If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

It's possible he may be depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

It's possible he may be depressed.

He's on anti-depressants (for anxiety) already... Ugh. Maybe they're part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

DTMFA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although she makes it very clear that she loves me very much, I'm pretty sure my DW is not sexually attracted to me. I believe she finds me attractive on an aesthetic level (I'm a good looking guy, look young for my age, in great shape, etc.) but after 10 yrs of marriage, I can't remember if she has ever given me that "I want you!" vibe. She's certainly never said it and she doesn't show it.

We do have sex, and it's pretty good, occasionally great, but honestly, when we're doing it, I feel as if I could be anyone. She'll be more enthusiastic when she's ovulating but the rest of the time it's pretty clear she could take it or leave it. If I stopped asking for it, she wouldn't miss it. In the past when I've given up on sex and stopped asking for it she would very occasionally suggest it when I think she began to worry that she might lose me.

I'm interested to hear from spouses who don't find their DW or DH sexually attractive. Not because you're angry and bitter or in an abusive relationship, but because somehow they just don't do it for you.

And please explain why. Have you always felt this way or is it something that developed over time? Is it boredom? Is it because they let themselves go? Is it stress from work, parenthood, etc.? Are you still pining for an ex? Something else?

Sorry - missed most of this and am just chiming in late & not sure this topic has been covered.

I have friends that I am close with who talk about things. Your wife might just be gay. I have had friends tell me that they were married to men
and had sex and okay, we had sex. Then, she had sex with a woman and - fireworks. I don't get that because I'm not gay, but if she's gay, well,
that might be her response.

I don't know how you address that in a marriage. Go off on a very long assignment in another country and hope she hooks up with a woman from work
like my friend did? Then you just be friends? I don't know.

It might not be you at all though - which isn't very fair to you at all.

OP here. I'm at a loss as to what to make of this post.

She might prefer to have sex with WOMEN. That is what gay is. She might like being friends with you, but sex with men and therefore
you is BORING as she might very well prefer having sex with WOMEN. Does that make better sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although she makes it very clear that she loves me very much, I'm pretty sure my DW is not sexually attracted to me. I believe she finds me attractive on an aesthetic level (I'm a good looking guy, look young for my age, in great shape, etc.) but after 10 yrs of marriage, I can't remember if she has ever given me that "I want you!" vibe. She's certainly never said it and she doesn't show it.

We do have sex, and it's pretty good, occasionally great, but honestly, when we're doing it, I feel as if I could be anyone. She'll be more enthusiastic when she's ovulating but the rest of the time it's pretty clear she could take it or leave it. If I stopped asking for it, she wouldn't miss it. In the past when I've given up on sex and stopped asking for it she would very occasionally suggest it when I think she began to worry that she might lose me.

I'm interested to hear from spouses who don't find their DW or DH sexually attractive. Not because you're angry and bitter or in an abusive relationship, but because somehow they just don't do it for you.

And please explain why. Have you always felt this way or is it something that developed over time? Is it boredom? Is it because they let themselves go? Is it stress from work, parenthood, etc.? Are you still pining for an ex? Something else?

Sorry - missed most of this and am just chiming in late & not sure this topic has been covered.

I have friends that I am close with who talk about things. Your wife might just be gay. I have had friends tell me that they were married to men
and had sex and okay, we had sex. Then, she had sex with a woman and - fireworks. I don't get that because I'm not gay, but if she's gay, well,
that might be her response.

I don't know how you address that in a marriage. Go off on a very long assignment in another country and hope she hooks up with a woman from work
like my friend did? Then you just be friends? I don't know.

It might not be you at all though - which isn't very fair to you at all.

OP here. I'm at a loss as to what to make of this post.

She might prefer to have sex with WOMEN. That is what gay is. She might like being friends with you, but sex with men and therefore
you is BORING as she might very well prefer having sex with WOMEN. Does that make better sense?

Yeah, thanks for clearing that up. I got that part. It's the rest of it I can't make any sense of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although she makes it very clear that she loves me very much, I'm pretty sure my DW is not sexually attracted to me. I believe she finds me attractive on an aesthetic level (I'm a good looking guy, look young for my age, in great shape, etc.) but after 10 yrs of marriage, I can't remember if she has ever given me that "I want you!" vibe. She's certainly never said it and she doesn't show it.

We do have sex, and it's pretty good, occasionally great, but honestly, when we're doing it, I feel as if I could be anyone. She'll be more enthusiastic when she's ovulating but the rest of the time it's pretty clear she could take it or leave it. If I stopped asking for it, she wouldn't miss it. In the past when I've given up on sex and stopped asking for it she would very occasionally suggest it when I think she began to worry that she might lose me.

I'm interested to hear from spouses who don't find their DW or DH sexually attractive. Not because you're angry and bitter or in an abusive relationship, but because somehow they just don't do it for you.

And please explain why. Have you always felt this way or is it something that developed over time? Is it boredom? Is it because they let themselves go? Is it stress from work, parenthood, etc.? Are you still pining for an ex? Something else?

Sorry - missed most of this and am just chiming in late & not sure this topic has been covered.

I have friends that I am close with who talk about things. Your wife might just be gay. I have had friends tell me that they were married to men
and had sex and okay, we had sex. Then, she had sex with a woman and - fireworks. I don't get that because I'm not gay, but if she's gay, well,
that might be her response.

I don't know how you address that in a marriage. Go off on a very long assignment in another country and hope she hooks up with a woman from work
like my friend did? Then you just be friends? I don't know.

It might not be you at all though - which isn't very fair to you at all.

OP here. I'm at a loss as to what to make of this post.

She might prefer to have sex with WOMEN. That is what gay is. She might like being friends with you, but sex with men and therefore
you is BORING as she might very well prefer having sex with WOMEN. Does that make better sense?

Yeah, thanks for clearing that up. I got that part. It's the rest of it I can't make any sense of.

Sorry, it does seem a little rambling . Way rambling.

Do you want to give her some space to see if that's the issue or do you just want to keep things as is?


I don't know how you would do this , my friend started her relationship with a woman when her husband was away for six months.
That was lots of space. She was married to a very successful, handsome nice man and it was a shock to her that she was gay apparently.
It was a lot to give up but she did.

Does she have strong friendships with women? Growing up did she have very close female friends? Exclusively?
Did she date men much?

My gay female friends seem to extra specially enjoy the company of women and always have if that makes sense. Guys have never really been in the equation to any large degree.

I was tempted to ask my own husband one time because he was having a very intense relationship with a male friend, but he's so sensitive he would have pretty much died just at the question. I decided , you know , whatever it is is fine with me. If he wants to say something he can. It's all fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although she makes it very clear that she loves me very much, I'm pretty sure my DW is not sexually attracted to me. I believe she finds me attractive on an aesthetic level (I'm a good looking guy, look young for my age, in great shape, etc.) but after 10 yrs of marriage, I can't remember if she has ever given me that "I want you!" vibe. She's certainly never said it and she doesn't show it.

We do have sex, and it's pretty good, occasionally great, but honestly, when we're doing it, I feel as if I could be anyone. She'll be more enthusiastic when she's ovulating but the rest of the time it's pretty clear she could take it or leave it. If I stopped asking for it, she wouldn't miss it. In the past when I've given up on sex and stopped asking for it she would very occasionally suggest it when I think she began to worry that she might lose me.

I'm interested to hear from spouses who don't find their DW or DH sexually attractive. Not because you're angry and bitter or in an abusive relationship, but because somehow they just don't do it for you.

And please explain why. Have you always felt this way or is it something that developed over time? Is it boredom? Is it because they let themselves go? Is it stress from work, parenthood, etc.? Are you still pining for an ex? Something else?

Sorry - missed most of this and am just chiming in late & not sure this topic has been covered.

I have friends that I am close with who talk about things. Your wife might just be gay. I have had friends tell me that they were married to men
and had sex and okay, we had sex. Then, she had sex with a woman and - fireworks. I don't get that because I'm not gay, but if she's gay, well,
that might be her response.

I don't know how you address that in a marriage. Go off on a very long assignment in another country and hope she hooks up with a woman from work
like my friend did? Then you just be friends? I don't know.

It might not be you at all though - which isn't very fair to you at all.

OP here. I'm at a loss as to what to make of this post.

She might prefer to have sex with WOMEN. That is what gay is. She might like being friends with you, but sex with men and therefore
you is BORING as she might very well prefer having sex with WOMEN. Does that make better sense?

Yeah, thanks for clearing that up. I got that part. It's the rest of it I can't make any sense of.

Sorry, it does seem a little rambling . Way rambling.

Do you want to give her some space to see if that's the issue or do you just want to keep things as is?


I don't know how you would do this , my friend started her relationship with a woman when her husband was away for six months.
That was lots of space. She was married to a very successful, handsome nice man and it was a shock to her that she was gay apparently.
It was a lot to give up but she did.

Does she have strong friendships with women? Growing up did she have very close female friends? Exclusively?
Did she date men much?

My gay female friends seem to extra specially enjoy the company of women and always have if that makes sense. Guys have never really been in the equation to any large degree.

I was tempted to ask my own husband one time because he was having a very intense relationship with a male friend, but he's so sensitive he would have pretty much died just at the question. I decided , you know , whatever it is is fine with me. If he wants to say something he can. It's all fine.

To clarify further my friend was bored with her great husband. When she had a relationship with a woman for the first time that's when the fireworks happened.

For men I think some could go either way (though I know many who never would). I think my husband just had a crush & I would not ask him about it because he's sensitive. Doesn't bother me either or effect our lives in a bad way.
You seem unsettled though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

You're in good shape now but life has a way of kicking you in the ass -wait for it, the tables could be turned someday soon

Who cares if he sleeps in the guest room? It's not like you have sex all night long.

Loving someone has to be about more than superficial appearances.
Sure it's great if people are healthy and you should talk with him about that
But you only seem to care about appearance - isn't there anything else to your relationship with the
guy you had three kids with?

DTMFA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

You're in good shape now but life has a way of kicking you in the ass -wait for it, the tables could be turned someday soon

Who cares if he sleeps in the guest room? It's not like you have sex all night long.

Loving someone has to be about more than superficial appearances.
Sure it's great if people are healthy and you should talk with him about that
But you only seem to care about appearance - isn't there anything else to your relationship with the
guy you had three kids with?

DTMFA!

It's not even the appearance - it's the fact that he's NOT healthy (overweight, untreated apnea, anxiety, laughs off chest pains by saying how I just need to face he's going to die well before me)... The disregard for rest of the family is what gets me. I would do anything in my power to ensure my kids have a mother as long as I can. I don't get his thought process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

You're in good shape now but life has a way of kicking you in the ass -wait for it, the tables could be turned someday soon

Who cares if he sleeps in the guest room? It's not like you have sex all night long.

Loving someone has to be about more than superficial appearances.
Sure it's great if people are healthy and you should talk with him about that
But you only seem to care about appearance - isn't there anything else to your relationship with the
guy you had three kids with?

DTMFA!

It's not even the appearance - it's the fact that he's NOT healthy (overweight, untreated apnea, anxiety, laughs off chest pains by saying how I just need to face he's going to die well before me)... The disregard for rest of the family is what gets me. I would do anything in my power to ensure my kids have a mother as long as I can. I don't get his thought process.

Well, if he's laughing off chest pains you could be new husband shopping soon. Does he have life insurance? Through work because it would be too $$ through private? Is he over 45? My friends healthy 50 year old husband just died of a heart attsck. No insurance. Get 500k - you have 3 kids.

He sounds happy go lucky & clueless. It doesn't sound like he knows what you think - just spell it out for him. Tell him the whole thing. You need to get healthy. I need a husband that gets his shit together and can sleep in the same bed with me . Just tell him

But try to be having some fun with him. Date nights? Talk to him at night? Weekend away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to? We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care.

It's possible he may be depressed.

He's on anti-depressants (for anxiety) already... Ugh. Maybe they're part of the problem.

Oh, totally. Heavy meds of those types will do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. A pattern is emerging from this thread so far.

The self-appointed relationship experts seem to be saying some variation of "all marriages end up that way; men and women are just different" so suck it up and be happy you have a (possibly) wonderful life partner and co-parent.

Those spouses (all DWs so far) who actually share their feelings about their specific situation will usually say something about how they are bored with the sameness of it all, but if you read carefully it seems to be more about how they are unhappy with who their spouses are. Of course that includes a significant subset of the "bad boys make me hot, but I didn't want to marry one, and now I'm bored with the good husband/father material I did marry" types.

Pretty goddamn depressing so far.

You missed the .. Maybe your wife just hates your fucking guts and is waiting for a good time to get out, you sound like douche.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. A pattern is emerging from this thread so far.

The self-appointed relationship experts seem to be saying some variation of "all marriages end up that way; men and women are just different" so suck it up and be happy you have a (possibly) wonderful life partner and co-parent.

Those spouses (all DWs so far) who actually share their feelings about their specific situation will usually say something about how they are bored with the sameness of it all, but if you read carefully it seems to be more about how they are unhappy with who their spouses are. Of course that includes a significant subset of the "bad boys make me hot, but I didn't want to marry one, and now I'm bored with the good husband/father material I did marry" types.

Pretty goddamn depressing so far.

You missed the .. Maybe your wife just hates your fucking guts and is waiting for a good time to get out, you sound like douche.

+1

Better late than never to chime in I suppose. Which one are you?

[Anonymous]

You people are crazy. Ladies -- try skipping desert (lose some weight) and stop talk talk talk and complaining about everything. Gents -- clean yourself up and try taking her out somewhere nice for dinner. This can work if you all just chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change? Or is all this a convenient excuse?

Yes my feelings would change in a heartbeat. We didn't start out this way. He used to take care of himself and I do think it's more about the fact that he just doesn't care about himself anymore than the actual physical appearance side effects from that. I am not going to lie: I am not sex crazy. We have never been the couple that does it every day. But I definitely miss finding him sexy and I have tried to look past all of the issues but after almost 5 years just can't do that anymore. He doesn't even need to hit the gym or become a household wizz to be honest, it's mostly the grooming issues that ruin all attractiveness for me.