travel is that a couple of years ago, maybe one or two years, he got married in a very simple ceremony or at a courthouse to a local gal, maybe with a few kids of her own from a previous marriage, and he is really just taking time off from this responsibility? He may have been working long hours, picking up extra shifts in a business of some sort in addition to keeping up with his studies, which is not easy.

[Anonymous]

Is he looking? Maybe he doesn’t want a girlfriend now and is happy socializing with friends. Normal people find their mates. Sometimes it just takes time.

[Anonymous]

My college age son enjoys playing the field and dating a bunch of different girls. He doesn’t want a girlfriend and is having probably way too much fun. Maybe your son is dating a bunch of different girls.