Discrepancy between you want vs what you can get

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

OP- you waited too long. Those of us met those guys and married them by 30.

I have a Master’s Degree and work in similar field. I have the life/husband you are looking for. Almost all of my girlfriends do as well and the lady of us married at 33.

I loathe this smug attitude by women who married young. They think it is some grand personal achievement and that it is some symbol that they are special or superior to other women, that they are better at life. You didn’t cure cancer or negotiate world peace, you walked down an aisle. So get over yourselves.

Not PP and I don’t see a hint of smugness. You’re just mad because it’s a hard truth.

But I guess you have me with that last part. I do think I’m better at life. The proof is in the pudding.

Ugh. Really? Gross. No, not “a hint of smugness at all.”

Well I got married young (DH was also mid 20s, not some gross old man) had kids young while launching two successful careers and now we are happy and rich. I’m quite smug. But I’m also not the PP who told you nicely.

It is much easier to marry young and then launch your career, with all the support. The only advantage you had over other women is good looks which attracted the right guy. Many girls like you also marry young and they end up divorced with kids by their 40s.

You are not in any way better, or more positive example! I married myself at 25, divorced at 43. I was thin, tall and modeled part time. It was extremely easy for me to marry a rich guy (much easier than studies and career)

You are just feeding PP’s gigantic ego by assuming that she is good looking. I’ve seen many examples of young, handsome wealthy guys marrying plainer women than you might expect.

She's probably good looking but also stupid if this is feeding her ego. Beauty attracts all kids of wrong guys /cheaters etc

Ok I’ll tell you my secret. It’s not gorgeous looks. My husband is Asian. Not being a racist dater would have helped a lot of my peers. Alas.

Other girls may not be necessarily racist. My cousin sister is married to an Asian IT guy. He makes shit load of money, but there is a certain dynamics in Asian families. Their in-laws are usually pretty dominant over wife, wives have low weight in the families until grand children come.In-laws would visit every day and live nearby. My cousin's in-laws unilaterally moved into her house when her baby was born, under a pretext of "helping". Its the husband's mom who rules the young family.

Not every US woman would want this, even for big buck!

If white in laws were so much easier to get along with this board would have 20% fewer threads.

Believe me in Asian families in-laws just wipe off their feet on you, particular wealthy Asian families.

I don’t know why I would believe you since we have been married over a decade and that doesn’t reflect my experience in the least

Do you have kids? I would think you don't or did not have kids right away when in your 20s otherwise you would have experienced it. My cousin sister lives in San Francisco, very familiar with Asian wealthy community. All young families are like that and American white wives are miserable

3 kids oldest is 10. Sounds like you’re talking about one very specific community that is not the same community (and not the same country of origin) as my in laws. There’s more to Asia than Taiwan.

My thinking is that you married an Asian guy who moved away to a different state and was not from a really wealthy Asian family.Then you both grew professionally and became wealthy from your own careers.

The wealthy ones are the types that ask to close Vuitton or Dior store for them to shop when they visit a city, own yachts, properties with helicopter pad on the roof etc. These families would eat you alive.

Keep missing. My in-laws are well-off and live 20 minutes away. But yes we earn our own money to finance our lives.

As someone who knows a lot of different people with chinese in-laws of different socioeconomic statuses, I actually don't think treatment or mistreatment is correlated with wealth at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

OP- you waited too long. Those of us met those guys and married them by 30.

I have a Master’s Degree and work in similar field. I have the life/husband you are looking for. Almost all of my girlfriends do as well and the lady of us married at 33.

I loathe this smug attitude by women who married young. They think it is some grand personal achievement and that it is some symbol that they are special or superior to other women, that they are better at life. You didn’t cure cancer or negotiate world peace, you walked down an aisle. So get over yourselves.

Not PP and I don’t see a hint of smugness. You’re just mad because it’s a hard truth.

But I guess you have me with that last part. I do think I’m better at life. The proof is in the pudding.

Ugh. Really? Gross. No, not “a hint of smugness at all.”

Well I got married young (DH was also mid 20s, not some gross old man) had kids young while launching two successful careers and now we are happy and rich. I’m quite smug. But I’m also not the PP who told you nicely.

It is much easier to marry young and then launch your career, with all the support. The only advantage you had over other women is good looks which attracted the right guy. Many girls like you also marry young and they end up divorced with kids by their 40s.

You are not in any way better, or more positive example! I married myself at 25, divorced at 43. I was thin, tall and modeled part time. It was extremely easy for me to marry a rich guy (much easier than studies and career)

You are just feeding PP’s gigantic ego by assuming that she is good looking. I’ve seen many examples of young, handsome wealthy guys marrying plainer women than you might expect.

She's probably good looking but also stupid if this is feeding her ego. Beauty attracts all kids of wrong guys /cheaters etc

Ok I’ll tell you my secret. It’s not gorgeous looks. My husband is Asian. Not being a racist dater would have helped a lot of my peers. Alas.

Other girls may not be necessarily racist. My cousin sister is married to an Asian IT guy. He makes shit load of money, but there is a certain dynamics in Asian families. Their in-laws are usually pretty dominant over wife, wives have low weight in the families until grand children come.In-laws would visit every day and live nearby. My cousin's in-laws unilaterally moved into her house when her baby was born, under a pretext of "helping". Its the husband's mom who rules the young family.

Not every US woman would want this, even for big buck!

If white in laws were so much easier to get along with this board would have 20% fewer threads.

Believe me in Asian families in-laws just wipe off their feet on you, particular wealthy Asian families.

I don’t know why I would believe you since we have been married over a decade and that doesn’t reflect my experience in the least

Do you have kids? I would think you don't or did not have kids right away when in your 20s otherwise you would have experienced it. My cousin sister lives in San Francisco, very familiar with Asian wealthy community. All young families are like that and American white wives are miserable

3 kids oldest is 10. Sounds like you’re talking about one very specific community that is not the same community (and not the same country of origin) as my in laws. There’s more to Asia than Taiwan.

My thinking is that you married an Asian guy who moved away to a different state and was not from a really wealthy Asian family.Then you both grew professionally and became wealthy from your own careers.

The wealthy ones are the types that ask to close Vuitton or Dior store for them to shop when they visit a city, own yachts, properties with helicopter pad on the roof etc. These families would eat you alive.

Keep missing. My in-laws are well-off and live 20 minutes away. But yes we earn our own money to finance our lives.

As someone who knows a lot of different people with chinese in-laws of different socioeconomic statuses, I actually don't think treatment or mistreatment is correlated with wealth at all.

But I was right about in-laws being very present in the young family's life: 20 min away is unusual for most "white" families. For some reason all Asian families live nearby with each other, and it's not necessarily desirable "presence"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

OP- you waited too long. Those of us met those guys and married them by 30.

I have a Master’s Degree and work in similar field. I have the life/husband you are looking for. Almost all of my girlfriends do as well and the lady of us married at 33.

I loathe this smug attitude by women who married young. They think it is some grand personal achievement and that it is some symbol that they are special or superior to other women, that they are better at life. You didn’t cure cancer or negotiate world peace, you walked down an aisle. So get over yourselves.

Not PP and I don’t see a hint of smugness. You’re just mad because it’s a hard truth.

But I guess you have me with that last part. I do think I’m better at life. The proof is in the pudding.

If you find your life partner young, you have a higher chance of marrying these super-successful guys. It's not an achievement - it's a choice with tradeoffs. I married young for love. My husband ended up making $$$$ in finance, and we set up this exact fancy life OP wants. The tradeoffs? I never got to have wild and free single days, kiss anyone except my husband, form a circle of close girlfriends, etc. I did build a career I love, but I was limited by having to compromise with my DH's career (location, schedule, etc). It was the right choice for me, and I am happy with it, but I am also very aware that my story isn't some magic fairytale with no downsides.

By the way, we ditched the Chevy Chase life and both chose to go into lower-paying jobs we loved and live in a more diverse and healthy community. (And I mean actual diversity, not people of different colors/ethnicities all living the same exact life, helicopter parenting, and obsessing over shallow shit).

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m lucky because what I wanted is what I got. I was never a big party girl as I was always goal focused be it academics or my career. In my early 20’s I met a great guy who was very much like me but he loved to have a good time and that really made my life better. If I had stayed single until my mId 30’s I’m not sure I would have found his fun spirit so attractive because I might have been too set I’m my ways. 34 years later I’m still very happy with what I got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m lucky because what I wanted is what I got. I was never a big party girl as I was always goal focused be it academics or my career. In my early 20’s I met a great guy who was very much like me but he loved to have a good time and that really made my life better. If I had stayed single until my mId 30’s I’m not sure I would have found his fun spirit so attractive because I might have been too set I’m my ways. 34 years later I’m still very happy with what I got.

Similar, but met in mid/late 20s. It was good timing as I do think I would have gotten used to life in a condo with my dog.
On the other hand, I had already dated a narc/alpha/private school ivy guy who liked me for my appearance and decided that wasn’t what I wanted as I wanted to be able to make choices, not have status make them for me. I went with a guy just like OP doesn’t want. 15 years later, I’m happy with our OBX vacations and laid back neighborhood. I absolutely understand this life isn’t for everyone, but OP ask yourself if you actually want to be trapped by status or if you are truly happier with something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m lucky because what I wanted is what I got. I was never a big party girl as I was always goal focused be it academics or my career. In my early 20’s I met a great guy who was very much like me but he loved to have a good time and that really made my life better. If I had stayed single until my mId 30’s I’m not sure I would have found his fun spirit so attractive because I might have been too set I’m my ways. 34 years later I’m still very happy with what I got.

This sounds very much like me and I couldn’t be happier. I had a good career but my husbands was off the charts successful so life is now very good. But in the many years when we didn’t have a lot of money life was just as good but in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Hit the gym like you hit the books and build a booty...it's a matter of effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

OP- you waited too long. Those of us met those guys and married them by 30.

I have a Master’s Degree and work in similar field. I have the life/husband you are looking for. Almost all of my girlfriends do as well and the lady of us married at 33.

I loathe this smug attitude by women who married young. They think it is some grand personal achievement and that it is some symbol that they are special or superior to other women, that they are better at life. You didn’t cure cancer or negotiate world peace, you walked down an aisle. So get over yourselves.

Not PP and I don’t see a hint of smugness. You’re just mad because it’s a hard truth.

But I guess you have me with that last part. I do think I’m better at life. The proof is in the pudding.

If you find your life partner young, you have a higher chance of marrying these super-successful guys. It's not an achievement - it's a choice with tradeoffs. I married young for love. My husband ended up making $$$$ in finance, and we set up this exact fancy life OP wants. The tradeoffs? I never got to have wild and free single days, kiss anyone except my husband, form a circle of close girlfriends, etc. I did build a career I love, but I was limited by having to compromise with my DH's career (location, schedule, etc). It was the right choice for me, and I am happy with it, but I am also very aware that my story isn't some magic fairytale with no downsides.

By the way, we ditched the Chevy Chase life and both chose to go into lower-paying jobs we loved and live in a more diverse and healthy community. (And I mean actual diversity, not people of different colors/ethnicities all living the same exact life, helicopter parenting, and obsessing over shallow shit).

So you moved back to Akron?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Arranged marriage works best in your situation

Arranged marriages are a tough deal for fat people.
Unless you’re fat in the US and willing to marry someone overseas and bring them here. Then someone may be willing to marry a fat person in exchange for a life in the US.
Fat/dark skin/too short/any physical imperfection at all is an issue.

I don’t think a woman being too short is an issue. Unless we are talking something extreme like 4’6. Even very petite women 5’0 and slightly under can be considered highly attractive.

Yes. But, for procreating the mother's height has a big influence on height of children. Sons can be short.

This isn’t necessarily true. My brother is 6’1” and his wife is 5’2”. Their sons are 6’2” at age 18 and 6’5” at age 16.
Both my grandparents were 5’0” and each of their 4 sons were over 6’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men want women who are fun and in great shape. We don’t care about your degree.

Not true. The smart successful men want it all. I am attractive (though not blond, lol), thin, educated, had a lucrative career before SAHM and come from a family with good, healthy genes. Subconsciously, my husband probably wanted all of that in the mother of his kids, and frankly so did I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not blonde or skinny. I am smart, well educated, and have a good paying job in my own right. I also got married in my mid-30s to what I consider a decent guy with a GS-14/15 type job. That doesn’t get you a SFH + Private school + Europe. But it does get you SFH in North Arlington, public school, and 2-3 domestic vacations a year with a combination of skiing, exploring cities, beach resorts, and national parks. I suggest you look for the nerdy, kind guy making $125-200k you may have overlooked because he didn’t seem ambitious enough for you. If you are in your late 30s, you are not getting the big $$$ earners now, not as a first wife. I had a consulting partner-track job when I met my spouse, so I have some flexibility on salary because I knew I could support us at the lifestyle I wanted to have if I needed to.

If you are late 30s, I would re-evaluate “kids” to “1 kid” or “step kids”. Choose carefully because you want to be with someone you can enjoy life with if kids never happen for you.

This will be tough to hear, but men in their mid and late 40s looking for wife #2 are looking thinner and younger. Men in their 50s and 60s looking for wife #2 are done raising kids and unlikely to start over. Also how will they pay for your fantasy life while they are paying for college for their kids?

I had 3 natural, healthy pregnancies after 38, one an accident in my mid 40s, so on the fertility subject, you never know. I think most women are reasonably fertile up to their early to mid 40s, we just don’t know it because most are done having kids by then and are not actively trying to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want women who are fun and in great shape. We don’t care about your degree.

Not true. The smart successful men want it all. I am attractive (though not blond, lol), thin, educated, had a lucrative career before SAHM and come from a family with good, healthy genes. Subconsciously, my husband probably wanted all of that in the mother of his kids, and frankly so did I.

NP

It's funny that multiple men will tell you the same thing and you don't want to hear it. It's true we don't want someone who's going to really bring down the average, but your education is more of a bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

OP- you waited too long. Those of us met those guys and married them by 30.

I have a Master’s Degree and work in similar field. I have the life/husband you are looking for. Almost all of my girlfriends do as well and the lady of us married at 33.

I loathe this smug attitude by women who married young. They think it is some grand personal achievement and that it is some symbol that they are special or superior to other women, that they are better at life. You didn’t cure cancer or negotiate world peace, you walked down an aisle. So get over yourselves.

Not PP and I don’t see a hint of smugness. You’re just mad because it’s a hard truth.

But I guess you have me with that last part. I do think I’m better at life. The proof is in the pudding.

If you find your life partner young, you have a higher chance of marrying these super-successful guys. It's not an achievement - it's a choice with tradeoffs. I married young for love. My husband ended up making $$$$ in finance, and we set up this exact fancy life OP wants. The tradeoffs? I never got to have wild and free single days, kiss anyone except my husband, form a circle of close girlfriends, etc. I did build a career I love, but I was limited by having to compromise with my DH's career (location, schedule, etc). It was the right choice for me, and I am happy with it, but I am also very aware that my story isn't some magic fairytale with no downsides.

By the way, we ditched the Chevy Chase life and both chose to go into lower-paying jobs we loved and live in a more diverse and healthy community. (And I mean actual diversity, not people of different colors/ethnicities all living the same exact life, helicopter parenting, and obsessing over shallow shit).

x1000000

NAILED it. Diversity, my arse.

[Anonymous]

This thread is sad af.

[Anonymous]

Grow a thick firm booty. Build it and they’ll come.