Reply to I finally set a boundary with in laws and they made me feel bad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, NP.

And you cannot just act like telling your PIL that their time of arrival at your house on Christmas eve affects your sanity is normal.[/quote]

NP again. Yes, you can. “I’ve been finishing up a ton of projects at work, and Jim and I haven’t had a chance to get the house in order. I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I don’t feel good about the state of the house, and won’t be ready for guests until 5 p.m. Oh, of course, I didn’t think about the daylight factor while driving—how about arriving at 4 p.m., it’s definitely still light by then. Thank you for understanding that I need some extra time to get ready. By the time we sit down to dinner on Christmas Eve, I’ll be ready to go into holiday mode, especially since you are bringing yummy pies!”

I’ve had conversations just like this with my mom and MIL, who both were thankfully working moms themselves who get it. [/quote]

Well, maybe you should give OP some lessons in communication.

I am a working mother too, and I would never tell my MIL that her coming earlier will help me with my sanity. I have been known to cook one dish for Christmas and then buy other stuff. Everyone is still happy with what I cook. My aunts are known to cook a million dishes, and everyone is still happy. Nobody has ever missed Christmas at my house because I don't cook as much or as well as my aunts.[/quote]

NP again. Isn’t that nice that your family is that flexible and helpful? Wouldn’t it be super great if everyone was? Do you see how some families might have different people in them, with different expectations and levels of helpfulness and ways of behaving? Or is the whole world just measured by your personal yardstick? For example, while my ILs are generally nice and helpful, my sister’s MIL is a bit obnoxious in that she insists on traditional Swedish dishes at the holidays, but can no longer cook, and expects my sister and BIL to provide all these extra dishes that literally no one else in the family enjoys, and pouts if they aren’t on the table. Do you see how People Are Different From You?[/quote]

Oh sweetheart, nobody is putting you in jail or fining you for not providing all the "extras".

Stop creating matyr situations for yourselves and then blaming others.

Yes, some people like you, your sister, your BIL and OP are doormats. But you can be a doormat and an asshole at the same time. [/quote]

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