Reply to If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.[/quote]

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change?  Or is all this a convenient excuse?  [/quote]

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to?  We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care. :([/quote]

It's possible he may be depressed.  [/quote]

He's on anti-depressants (for anxiety) already... Ugh. Maybe they're part of the problem. [/quote]

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