Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

[Anonymous]

What is your concern? That she will try to sell it or move into it? If it's split equally, there is no way she can do that.

[Anonymous]

Presumably if she wants it she’ll be able to buy out you and your brother. Is the beach house your dads only asset?

[Anonymous]

Is she older or younger than you? Some of this dynamic may be stepping up with your dad after the death of your mom. It may be more about your dad than the house, just throwing that out there.

[Anonymous]

Are you concerned she’s whispering in your Dad’s ear to change the will, OP?

[Anonymous]

How much will the estate be? Give her the beach house and you and brother get stocks/cash valued at $1m.

[Anonymous]

Ask you dad for the plan (will).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumably if she wants it she’ll be able to buy out you and your brother. Is the beach house your dads only asset?

He's frugal, so this is probably his largest asset. He also owns it outright.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world do you think you have any right to tell your sister she needs to back off with respect to your father’s beach house? You acknowledge he is not mentally impaired, so you need to let him deal with it if he’s unhappy instead of trying to stake your claim to his assets before he’s dead.

[Anonymous]

Why does she need your permission to visit your dad?

Why is it relevant that she is "less successful" (whatever that means)?

[Anonymous]

If your dad is sharp and if sound mind, ask him his plans. That seems like a given. If you’re not comfortable talking to him about that and your sister is, you should think about why that might be.

[Anonymous]

If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned she’s whispering in your Dad’s ear to change the will, OP?

I really have no idea what to think. Possibly? But acting like the owner and making demands is really bothersome too. I think they have a well you already have a beach house, so this is ours entitled demeanor. Does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems