Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

What do you envision happening when your father dies? Are you going to try to share your dad's beach house with your siblings? Buy them out? Sell them your share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

It's the sneakiness Op seems to be opposed to, not the money, I think. If I were Op I'd start showing up unexpectedly and let my sister find me lounging with Dad at the beach or enjoying a good movie together over his favorite meal. Two can play this game.

Spending time with a widowed parent shouldn't be a game. Gross. He isn't a pawn for a manipulative jealous OP.

OP's insistent of how unsuccessful her sister is just supports the idea of jealousy. Thinking how can dad care about her when I'm the better one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

OP pointed out that her sister is less successful because her sister doesn't work and appears to feel entitled to the family beach house now that OP bought her own. OP is no less entitled to the family house just because she's successful. OP I sympathize with you. Sounds like OP's sister is willing to lose her over $333,000

[Anonymous]

Interesting how passive aggressive you are Op. Speaks volume. I can see why your sister doesn't really want to talk with you much or even feel compelled to agree with you on things like beach house upkeep.

Even the title of your post - you had to mean how "less successful" than you are...?

[Anonymous]

Your dad is of sound mind so he makes his own decisions. If he lets them veto paint, it's on him and he is creating drama by dragging you in.

It rarely goes well to split real estate even with siblings who get along. He's setting you up for major conflict. Honestly the easiest thing is to make sure it is sold upon death and finances split equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

[Anonymous]

Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

[Anonymous]

The beach house and land is worth at least $1m. It's may be worth nearly $2m in this market, I have no idea. Just pointing that out because multiple are seizing on est. $333k 1/3rd share. And there's also 3 siblings, not 2. Our brother is on the west coast but he working just a regular middle-middle class job with his wife. He is not rich or even anywhere close to UMC, which may have been assumed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, understand your concern. I have a younger sister who always, always had her hand out in one way or another and played the sympathy card with my parents throughout their lives. Their estate was always set up to benefit the grandchildren, and my siblings and I were fine with that, just not my younger sister. Fast forward to my parents passing within weeks of each other, she had at some point gotten them to revise their will and kept it secret from the rest of the family. I consider it to be elder abuse the games she played, but so be it, she got everything down to the china. For a small moment in time she invited us to come and take some remembrance of our parents, but even that gesture went away very fast. She was not a squatter, but an opportunist and assumed that because she was the youngest she was and always was entitled to special exception. Needless to say, she has lost most of the family who refuse to have anything to do with her and I am treading in that direction, not because I need the money but I can't seem to let it go in my own mind how deceptive she was with all of us, especially my elderly parents. They deserved better than that in their final years. My hope is they did not see it the way everyone else does.

+1

I have seen this, but the manipulative child was the middle child - never good enough, but consistently trying to sell herself as the "helper" of the family, instead of the constant "taker" that she really was. Parent fed into the golden child gone awry (as s/he always does!), and created a monster. The manipulative child took priceless family jewelry (nothing less than 24k gold) and photos and more - tried to pawn off everything she didn't want on everyone else (who didn't need more useless stuff). Manipulative One had the cajones to have the (now deceased) parent use the (deceased) parent's money to buy a big life insurance policy, and took all of that, as well. Never enough. Not to mention, multiple and constant abuses in their elder years. Actually happened with a few family members who are now gone - she wedges her way in there like it is a sport - God forbid she get an actual job.

I personally think OP is smart to be aware, but OP needs to take it up with her dad, not the thieving sister. I would not let the thieving sister know how you feel at all, because that would give her more ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

He's living there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The beach house and land is worth at least $1m. It's may be worth nearly $2m in this market, I have no idea. Just pointing that out because multiple are seizing on est. $333k 1/3rd share. And there's also 3 siblings, not 2. Our brother is on the west coast but he working just a regular middle-middle class job with his wife. He is not rich or even anywhere close to UMC, which may have been assumed.

It absolutely does not matter who is rich and who is not, you are all your father's children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!