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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Although she makes it very clear that she loves me very much, I'm pretty sure my DW is not sexually attracted to me.  I believe she finds me attractive on an aesthetic level (I'm a good looking guy, look young for my age, in great shape, etc.) but after 10 yrs of marriage, I can't remember if she has ever given me that "I want you!" vibe.  She's certainly never said it and she doesn't show it.

We do have sex, and it's pretty good, occasionally great, but honestly, when we're doing it, I feel as if I could be anyone.  She'll be more enthusiastic when she's ovulating but the rest of the time it's pretty clear she could take it or leave it.  If I stopped asking for it, she wouldn't miss it.  In the past when I've given up on sex and stopped asking for it she would very occasionally suggest it when I think she began to worry that she might lose me.

I'm interested to hear from spouses who don't find their DW or DH sexually attractive.  Not because you're angry and bitter or in an abusive relationship, but because somehow they just don't do it for you.

And please explain why.  Have you always felt this way or is it something that developed over time? Is it boredom? Is it because they let themselves go? Is it stress from work, parenthood, etc.? Are you still pining for an ex? Something else?

[/quote]

Sorry - missed most of this and am just chiming in late & not sure this topic has been covered.

I have friends that I am close with who talk about things. Your wife might just be gay. I have had friends tell me that they were married to men
and had sex and okay, we had sex. Then, she had sex with a woman and - fireworks. I don't get that because I'm not gay, but if she's gay, well,
that might be her response.

I don't know how you address that in a marriage. Go off on a very long assignment in another country and hope she hooks up with a woman from work
like my friend did? Then you just be friends? I don't know.

It might not be you at all though - which isn't very fair to you at all.[/quote]

OP here.  I'm at a loss as to what to make of this post.[/quote]

She might prefer to have sex with WOMEN. That is what gay is. She might like being friends with you, but sex with men and therefore
you is BORING as she might very well prefer having sex with WOMEN. Does that make better sense?
[/quote]

Yeah, thanks for clearing that up.  I got that part.  It's the rest of it I can't make any sense of.  [/quote]

Sorry, it does seem a little rambling . Way rambling.

Do you want to give her some space to see if that's the issue or do you just want to keep things as is?

I don't know how you would do this , my friend started her relationship with a woman when her husband was away for six months.
That was lots of space. She was married to a very successful, handsome nice man and it was a shock to her that she was gay apparently. 
It was a lot to give up but she did.

Does she have strong friendships with women? Growing up did she have very close female friends? Exclusively?
Did she date men much?

My gay female friends seem to extra specially enjoy the company of women and always have if that makes sense. Guys have never really been in the equation to any large degree.

I was tempted to ask my own husband one time because he was having a very intense relationship with a male friend, but he's so sensitive he would have pretty much died just at the question. I decided , you know , whatever it is is fine with me. If he wants to say something he can. It's all fine.[/quote]

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