Is it okay to be worried why our son still doesn't have a girlfriend at college?
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Anonymous
| Our nearly 21 year old son attends an Ivy League college. He seems social, has a good amount of guy friends. Most of them have girlfriends. And most of his high school classmates also have significant others. Our son takes female dates to some college events, which he shares on social media, but he hasn't had a girlfriend so far at college. I see his peers flying to and from each others' homes on social media. But every college break we ask if he'd like money or a flight to go visit any friends (i.e. a girlfriend's hometown) and he has said no every time. And he has never asked to bring a girl home. I'm sure the first comment will be he could be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't think that's it. Or maybe he's a secret Lothario. No, that's not the case. My worry is he's immature and looks it. I think he comes across as much younger than his age but I don't know how to explain this to him. For example, he's really into that Barstool sports obsession nonsense. He also has my husband's baby face, so he still looks like a high school boy. |
Anonymous
| Eh, I would rather have this problem as a parent than the opposite. Though I really don't think its a problem. I didn't have a boyfriend in college until my sr. year. Some folks are slower to mature, and that's probably a good thing in the long run. |
Anonymous
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OMG. BUTT OUT. Your kid probably doesn't want to tell you if he even had a girlfriend.
From your post - you are anxious, overly involved, gossipy, judgmental, paranoid and shallow. No wonder he doesn't share. |
Anonymous
| late bloomer like my DH. it's OK. He was picky and disinterested. And into sports obsessions |
Anonymous
| Not a problem. Leave him be. |
Anonymous
| Probably not ready for a relationship OP, or not in a hurry for some reason. Or doesn't want to tell you about it. |
Anonymous
| Considering how the last 2 years have gone I’d say it’s normal. |
Anonymous
I would have said it nicer, but in general, I agree with this. |
Anonymous
| Oh my god, this poor kid. If he knew his mom started this thread. |
Anonymous
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He’ll get there, OP. Let him find his path. Maybe he does need to mature— and he will. (Honestly, I think college would have been a lot more fun if I hadn’t had a boyfriend. I don’t know why I felt so compelled to commit to someone at age 20.)
Ivy League Grad— he will have no trouble finding dates and relationships in his 20s! |
Anonymous
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Have you truly considered that he might be gay or bi, and needs time to figure it all out before he's ready to seriously date anyone?
Your whole girlfriend-girls-girlfriend-whataboutgirls mindset makes me think he might not be comfortable coming out to you or telling you he's questioning his sexuality. My brother was this way and didn't tell my parents he was gay until he was 100% sure and had a serious boyfriend--and that wasn't until he was 25. |
Anonymous
+1 Sounds like my son who also not yet had a relationship. I'm sure he'll get there. |
Anonymous
| He’s probably hooking up with lots of different girls. Hope you got him the HPV vaccine. |
Anonymous
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No. I'd be shocked if my son had a girlfriend at that age, given what a late-bloomer his father was... 
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Anonymous
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Oh for the love of god OP, stop keeping tabs on your adult son's life. MYOB.
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