Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

Adverse possession exists as a concept solely to provide law school professors with exam questions

This. I don't remember a lot about it, but I do know that attempting to adversely possess the house when OP's father is living there is . . . unlikely to be successful.

There’s no theory of adverse possession that would let an invited houseguest rely on the doctrine to claim a house. Whoever brought up adverse possession early in this thread had no idea what they were talking about.

[Anonymous]

Yes, yes, she’s laying the groundwork to have it go to her and/or to guilt you out of getting a share. Kind of creepy.

[Anonymous]

Your dad should just leave the condo to charity. His house he can do whatever he wants including implementing renovations your sibling suggests and having your sibling visit often. You are not entitled to an inheritance from your parents; yes, it would be nice if they leave you an inheritance but they don’t need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op has a right to be concerned. I've often seen the favorite child get the vacation house to keep it in the family. Also parents also think an unsuccessful child should be given more money. I'd assume this is what her dad is planning. But is all of that worth losing a sibling over? Life isn't fair.

Op should be more concerned over her dad remarrying and a step mom really getting 100% and then only leaving it to her kids. Then op would really have something to complain about. Happened on both sides of my family.

LOL That actually happened to me. We had a family condo on the ocean for many years. After the divorce he dated and ended up remarrying. Though us kids were suppose to have the condo she has it which is fine. We are all doing well and get along with her but our dad should have kept it separate imo. They also had a nice home, but that happens quite a bit. Don't depend on someone else's assets.

Oh so YOUR DAD had a property that was his and not yours? That he bought with HIS MONEY and did with what HE pleased? Yeah, nothing "happened" to you, sweetie. You want a beach house? Work hard, save and buy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

So what? She still is showing up for the father. How ofter in OP visiting?

If a $1m house wasn't at stake, would she be there?

[Anonymous]

This stuff rarely ends well. OP, if you have a good relationship with your dad and money has been discussed in the past without acrimony, it may be worth a conversation. If your sister is dictating renovations to her specifications, you could say - hey dad, I noticed Sally seems to be directing the renovations to your house to her specifications, has there been a change in plans where Sally and her family intend to move in or begin using the house more often? See what he says and go from there.

If he says no, Sally is just helping me because I'm not that interested in overseeing this work/she likes doing it/etc; then maybe Sally really is angling, but it doesn't matter. If he tells you that he has made changes to his estate, then you know and there isn't anything you could or should do about it, because it is his asset, to do what he wants to with it. I would not say it would be unreasonable to ask why he's made such a change and ask if brother is also aware of the change. Beyond that, if you try to pressure him to change things again, you get into a sticky situation where your sister could accuse YOU of elder abuse and trying to get your dad to leave more to you. So, overall, you are kind of stuck, but I get wanting to know. I would ask, if the relationship is such that you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

So what? She still is showing up for the father. How ofter in OP visiting?

If a $1m house wasn't at stake, would she be there?

I mean, you don't know. You're not in her head, or even in this family.

Some of you are so freaking bitter about other people's property. And yes, your parents' property is not yours. My parents have a lake house, and they could legally leave it to just my brother, or to a charity, or to a freaking cat. Not mine, not my choice, not my business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

So what? She still is showing up for the father. How ofter in OP visiting?

If a $1m house wasn't at stake, would she be there?

Would OP care if her dad didn’t own a mortgage free property? I wonder if the other sibling also cares or this is just an OP issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, understand your concern. I have a younger sister who always, always had her hand out in one way or another and played the sympathy card with my parents throughout their lives. Their estate was always set up to benefit the grandchildren, and my siblings and I were fine with that, just not my younger sister. Fast forward to my parents passing within weeks of each other, she had at some point gotten them to revise their will and kept it secret from the rest of the family. I consider it to be elder abuse the games she played, but so be it, she got everything down to the china. For a small moment in time she invited us to come and take some remembrance of our parents, but even that gesture went away very fast. She was not a squatter, but an opportunist and assumed that because she was the youngest she was and always was entitled to special exception. Needless to say, she has lost most of the family who refuse to have anything to do with her and I am treading in that direction, not because I need the money but I can't seem to let it go in my own mind how deceptive she was with all of us, especially my elderly parents. They deserved better than that in their final years. My hope is they did not see it the way everyone else does.

that is so damn sad. happened to a good friend of mine. the brother/son was the youngest. he inherited the multi-generational family business. he drove it into bankruptcy after taking out a few loans from the older siblings. he then went to their mother, who was still alive. got her to change the will and leave everything to him, down to every last bit of jewelry, even pieces she had discussed with her daughters. the sisters are beyond angry and have had nothing to do with him for 7 years.

That's what many are forgetting. Elder abuse happens a lot. Remember Casey Kasem. He and his wife were married over 34 years and had a lot of assets. His 3 kids from his first marriage always asked for money until the atm said enough! When Casey started getting ill they took him to a UPS store and had him sign a medical POA behind his wifes back. He didn't even know what he was signing. Right after he died they tried to get the life insurance, and tried to get His and Jeans house which was hers since it was joint. After 5 years she was able to sell the house and they had to go pound sand. When he cut them off they became really scary and part of the reason was they were into the Scientology. When older people become fragile they are easily a victim. OP needs to make sure her dad is protected, and she doesn't try something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

So what? She still is showing up for the father. How ofter in OP visiting?

If a $1m house wasn't at stake, would she be there?

Would OP care if her dad didn’t own a mortgage free property? I wonder if the other sibling also cares or this is just an OP issue.

So we have a sister who is unemployed -vs- OP works, OP's husband works, OP and husband have stable income and good credit history to qualify for a pricey second mortgage, OP and husband went out of their way to buy a vacation home next to her father. And you think OP is the hustler here? Quite a long con.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. It's always the ones who are doing less who are angling for more. After my MIL died my SIL whined about not having some of her mom's jewelry when she visited my FIL. He let her take pieces home. My second SIL found out about it and came and took the rest fearing she'd lose out. Around 25-30k gone. We only found out about it because FIL felt guilty and told DH who was furious. He called both of them and ripped them. We would have never thought to ask for anything while he was alive. This sister has no right to be involved so deeply in decisions that involve a house that isn't hers.

[Anonymous]

^^ PP here - I know it's not a lot of $$ but we just couldn't believe they would be so sneaky about it. Never thought if DH or either of our kids might want something. Just took it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP. It's always the ones who are doing less who are angling for more. After my MIL died my SIL whined about not having some of her mom's jewelry when she visited my FIL. He let her take pieces home. My second SIL found out about it and came and took the rest fearing she'd lose out. Around 25-30k gone. We only found out about it because FIL felt guilty and told DH who was furious. He called both of them and ripped them. We would have never thought to ask for anything while he was alive. This sister has no right to be involved so deeply in decisions that involve a house that isn't hers.

You don’t know that the owner of this house isn’t welcoming her involvement. I have SILs who did the same nonsense as yours. I get it. But I’m also trying not to project onto OP’s sister. We don’t actually know what the dynamics are, and we certainly don’t know what OP’s father thinks.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your father yet, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

+1.

I get where the OP is coming from. I work my tail off and scrimp and save for the things I own while my lazy brother gets them handed to him or pulls what OP’s sister does and basically takes them over.