Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
You sound like a horrible parent. Did you also use this approach with your love - only give it to the kid who is "perfect" and not to the kid who acts out? The law is actually very clear on what is "fair" in estate situations. It is what is stipulated in the deceased will. |
Anonymous
Hypothetical, but if I have a child who is an absolute train wreck, maybe leaving him or her a lot of money is not ultimately what is best for them as a person. As a parent, my role is to help my children develop into good people.. My children will all receive equal shares of our estate, but I can definitely see situations in which parents do not think it prudent to bequeath a portion of their estate to an adult child. Also, in families where one adult child has failed to help over many years, has chosen not to participate very often, if the child is THAT distant from the rest of the family, why should they necessarily inherit the same amount? Once everyone reaches adulthood, isn’t there some expectation that each generation helps and cares for each other? This is what people have done across cultures, across time. This phenomenon of every man for himself has lent itself to a very self-centered culture to the detriment of all. |
Anonymous
This. Right. Here. All of you people acting like you are owed your parents' money--now or in the future--are gross. Keep in mind that your parents have every right to do with their money and property as they please, including donating it all to charity or leaving it to a cat. Literally, a cat. |
Anonymous
This. Reminds me I need to set up a will to provide a stipend for my cats. But seriously, just ask your dad whether he intends on leaving the house to all three of you or just your sister. It’s really not your business but I feel like given all the drama it’s the easiest way to move on. My parents used to talk about inheritance when we were younger until we pointed out how much elder care costs and that we’d prefer they just focus on funding their own end of life, and that’d be the best inheritance gift we could get. |
Anonymous
Yes to the funding of elder care! I learned my lesson when MIL and her brother planned on using inheritance from their mother for various things. Well, their mom lived into her late 90s, 20 of those years in assisted living-type facilities. By the end, MIL and her sibling were shelling out their own money for funeral costs. Their mother had a couple million (and survivor benefits from her husband’s nice pension) when she went into assisted living. People really underestimate how expensive those later years are in many cases. |
Anonymous
Yes, the best gift we can give our children is to save and invest carefully to have enough to pay for our own care as we age. I hope to never be a burden to my children. My parents and in-laws did a good job of doing this kind of planning and I hope to follow their examples. |
Anonymous
I doubt a "parent" is talking like that. This forum is full of many angry spinsters and incels. |
Anonymous
Someone broke and bitter they're from a low caste family typed this. Jaded and angry is no way to go through life, sweetie. |
Anonymous
Oh stop everyone. A parent who prefers leaving their estate to a pet rather than their own children is nasty. And you confuse rights with what is someone's business. While a parent has every legal right to draft a will of their choosing, keeping it secret from your own children is highly weird and mean spirited, unless there is a child with addiction issues or estrangement or something of that sort. I have a copy of my mother's will and trust, which is the normal way that works. She doesn't play games. |
Anonymous
Then why doesn’t OP just talk to the dad about it? |
Anonymous
I’m wondering if OP is not as close to dad, and is afraid of his answer if she brings it up. As a parent, it would really bother me to hear one child talk about another in the disparaging way OP speaks of her sister. I wonder if she runs her tongue in front of dad, and he doesn’t like it, so she can’t talk to him about these things. |
Anonymous
Lol or just not an enabler? My parents paid for education and that was more than generous. But a pet stipend is like $100K for care of the pet. Remainder would go to the kids. But you’d know that if you actually had the money to provide for your dependents. |
Anonymous
|
Just to recap:
1. OP's sister visits her dad a lot, and expresses opinions about upkeep on the house. 2. OP has a lot of disdain for her sister and a lot of pride in her own financial accomplishments. 3. OP has not asked her father what he wants to have happen to the property upon his death. How anybody can say that sister is "stealing" anything is just not rational at all. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
All the children regardless of what they own should get a equal split after medical bills, etc. are paid. OP simply needs to talk to her dad and what his wishes are. And make sure to have a family meeting about it. |