If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He wants sex the same way each time, and he wants it less frequently than I do. It's too much work to make me orgasm. He's gained 40 pounds since we got married. I do 90% of everything and he "helps" me with the kids, house, finances, etc. instead of being an equal partner. He's a beta, not an alpha.

Can you elaborate on that last point? The rest of it seems to be easily fixed, but the last item indicates that there is more to it.

He's not a leader. He's happy for anyone else to do the planning and the work. He doesn't initiate any kind of physical contact, sexual or otherwise. It's hard to be consistently attracted to a man who doesn't take the initiative and is not high energy and is complacent at work. His love language is spending time together, but that's not mine. I like a guy who is assertive and has a plan for life.

So...you want a rich guy?

She wants Donald Trump.

[Anonymous]

I can believe I just read this entire thread but as a NP chalk up another person who thinks OP sounds like a douche. And one who doesn't want real advice as he seems to only be responding to people who are supporting his world view and not the numerous posters (men and women!) giving constructive advice. I hope Mrs OP figures out who she married in MC and leaves. Same for Mrs Jerks Off In Bed Next To Her.

This thread makes me so sad to be a woman. Do most men really think so poorly of us? And have such little empathy to try to understand the other side instead of just whining about not getting any?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can believe I just read this entire thread but as a NP chalk up another person who thinks OP sounds like a douche. And one who doesn't want real advice as he seems to only be responding to people who are supporting his world view and not the numerous posters (men and women!) giving constructive advice. I hope Mrs OP figures out who she married in MC and leaves. Same for Mrs Jerks Off In Bed Next To Her.

This thread makes me so sad to be a woman. Do most men really think so poorly of us? And have such little empathy to try to understand the other side instead of just whining about not getting any?

Yes. Look around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can believe I just read this entire thread but as a NP chalk up another person who thinks OP sounds like a douche. And one who doesn't want real advice as he seems to only be responding to people who are supporting his world view and not the numerous posters (men and women!) giving constructive advice. I hope Mrs OP figures out who she married in MC and leaves. Same for Mrs Jerks Off In Bed Next To Her.

This thread makes me so sad to be a woman. Do most men really think so poorly of us? And have such little empathy to try to understand the other side instead of just whining about not getting any?

OP here. Again, I didn't ask for nor want advice and I was pretty clear about that. I asked for help understanding the other side of the coin. As for your wish that my DW leaves me, that doesn't really speak well of you as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can believe I just read this entire thread but as a NP chalk up another person who thinks OP sounds like a douche. And one who doesn't want real advice as he seems to only be responding to people who are supporting his world view and not the numerous posters (men and women!) giving constructive advice. I hope Mrs OP figures out who she married in MC and leaves. Same for Mrs Jerks Off In Bed Next To Her.

This thread makes me so sad to be a woman. Do most men really think so poorly of us? And have such little empathy to try to understand the other side instead of just whining about not getting any?

OP here. Again, I didn't ask for nor want advice and I was pretty clear about that. I asked for help understanding the other side of the coin. As for your wish that my DW leaves me, that doesn't really speak well of you as a person.

You posted something on dcum and then whined when what you got back wasn't exactly what you asked for.

You have a wife who enjoys having sex with you and who had sex with you but who you think doesn't want it enough. You are not even in the same boat as most of the LD/HD spouse issues here because she doesn't reject you!

Not to be too cliche but there are starving kids in Africa. There are men who's wives died who they will never have the opportunity to talk into sex again. There are people who never find someone who loves them or is passionate about them. I think you are like a small child who's gotten the ninjas turtles birthday party he wanted and all the gifts he wanted but is crying about there being vanilla cake instead of chocolate. Not sure why hoping your wife realizes how little she is appreciated and her to try to rectify that makes me a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can believe I just read this entire thread but as a NP chalk up another person who thinks OP sounds like a douche. And one who doesn't want real advice as he seems to only be responding to people who are supporting his world view and not the numerous posters (men and women!) giving constructive advice. I hope Mrs OP figures out who she married in MC and leaves. Same for Mrs Jerks Off In Bed Next To Her.

This thread makes me so sad to be a woman. Do most men really think so poorly of us? And have such little empathy to try to understand the other side instead of just whining about not getting any?

OP here. Again, I didn't ask for nor want advice and I was pretty clear about that. I asked for help understanding the other side of the coin. As for your wish that my DW leaves me, that doesn't really speak well of you as a person.

You posted something on dcum and then whined when what you got back wasn't exactly what you asked for.

You have a wife who enjoys having sex with you and who had sex with you but who you think doesn't want it enough. You are not even in the same boat as most of the LD/HD spouse issues here because she doesn't reject you!

Not to be too cliche but there are starving kids in Africa. There are men who's wives died who they will never have the opportunity to talk into sex again. There are people who never find someone who loves them or is passionate about them. I think you are like a small child who's gotten the ninjas turtles birthday party he wanted and all the gifts he wanted but is crying about there being vanilla cake instead of chocolate. Not sure why hoping your wife realizes how little she is appreciated and her to try to rectify that makes me a bad person.

A bit dramatic, but okay. Seems to be a bit of projection going on.

[Anonymous]

I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

Would have to know more about your particular situation. But it's obvious there is something there. A disinterested observer wouldn't have such a fervent reaction to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

It's a metaphor not a comparison. The entire party is sex, the cake is one component. I'm saying it sounds like you have a good sex life bit are hung up on one aspect that is not exactly as you want it and telling you you should be looking at the positive.

Still not sure what you think I was projecting though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

It's a metaphor not a comparison. The entire party is sex, the cake is one component. I'm saying it sounds like you have a good sex life bit are hung up on one aspect that is not exactly as you want it and telling you you should be looking at the positive.

Still not sure what you think I was projecting though.

You're addressing at least two different posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

It's a metaphor not a comparison. The entire party is sex, the cake is one component. I'm saying it sounds like you have a good sex life bit are hung up on one aspect that is not exactly as you want it and telling you you should be looking at the positive.

Still not sure what you think I was projecting though.

I assume you are projecting that you don't see satisfying sex as crucial to one's happiness. That's fine. A lot of people see sex like dessert, great when you get it and it's good but not essential. You dismiss OPs desire to find sex with his wife and his ability to please his wife in the process as whining because, hey, he's having sex so shut up about the quality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

It's a metaphor not a comparison. The entire party is sex, the cake is one component. I'm saying it sounds like you have a good sex life bit are hung up on one aspect that is not exactly as you want it and telling you you should be looking at the positive.

Still not sure what you think I was projecting though.

Oh, is that what you were doing? I guess between the part about wishing the wife would leave and the insulting tone it was hard to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

It's a metaphor not a comparison. The entire party is sex, the cake is one component. I'm saying it sounds like you have a good sex life bit are hung up on one aspect that is not exactly as you want it and telling you you should be looking at the positive.

Still not sure what you think I was projecting though.

Sounds like you also are having sex with your husband for his sake and thinking of England and not sure why he feels that is inadequate. And that men who want to feel desired are whiny. If you were someone who wanted to feel desired you wouldn't speak this way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious about the psychology of the men in this thread. What do you think I'm projecting based on my posts?

You are comparing something as crucial as sexual intimacy in marriage - the glue that holds a marriage together - as trivial as whether a child gets vanilla or chocolate cake.

Of course starving children are more important globally than anything in a particular marriage. But you don't seem to grasp the gravity that the failure of a satisfying sexual relationship has on marriage

It's a metaphor not a comparison. The entire party is sex, the cake is one component. I'm saying it sounds like you have a good sex life bit are hung up on one aspect that is not exactly as you want it and telling you you should be looking at the positive.

Still not sure what you think I was projecting though.

I assume you are projecting that you don't see satisfying sex as crucial to one's happiness. That's fine. A lot of people see sex like dessert, great when you get it and it's good but not essential. You dismiss OPs desire to find sex with his wife and his ability to please his wife in the process as whining because, hey, he's having sex so shut up about the quality

You assume wrong. I am more OP than his DW in my marriage (the initiator). I am saying that by his own description he has a lot of positive (even in the sex arena), so why dwell on the negative? No one gets everything they want, if you get most of it then you're lucky.

The only thing you should read into my post is that I have experienced something truly terrible and it gives me the perspective to be very very grateful for all the things that are good about my DH instead of harping on the fact that he doesn't initiate sex enough.