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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He "helps" with stuff and we are not equal partners. He's gained weight, let himself go. He constantly wears sweat pants or walks around in his underwear. He doesn't shave or even cut his finger and toenails regularly. He just doesn't take care of himself at all anymore and that is suuuuper unattractive. It wasn't always like this, I have let him know that it's unsexy for me but clearly he doesn't care about it enough to change.[/quote]

If he hit the gym, fixed his grooming issues, dressed to impress you and pitched in enough to be a real help to you would your feelings change?  Or is all this a convenient excuse?  [/quote]

Not PP but my DH wonders why we don't have sex very often and is completely clueless despite me trying to spell it out for him. He has let himself go and doesn't seem to care at all. No physical activity, up 50 lbs in the past few years, has sleep apnea but hates the CPAP so he chooses to sleep in the guest room - says he's doing it for me because he keeps me up all night. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to a) fix the medical condition for my own health and well-being and to get good rest and b) be able to sleep in bed with my spouse. He basically says whatever. So he has no inclination to get in shape, eat better, drink less, get healthy... and I'm supposed to want to lust after him the way I used to?  We have three kids and I'm in good shape - same weight (and more fit, even) than pre-children. I don't get it. Short of laying it all out, which I don't want to do (feel awful saying hey, I'm not attracted to you!!!!), I may gentle suggestions but he does. not. care. :([/quote]

You're in good shape now but life has a way of kicking you in the ass -wait for it, the tables could be turned someday soon

Who cares if he sleeps in the guest room? It's not like you have sex all night long.

Loving someone has to be about more than superficial appearances. 
Sure it's great if people are healthy and you should talk with him about that 
But you only seem to care about appearance - isn't there anything else to your relationship with the 
guy you had three kids with?

DTMFA![/quote][/quote]

It's not even the appearance - it's the fact that he's NOT healthy (overweight, untreated apnea, anxiety, laughs off chest pains by saying how I just need to face he's going to die well before me)... The disregard for rest of the family is what gets me. I would do anything in my power to ensure my kids have a mother as long as I can.  I don't get his thought process. [/quote]

Well, if he's laughing off chest pains you could be new husband shopping soon. Does he have life insurance? Through work because it would be too $$ through private? Is he over 45? My friends healthy 50 year old husband just died of  a heart attsck. No insurance. Get 500k - you have 3 kids.

He sounds happy go lucky & clueless. It doesn't sound like he knows what you think - just spell it out for him. Tell him the whole thing. You need to get healthy. I need a husband that gets his shit together and can sleep in the same bed with me . Just tell him

But try to be having some fun with him. Date nights? Talk to him at night? Weekend away? [/quote]

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