Is it okay to be worried why our son still doesn't have a girlfriend at college?

[Anonymous]

You don’t know how to explain to him that he looks much younger than his age? Like - you’re actually contemplating having some kind of discussion about this with him? WTAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a young adult does not have one boyfriend or girlfriend during four years of college, presumable they did not have one in high school either. That is beyond late bloomer -- it is weird and abnormal. Spare me the hookup culture nonsense. We had hookup culture in college in the early 90s, too, but most of us had boyfriends by the end of sophomore year and nearly all of us by junior or senior year.

To be very blunt, I went to a college where I was head and shoulders above my classmates academically, and mostly in terms of looks & fitness too. There was nobody there that I would’ve wanted to get involved with. Was on an entirely different career trajectory from them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the probably hundred of teen and 20-something women in my Facebook friends and family orbit, I don't think there is one who hasn't posted one if not multiple boyfriends over the last few years. And nearly all of them are pictured with their family or with their boyfriend's family during a holiday, taking flights or road trips together, on and on. No college relationship is kept a secret in 2021. Sounds like something Kevin in the Office would claim -- "you don't know her, she goes to a different school." lol

It's 2021. People in college now roll their eyes at Facebook.

You sound old.

They also don’t have public social media accounts. They have private Snapchat stories, “finstas” and private Instagram accounts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a young adult does not have one boyfriend or girlfriend during four years of college, presumable they did not have one in high school either. That is beyond late bloomer -- it is weird and abnormal. Spare me the hookup culture nonsense. We had hookup culture in college in the early 90s, too, but most of us had boyfriends by the end of sophomore year and nearly all of us by junior or senior year.

Oh, I certainly sowed my wild oats in college & beyond.

I am almost certain my parents thought I was a virgin until I married at 29.

[Anonymous]

I had a boyfriend in high school, but not a steady one for all 4 years of college — a few hookups here and there. Just never met anyone I clicked with. Had plenty of friends who were the same. I am now happily married with three kids (as are my friends who did not have a steady bf during college). Don’t worry OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nearly 21 year old son attends an Ivy League college. He seems social, has a good amount of guy friends. Most of them have girlfriends. And most of his high school classmates also have significant others. Our son takes female dates to some college events, which he shares on social media, but he hasn't had a girlfriend so far at college. I see his peers flying to and from each others' homes on social media. But every college break we ask if he'd like money or a flight to go visit any friends (i.e. a girlfriend's hometown) and he has said no every time. And he has never asked to bring a girl home. I'm sure the first comment will be he could be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't think that's it. Or maybe he's a secret Lothario. No, that's not the case. My worry is he's immature and looks it. I think he comes across as much younger than his age but I don't know how to explain this to him. For example, he's really into that Barstool sports obsession nonsense. He also has my husband's baby face, so he still looks like a high school boy.

are you my clone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. BUTT OUT. Your kid probably doesn't want to tell you if he even had a girlfriend.

From your post - you are anxious, overly involved, gossipy, judgmental, paranoid and shallow.

No wonder he doesn't share.

.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son was like this in HS as he was an academic grind by his choice and then he went to Harvard and we didn’t hear about any GF or any dating for maybe two years. Then in junior year we hear from one of his friends that he is dating “Jessica Simpson with brains” and it turned out to be true. Even my husband couldn’t take his eyes off her. Eventually he meets another gorgeous, smart woman in grad school and married her. All is well! Some boys are just slow starters.

Gross!

There is nothing gross about this story. It's all perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’ll get there, OP. Let him find his path. Maybe he does need to mature— and he will. (Honestly, I think college would have been a lot more fun if I hadn’t had a boyfriend. I don’t know why I felt so compelled to commit to someone at age 20.)

Ivy League Grad— he will have no trouble finding dates and relationships in his 20s!

"Ivy League Grad— he will have no trouble finding dates and relationships in his 20s!"--you're kidding, right? No disrespect but this alone does not make someone dateable and socially aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’ll get there, OP. Let him find his path. Maybe he does need to mature— and he will. (Honestly, I think college would have been a lot more fun if I hadn’t had a boyfriend. I don’t know why I felt so compelled to commit to someone at age 20.)

Ivy League Grad— he will have no trouble finding dates and relationships in his 20s!

I agree, didn’t have boyfriend in college and I even regret wasting my energy with couple of attempts from immature guys

[Anonymous]

This thread is 2 years old
How's he doing now, Op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you truly considered that he might be gay or bi, and needs time to figure it all out before he's ready to seriously date anyone?

Your whole girlfriend-girls-girlfriend-whataboutgirls mindset makes me think he might not be comfortable coming out to you or telling you he's questioning his sexuality. My brother was this way and didn't tell my parents he was gay until he was 100% sure and had a serious boyfriend--and that wasn't until he was 25.

not likely he’s gay, mom would have known by 21, he’s commenting on boobs and such and blushes at scenes in movies, he’s probably too comfortable with his life to take on unnecessary headaches and very afraid of getting someone pregnant and hesitant to ask about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you truly considered that he might be gay or bi, and needs time to figure it all out before he's ready to seriously date anyone?

Your whole girlfriend-girls-girlfriend-whataboutgirls mindset makes me think he might not be comfortable coming out to you or telling you he's questioning his sexuality. My brother was this way and didn't tell my parents he was gay until he was 100% sure and had a serious boyfriend--and that wasn't until he was 25.

not likely he’s gay, mom would have known by 21, he’s commenting on boobs and such and blushes at scenes in movies, he’s probably too comfortable with his life to take on unnecessary headaches and very afraid of getting someone pregnant and hesitant to ask about it

Wtf? With mommy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:late bloomer like my DH. it's OK. He was picky and disinterested. And into sports obsessions

I'm glad it worked out for your presumably 40 or 50-something husband. However, in 2021 becoming a barstool sports manchild incel who gambles his paycheck on iPhone sports betting apps and ignores women so he can obsessively watch sports all weekend is really not "OK". Young adult men refusing to grow up and act their age is an epidemic, which dovetails on why so many women are out-earning men and why so many women in their 20s and 30s are unmarried and childless.

unless he’s spending your money, you have no right to tell someone how to live their life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:late bloomer like my DH. it's OK. He was picky and disinterested. And into sports obsessions

I'm glad it worked out for your presumably 40 or 50-something husband. However, in 2021 becoming a barstool sports manchild incel who gambles his paycheck on iPhone sports betting apps and ignores women so he can obsessively watch sports all weekend is really not "OK". Young adult men refusing to grow up and act their age is an epidemic, which dovetails on why so many women are out-earning men and why so many women in their 20s and 30s are unmarried and childless.

Yes there are a lot of women like you out there- joyless, judgement and childless. You blame every man out there for problems of your own making.