I finally set a boundary with in laws and they made me feel bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entire reason not to insist on arriving at someone’s home five hours before being invited is always mental health of your host. They don’t want you to come at that time they want you to come later. If you come long before you are invited they will be less happy than if you come later. No one who is an adult should be insulted by this obvious fact

Not everyone understands these basic manners, it seems.

Whoever taught you manners failed. It's a pity that you think it's good manners to tell people that they are affecting your sanity by coming early (like they usually do).

Why do you keep insisting that they usually come early on Christmas Eve when op clearly said this is the first Christmas Eve they have stayed?
Op said they always arrive early which is something that clearly needs to be addressed and for some reason the basic reason why people don’t arrive hours early had to be explained which was awkward
This is something that should not need to be verbalized

They always arrive early because they think they are welcomed whenever they arrive. That is the nature of their relationship with OP's family.
Maybe it was rude at the begining but once it's gone on for long enough, there seems to be an understanding that it is acceptable behavior. It's okay for OP to decide that she has had enough of it(it's great actually). But there are better ways to communicate this. OP did her best, and it's okay. Now she has it off her chest, and hopefully her PIL and her DH can get it straight.

But to pretend like that is the polite way to communicate this is ridiculous. OP will be fine. MIL will be fine. But if OP gets hurt by insensitive comments, she shouldn't be making insensitive comments herself.

Repeat after me - being open and honest about what you need to protect your mental health should not offend other adults p

And OP needed to make her MIL and FIL feel like shit so she's not the only one. And OP's MIL needed to make OP feel like shit in return so that MIL is not the only one. And round and round we go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This entire thread is such a classic White people thread that I just have to laugh. How you dislike your families!! ILs are not guests, they are family. I can imagine how this would have gone at our house.

Me: I am expecting you at 5 pm, as I am super busy prepping for the party before that.
MIL: We are planning to come at 3 pm, because we don't want to drive in the dark.
Me: OK. Just know the house is going to be a disaster if you come early.
MIL: Not a problem. Can I help or pick up something on the way for the party?
Me: Not needed. Should I make a late lunch for you both?
MIL: No, we will eat on the way because we have to take our meds. I will make tea once I get there.
Me: OK. You can rest once you get here, your room is ready. DH will make tea for everyone. Drive carefully and see you soon.

Maybe for 2022 y'all can talk like normal people without drama.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

Whereas you are clearly just the second thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

Fantastic summation of the situation above!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

Guys this np is a literal crazy person can we move on from engaging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

Oh man, triggered. She set a trap for you, and you hopped right in it. :popcorn:

[Anonymous]

Op here - to be clear I never said ‘you will ruin my mental health by coming early’
I said ‘because I’ve had to work right up until the holiday this will be my first day off and I just really would love a second to breathe and regroup for sanity sake before I jump into holiday mode’. I tried my absolute best to be honest while not making it personal. Mil was the one who said ‘well we would not want to impact your mental health’
It was pretty close to the bone bc my mental health is in tatter this year but that’s for a lot of reasons, but I don’t think she’s unaware

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

Oh man, triggered. She set a trap for you, and you hopped right in it. :popcorn:

So you are all for setting boundaries with traps and insults. Then you cry foul when others insult you Enjoy your popcorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

Oh man, triggered. She set a trap for you, and you hopped right in it. :popcorn:

So you are all for setting boundaries with traps and insults. Then you cry foul when others insult you Enjoy your popcorn.

Not the poster you were arguing with. You seem to have a hard time accepting that most of us think you are a troll. But an amusing troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

Oh man, triggered. She set a trap for you, and you hopped right in it. :popcorn:

So you are all for setting boundaries with traps and insults. Then you cry foul when others insult you Enjoy your popcorn.

Not the poster you were arguing with. You seem to have a hard time accepting that most of us think you are a troll. But an amusing troll!

I am glad you are amused. I'd rather you laugh than whine about being insulted. Even assholes need laughs during the holidays. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it.

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time.

NP again. I see you resorted to “sweetheart,” so it’s pretty clear you have nothing constructive or interesting to say. And I’m not sure where you go that I’m a martyr when I said I have no problems with my ILs, who are kind and helpful! So wait, and also I’m a doormat? You’re all over the place. I hope you get a chance to rest over the holiday and regroup. It seems you are quite out of sorts from grasping at so many straws. Take care, now.

Yes, you are a doormat and an asshole. You just got lucky with your in laws. You will be doing the same thing your sister is doing in her position and then complaining about it.

Imagine using that tone in your post and then commenting on my tone, you asshole. You and OP will make great friends!

Oh man, triggered. She set a trap for you, and you hopped right in it. :popcorn:

So you are all for setting boundaries with traps and insults. Then you cry foul when others insult you Enjoy your popcorn.

Not the poster you were arguing with. You seem to have a hard time accepting that most of us think you are a troll. But an amusing troll!

I am glad you are amused. I'd rather you laugh than whine about being insulted. Even assholes need laughs during the holidays. Enjoy!

Oh, don’t strain that hard…that vein is beginning to twitch over your eye. Do you think everyone is OP or something? It’s very odd that you don’t get that many people are responding to you.

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Anonymous wrote:The entire reason not to insist on arriving at someone’s home five hours before being invited is always mental health of your host. They don’t want you to come at that time they want you to come later. If you come long before you are invited they will be less happy than if you come later. No one who is an adult should be insulted by this obvious fact

Not everyone understands these basic manners, it seems.

Whoever taught you manners failed. It's a pity that you think it's good manners to tell people that they are affecting your sanity by coming early (like they usually do).

This thread is so interesting in its inconsistencies. On the one hand, people are arguing that the in-laws should be treated as such close family that they should be allowed to come and go as the please regardless of OP's needs or preferences. But on the other hand, they should be treated as polite acquaintances to whom should need confide that things have been stressful and you're feeling overwhelmed.

So you confide in your close ones by telling them that seeing them early affects your sanity. Interesting...

It makes sense that you see inconsistencies. I don't talk to my loved ones like that.

That's quite a narcissistic way of hearing it. Someone able to look outsides themselves might interpret it as OP saying she needs some uninterrupted time to get things done so she can relax and enjoy their visit instead of ignoring everyone (and feeling bad about it) while she scrambles to finish everything.