Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

When the time comes, she can buy you and your brother out, either with other cash equivalents from the estate, or by getting a mortgage. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

This.

Get over yourself.

Your dad probably appreciates their help and likes having them around.

Your sister doesn’t have to tell you her whereabouts.

[Anonymous]

No, you can’t control her or your dad. Just be prepared to really p!ss her off when you refuse to give her your share.

Don’t commit to any future split if she brings it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

For the sake of additional context: She has no skill set and outside of the job she was fired from after college, she's never worked in her life. She's frankly a layabout. And I'm only sharing that to dispel the notion that she's some home improvement guru my professionally successful dad needs around to show him a thing or two.

[Anonymous]

Your dad gets to decide what to do with his own assets.

I think you are worried he will give her the beach house. Hopefully he will instead divide his estate equally among the three of you. But if he decides to give more to the less successful sister who has spent more time with him in his old age, that’s his decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

For the sake of additional context: She has no skill set and outside of the job she was fired from after college, she's never worked in her life. She's frankly a layabout. And I'm only sharing that to dispel the notion that she's some home improvement guru my professionally successful dad needs around to show him a thing or two.

Sounds like your dad might be thinking that giving her this house is a way to provide for her after he’s gone. Which is something to talk to your dad about, not your sister, as that would be in the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

How big is it? I’m curious why you made sacrifices to but a house close by when it’s no one’s primary residence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned she’s whispering in your Dad’s ear to change the will, OP?

I really have no idea what to think. Possibly? But acting like the owner and making demands is really bothersome too. I think they have a well you already have a beach house, so this is ours entitled demeanor. Does that make sense?

I get it op. And alot of this is also probably because your mom is gone now. Your sister is stepping up into the “woman of the house” role, and that’s probably a tough dynamic to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

[Anonymous]

Op, understand your concern. I have a younger sister who always, always had her hand out in one way or another and played the sympathy card with my parents throughout their lives. Their estate was always set up to benefit the grandchildren, and my siblings and I were fine with that, just not my younger sister. Fast forward to my parents passing within weeks of each other, she had at some point gotten them to revise their will and kept it secret from the rest of the family. I consider it to be elder abuse the games she played, but so be it, she got everything down to the china. For a small moment in time she invited us to come and take some remembrance of our parents, but even that gesture went away very fast. She was not a squatter, but an opportunist and assumed that because she was the youngest she was and always was entitled to special exception. Needless to say, she has lost most of the family who refuse to have anything to do with her and I am treading in that direction, not because I need the money but I can't seem to let it go in my own mind how deceptive she was with all of us, especially my elderly parents. They deserved better than that in their final years. My hope is they did not see it the way everyone else does.

[Anonymous]

For my part, if I have a good relationship with my parent, I'm taking this conversation to them. Not confrontational, but in a troubled way. Protecting life long family relations is so much more valuable than a house and I would not have to think twice to ask my parent what direction they were leaning towards. Difficult, but "wills" are for the living and my parents had no problem sharing their directives with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

It's the sneakiness Op seems to be opposed to, not the money, I think. If I were Op I'd start showing up unexpectedly and let my sister find me lounging with Dad at the beach or enjoying a good movie together over his favorite meal. Two can play this game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

For the sake of additional context: She has no skill set and outside of the job she was fired from after college, she's never worked in her life. She's frankly a layabout. And I'm only sharing that to dispel the notion that she's some home improvement guru my professionally successful dad needs around to show him a thing or two.

We get it, you have great contempt for her. She knows this, too.

The only thing you can and should do is to, in as politic a manner as possible, make sure your father knows that his will needs to be crystal clear. Nothing must be left to good will with you two, because you have none. As long as his will is clear, there is absolutely nothing else you can or should do.

[Anonymous]

You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???