Discrepancy between you want vs what you can get

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

[Anonymous]

I would question why OP wants these things. How is her happiness tied to this set of things? Is it just status? Because that is how it seems…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Ok, what now? Marriage isn't either a fairy tale or a country song. There is a lot of in between. Find someone who makes you happy, who challenges you intellectually, who is willing to work hard, and who wants to be your partner in life. Not everything will be perfect, and no one is guaranteed anything. But you can significantly increase your odds of a decent life if you focus on the elements that make for the journey rather than the end goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Male here. With a SHF in Chevy Chase. Private school for my kids. You sound dull and materialistic. What do you bring to the table?

x10000000

Woman here. Exactly my thought. NP. I see so many of these shallow women where I live, I would feel bad for them, if they weren't so ......pathetic.

OP, why would someone want to marry you just because you NEED to have an S class before a certain birthday - are those life goals? Listen to yourself. GEESUS, people, get a grip. I knew a group that would go to Dewey every summer, rent a group house, and all they would talk about is marrying a man like that. Marriage is a business transaction to them, like the oldest profession in the world. I read this all the time on these boards, and see it IRL, it makes women look bad.

Oh please. Every single one of these smug married women posting above about how their lives are just like this, wanted exactly these things and found it. OP and her friends are just saying the quiet part out loud. If you don't believe me try taking one of these snotty affluent married women and have them change places with OP (sounds like a great premise for a movie). You will immediately see them completely lose their sh*t.

Wait what? Take a 40 year old woman who has been married for twenty years and put her DH through school, switch places with OP who acts like she is looking at a menu for lunch, for a life partner? How does that even make sense? How does OP pretend to know whose money it is, or what it took for the couple to get where they are?

No matter who OP is, or who OP marries some day (or not - because her attitude sucks), OP will be up against something - the abusive IL's, the DH's drinking/rage/whatever habits - there is always something, and OP may think it sounds "easy" - but if OP can't handle this part - how on earth is she going to handle the rest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

You can disparage it all you want. They are UMC, married and have familles and gorgeous houses and are happy with their lives.

The only thing they have in common, is that although they are all affluent and successful now, none of them grew up very UMC. They all worked hard in public schools then private colleges (Princeton, Georgetown, Cornell, Swarthmore, etc) and were bred to be workhorses not show ponies. Guess who became successful as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would question why OP wants these things. How is her happiness tied to this set of things? Is it just status? Because that is how it seems…

+1

OP will never be happy, because it is always something - OP 'just needs" this, then that, then this, then that........it is neverending.......men aren't stupid, they are staying away on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

You can disparage it all you want. They are UMC, married and have familles and gorgeous houses and are happy with their lives.

The only thing they have in common, is that although they are all affluent and successful now, none of them grew up very UMC. They all worked hard in public schools then private colleges (Princeton, Georgetown, Cornell, Swarthmore, etc) and were bred to be workhorses not show ponies. Guess who became successful as adults.

Your view of life in tremendously narrow and naive and bitter, and really - no wonder you will never be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Male here. With a SHF in Chevy Chase. Private school for my kids. You sound dull and materialistic. What do you bring to the table?

x10000000

Woman here. Exactly my thought. NP. I see so many of these shallow women where I live, I would feel bad for them, if they weren't so ......pathetic.

OP, why would someone want to marry you just because you NEED to have an S class before a certain birthday - are those life goals? Listen to yourself. GEESUS, people, get a grip. I knew a group that would go to Dewey every summer, rent a group house, and all they would talk about is marrying a man like that. Marriage is a business transaction to them, like the oldest profession in the world. I read this all the time on these boards, and see it IRL, it makes women look bad.

Oh please. Every single one of these smug married women posting above about how their lives are just like this, wanted exactly these things and found it. OP and her friends are just saying the quiet part out loud. If you don't believe me try taking one of these snotty affluent married women and have them change places with OP (sounds like a great premise for a movie). You will immediately see them completely lose their sh*t.

Wait what? Take a 40 year old woman who has been married for twenty years and put her DH through school, switch places with OP who acts like she is looking at a menu for lunch, for a life partner? How does that even make sense? How does OP pretend to know whose money it is, or what it took for the couple to get where they are?

No matter who OP is, or who OP marries some day (or not - because her attitude sucks), OP will be up against something - the abusive IL's, the DH's drinking/rage/whatever habits - there is always something, and OP may think it sounds "easy" - but if OP can't handle this part - how on earth is she going to handle the rest?

NO I mean all these women saying how shallow and materialistic OP is would die if you took away the lives that OP says he wants for herself. They are not any better than she is, though they think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

You can disparage it all you want. They are UMC, married and have familles and gorgeous houses and are happy with their lives.

The only thing they have in common, is that although they are all affluent and successful now, none of them grew up very UMC. They all worked hard in public schools then private colleges (Princeton, Georgetown, Cornell, Swarthmore, etc) and were bred to be workhorses not show ponies. Guess who became successful as adults.

Your view of life in tremendously narrow and naive and bitter, and really - no wonder you will never be happy.

You seem not to like hearing the truth.

[Anonymous]

Months from now I'll still be laughing at OP's notion that she deserves a man because she has a policy job at some dogsht nonprofit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

You can disparage it all you want. They are UMC, married and have familles and gorgeous houses and are happy with their lives.

The only thing they have in common, is that although they are all affluent and successful now, none of them grew up very UMC. They all worked hard in public schools then private colleges (Princeton, Georgetown, Cornell, Swarthmore, etc) and were bred to be workhorses not show ponies. Guess who became successful as adults.

Your view of life in tremendously narrow and naive and bitter, and really - no wonder you will never be happy.

You seem not to like hearing the truth.

Your truth? No, I don't subscribe to it. I think many adults, and probably you, think there are only a handful of ways to be "successful" - and they all involve more money than most people you even know. So, settle down and stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Male here. With a SHF in Chevy Chase. Private school for my kids. You sound dull and materialistic. What do you bring to the table?

x10000000

Woman here. Exactly my thought. NP. I see so many of these shallow women where I live, I would feel bad for them, if they weren't so ......pathetic.

OP, why would someone want to marry you just because you NEED to have an S class before a certain birthday - are those life goals? Listen to yourself. GEESUS, people, get a grip. I knew a group that would go to Dewey every summer, rent a group house, and all they would talk about is marrying a man like that. Marriage is a business transaction to them, like the oldest profession in the world. I read this all the time on these boards, and see it IRL, it makes women look bad.

Oh please. Every single one of these smug married women posting above about how their lives are just like this, wanted exactly these things and found it. OP and her friends are just saying the quiet part out loud. If you don't believe me try taking one of these snotty affluent married women and have them change places with OP (sounds like a great premise for a movie). You will immediately see them completely lose their sh*t.

Wait what? Take a 40 year old woman who has been married for twenty years and put her DH through school, switch places with OP who acts like she is looking at a menu for lunch, for a life partner? How does that even make sense? How does OP pretend to know whose money it is, or what it took for the couple to get where they are?

No matter who OP is, or who OP marries some day (or not - because her attitude sucks), OP will be up against something - the abusive IL's, the DH's drinking/rage/whatever habits - there is always something, and OP may think it sounds "easy" - but if OP can't handle this part - how on earth is she going to handle the rest?

NO I mean all these women saying how shallow and materialistic OP is would die if you took away the lives that OP says he wants for herself. They are not any better than she is, though they think they are.

But OP has zero idea what it takes to get the life that she perceives a certain way, and aspires to. OP thinks she is a prize, like some of the posters here. LMAO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

You can disparage it all you want. They are UMC, married and have familles and gorgeous houses and are happy with their lives.

The only thing they have in common, is that although they are all affluent and successful now, none of them grew up very UMC. They all worked hard in public schools then private colleges (Princeton, Georgetown, Cornell, Swarthmore, etc) and were bred to be workhorses not show ponies. Guess who became successful as adults.

Your view of life in tremendously narrow and naive and bitter, and really - no wonder you will never be happy.

You seem not to like hearing the truth.

Your truth? No, I don't subscribe to it. I think many adults, and probably you, think there are only a handful of ways to be "successful" - and they all involve more money than most people you even know. So, settle down and stay in your lane.

I don't really know what you're hung bout here but it isn't the topic of this thread. The point is OP is aiming for a certain lifestyle without a) being able to attain similar benchmarks herself and b) not understanding the compromises people make when they marry, and how even those compromises can leave you better off than holding out for a ready-made impossible ideal. She is still in "Someday my prince will come" mode. It's much more common for women who were born well-off to expect others to fulfill that for them. Meanwhile thes women I described, all of whom had A LOT more to offer than OP, made it work with the tools at hand because they were industrious and unentitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Months from now I'll still be laughing at OP's notion that she deserves a man because she has a policy job at some dogsht nonprofit.

It is not even that, it is the attitude that OP (and so many lie her) think that (woman across the street, at work, wherever) has (dude with a penis) and the money (must be his! never hers!) must be growing on a tree in their perfect yard, on their perfect street, in their perfect house.....

Get a grip, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a doctor and so are a lot of my female friends. I have many gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated, high-earning friends with serious careers who were all looking to marry in their mid to late thirties. Just so you know these women were not average looking. They were brilliant, knockouts and all-around amazing people. Here is who they married:
1. divorced veterinarian with divorced parents and 6 year old son, joint custody in inland FL (not Miami/Palm Beach), where she had to move. He stays home with their twins and works part time while she makes like $400-500K.
2. DO (not MD) trauma surgeon and Trump / Republican voter with a VERY sedate personality, who helps not at all with their 3 kids, very irritating mother in law who lives minutes away
3. Plastic surgeon who serially cheated during the first 5-7 years of marriage while they were having multiple miscarriages trying for a second baby that they did not achieve; they moved to a medium town in a western state for his job thereby severely limiting her career
4. freelance screenwriter who is intermittently employed
5. real estate developer who cheated on her (she got paged in the OR WHILE OPERATING by the guy's AP's DH); she then hastily remarried someone else and they have several kids now.
6. Very good looking nice guy who has been long term unemployed and is a SAHD.

All of these women made it work and are still married with children.

You have to be realistic.

Realistic is an understatement.

You can disparage it all you want. They are UMC, married and have familles and gorgeous houses and are happy with their lives.

The only thing they have in common, is that although they are all affluent and successful now, none of them grew up very UMC. They all worked hard in public schools then private colleges (Princeton, Georgetown, Cornell, Swarthmore, etc) and were bred to be workhorses not show ponies. Guess who became successful as adults.

Your view of life in tremendously narrow and naive and bitter, and really - no wonder you will never be happy.

You seem not to like hearing the truth.

Your truth? No, I don't subscribe to it. I think many adults, and probably you, think there are only a handful of ways to be "successful" - and they all involve more money than most people you even know. So, settle down and stay in your lane.

I don't really know what you're hung bout here but it isn't the topic of this thread. The point is OP is aiming for a certain lifestyle without a) being able to attain similar benchmarks herself and b) not understanding the compromises people make when they marry, and how even those compromises can leave you better off than holding out for a ready-made impossible ideal. She is still in "Someday my prince will come" mode. It's much more common for women who were born well-off to expect others to fulfill that for them. Meanwhile thes women I described, all of whom had A LOT more to offer than OP, made it work with the tools at hand because they were industrious and unentitled.

It sounds like we may agree that OP is shallow and not marriage worthy, but your reaching for assumptions about me is very, very, very, very far off.