Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

but mostly I'm seething that she thinks I'm some sort of support staff for her life.

I have to take offense at this concept. They are your kids just as much as they are hers. Tone down, to yourself, the sense of injustice at parenting, because, after all, you are a parent. The above-quoted sentiment betrays that maybe you aren't so progressive and maybe you still think it's a very big sacrifice for the father, bigger than it would be for the mother, to single-parent the kids when the mother is traveling.

You're either not a parent/spouse or a really, really, really shitty parent/spouse.

Of course they are his kids and I have yet to see him once complain about them. Is she a shitty mom for not checking in on them? Absolutely. Is she only able to do what she's doing BECAUSE she has a spouse that will support her? Yep. Did you stop and think for a moment about what sacrifices his career is taking because he has a spouse gone all the time? What important meetings/conferences is he inevitably missing?

You're an idiot. We have two people here:

-One leaves her kids and husband for weeks at a time and stays silent.

-And one parent who stays behind with the kids giving them the love, support and care they need AND works his job.

Yet here you are trying to make him the bad guy. You suck. If you have a husband, I pity him. If you don't have a husband, I know why.

-signed, a guy with three kids whose wife also travels a lot.

Woah with the ad hominems, name-calling, and drama!

Yet here you are trying to make him the bad guy.

In my post, I'm suggesting he readjust slightly his perspective on the one narrow issue of feeling taken advantage of. I'm in no way trying to make him the bad guy. I pity.. Nevermind.

Nice back peddle. You called him a selfish bigot. It's there for all to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The facts don’t really matter at this point (and I believe the general points, fwiw). What has been described is a real phenomenon. I’ve lived through it with my wife. It happens, people. Yes, she lost interest in the marriage. And yes, she was cheating. And as a man I felt I was compelled to divorce her because once your wife cheats on you, that’s game over.

Agree with this. If I found out I’d be with a lawyer that afternoon or the next day at the latest. I have no interest in playing second string to someone else .

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t she have at least texted when she got bumped!? She knew you were expecting her and didn’t even bother to let you know this, and that she was going to be gone another night. This doesn’t even make sense even if she was having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't want to discount how you feel at all, because your wife ought to make a better effort to explain things to you. However, my husband also has a TS clearance and travels to places that he is only allowed to tell me about (in person, never over the phone, text, or email) now that we're married (and we usually can't even tell his parents where he is). Sometimes he is off the radar for days, even weeks at a time. Literally, once he was on a submarine and went completely dark. He routinely travels to locations in Asia and it takes him many days to get back to normal after he returns. His days there are long and stressful and when he sends a text saying he's back in his hotel and is crashing, I take it at face value. However, I do so because I have never once been suspicious about what he's doing. I generally know why he's going and where he's going, even if he has to be vague about certain details, even to me. Loose lips sink ships and all that. I found out one time when I thought he was in San Diego (he did start there) that he was actually on the USS Carl Vinsen staring at Osama Bin Laden's dead body. I think all the people saying they always text/call, and your wife is being an absentee mother don't fully appreciate what she does (assuming that she really doesn't have a choice about her lack of availability, like my husband). I don't think my husband is any less of a good dad when we don't hear from him for weeks because I know he'd much rather either be at home with us or be able to communicate with us but what he's doing doesn't allow it. Honestly, if your wife was cheating on you, she'd probably do a better job to try to cover it up. Like FaceTiming you saying she's going to bed minutes before she invites her co-worker into her room. Again, the fact that you feel like this means your wife ought to do something to make you feel better, but if she seems present and engaged in your life when she's home, it's possible that her job really does limit her ability to communicate.

Why are you sharing this information with us??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she have at least texted when she got bumped!? She knew you were expecting her and didn’t even bother to let you know this, and that she was going to be gone another night. This doesn’t even make sense even if she was having an affair.

Cuz she was getting bumped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't want to discount how you feel at all, because your wife ought to make a better effort to explain things to you. However, my husband also has a TS clearance and travels to places that he is only allowed to tell me about (in person, never over the phone, text, or email) now that we're married (and we usually can't even tell his parents where he is). Sometimes he is off the radar for days, even weeks at a time. Literally, once he was on a submarine and went completely dark. He routinely travels to locations in Asia and it takes him many days to get back to normal after he returns. His days there are long and stressful and when he sends a text saying he's back in his hotel and is crashing, I take it at face value. However, I do so because I have never once been suspicious about what he's doing. I generally know why he's going and where he's going, even if he has to be vague about certain details, even to me. Loose lips sink ships and all that. I found out one time when I thought he was in San Diego (he did start there) that he was actually on the USS Carl Vinsen staring at Osama Bin Laden's dead body. I think all the people saying they always text/call, and your wife is being an absentee mother don't fully appreciate what she does (assuming that she really doesn't have a choice about her lack of availability, like my husband). I don't think my husband is any less of a good dad when we don't hear from him for weeks because I know he'd much rather either be at home with us or be able to communicate with us but what he's doing doesn't allow it. Honestly, if your wife was cheating on you, she'd probably do a better job to try to cover it up. Like FaceTiming you saying she's going to bed minutes before she invites her co-worker into her room. Again, the fact that you feel like this means your wife ought to do something to make you feel better, but if she seems present and engaged in your life when she's home, it's possible that her job really does limit her ability to communicate.

Why are you sharing this information with us??

Because it's over. I'm not telling you where he is now, am I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she have at least texted when she got bumped!? She knew you were expecting her and didn’t even bother to let you know this, and that she was going to be gone another night. This doesn’t even make sense even if she was having an affair.

Cuz she was getting bumped.

Getting bumped... is that what they call it these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't want to discount how you feel at all, because your wife ought to make a better effort to explain things to you. However, my husband also has a TS clearance and travels to places that he is only allowed to tell me about (in person, never over the phone, text, or email) now that we're married (and we usually can't even tell his parents where he is). Sometimes he is off the radar for days, even weeks at a time. Literally, once he was on a submarine and went completely dark. He routinely travels to locations in Asia and it takes him many days to get back to normal after he returns. His days there are long and stressful and when he sends a text saying he's back in his hotel and is crashing, I take it at face value. However, I do so because I have never once been suspicious about what he's doing. I generally know why he's going and where he's going, even if he has to be vague about certain details, even to me. Loose lips sink ships and all that. I found out one time when I thought he was in San Diego (he did start there) that he was actually on the USS Carl Vinsen staring at Osama Bin Laden's dead body. I think all the people saying they always text/call, and your wife is being an absentee mother don't fully appreciate what she does (assuming that she really doesn't have a choice about her lack of availability, like my husband). I don't think my husband is any less of a good dad when we don't hear from him for weeks because I know he'd much rather either be at home with us or be able to communicate with us but what he's doing doesn't allow it. Honestly, if your wife was cheating on you, she'd probably do a better job to try to cover it up. Like FaceTiming you saying she's going to bed minutes before she invites her co-worker into her room. Again, the fact that you feel like this means your wife ought to do something to make you feel better, but if she seems present and engaged in your life when she's home, it's possible that her job really does limit her ability to communicate.

Why are you sharing this information with us??

humble brag. Can help herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she have at least texted when she got bumped!? She knew you were expecting her and didn’t even bother to let you know this, and that she was going to be gone another night. This doesn’t even make sense even if she was having an affair.

Cuz she was getting bumped.

Getting bumped... is that what they call it these days?

Bumped, banged, smashed, nailed, pummeled, spackled. It's all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't want to discount how you feel at all, because your wife ought to make a better effort to explain things to you. However, my husband also has a TS clearance and travels to places that he is only allowed to tell me about (in person, never over the phone, text, or email) now that we're married (and we usually can't even tell his parents where he is). Sometimes he is off the radar for days, even weeks at a time. Literally, once he was on a submarine and went completely dark. He routinely travels to locations in Asia and it takes him many days to get back to normal after he returns. His days there are long and stressful and when he sends a text saying he's back in his hotel and is crashing, I take it at face value. However, I do so because I have never once been suspicious about what he's doing. I generally know why he's going and where he's going, even if he has to be vague about certain details, even to me. Loose lips sink ships and all that. I found out one time when I thought he was in San Diego (he did start there) that he was actually on the USS Carl Vinsen staring at Osama Bin Laden's dead body. I think all the people saying they always text/call, and your wife is being an absentee mother don't fully appreciate what she does (assuming that she really doesn't have a choice about her lack of availability, like my husband). I don't think my husband is any less of a good dad when we don't hear from him for weeks because I know he'd much rather either be at home with us or be able to communicate with us but what he's doing doesn't allow it. Honestly, if your wife was cheating on you, she'd probably do a better job to try to cover it up. Like FaceTiming you saying she's going to bed minutes before she invites her co-worker into her room. Again, the fact that you feel like this means your wife ought to do something to make you feel better, but if she seems present and engaged in your life when she's home, it's possible that her job really does limit her ability to communicate.

Why are you sharing this information with us??

humble brag. Can help herself.

Boy do you have me pegged! I totally spend my time going on anonymous internet forums to try to impress people I don't know and will never meet. That's clearly the only reason I posted. It couldn't possibly be to counter all the people who say OP's wife must be having an affair because they FaceTime 45 times a day when they're on travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't want to discount how you feel at all, because your wife ought to make a better effort to explain things to you. However, my husband also has a TS clearance and travels to places that he is only allowed to tell me about (in person, never over the phone, text, or email) now that we're married (and we usually can't even tell his parents where he is). Sometimes he is off the radar for days, even weeks at a time. Literally, once he was on a submarine and went completely dark. He routinely travels to locations in Asia and it takes him many days to get back to normal after he returns. His days there are long and stressful and when he sends a text saying he's back in his hotel and is crashing, I take it at face value. However, I do so because I have never once been suspicious about what he's doing. I generally know why he's going and where he's going, even if he has to be vague about certain details, even to me. Loose lips sink ships and all that. I found out one time when I thought he was in San Diego (he did start there) that he was actually on the USS Carl Vinsen staring at Osama Bin Laden's dead body. I think all the people saying they always text/call, and your wife is being an absentee mother don't fully appreciate what she does (assuming that she really doesn't have a choice about her lack of availability, like my husband). I don't think my husband is any less of a good dad when we don't hear from him for weeks because I know he'd much rather either be at home with us or be able to communicate with us but what he's doing doesn't allow it. Honestly, if your wife was cheating on you, she'd probably do a better job to try to cover it up. Like FaceTiming you saying she's going to bed minutes before she invites her co-worker into her room. Again, the fact that you feel like this means your wife ought to do something to make you feel better, but if she seems present and engaged in your life when she's home, it's possible that her job really does limit her ability to communicate.

Why are you sharing this information with us??

humble brag. Can help herself.

Boy do you have me pegged! I totally spend my time going on anonymous internet forums to try to impress people I don't know and will never meet. That's clearly the only reason I posted. It couldn't possibly be to counter all the people who say OP's wife must be having an affair because they FaceTime 45 times a day when they're on travel.

lady, you do realize that you are arguing with the internet, right?

[Anonymous]

Escort.

[Anonymous]

OP, what's happening?

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP we need an update.

[Anonymous]

Wait...do we *really* need an update at this point? I was all in (for like the first 16 pages...) but now? meh--