How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

I know it's been said, but I can't fathom marrying someone who would treat my child as "other". I can't believe she's been living this since she was 12. OP, you have failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TLDR all of this but this is not the mother's fault. The DD who is such a good student should be using those big brains to identify private colleges that offer merit aid.

FWIW, my mother remarried when I was a teen (eldest of my bio and step siblings). We were very poor from the divorce and my father's bad job and cheap ways. My stepfather enabled us to have a much nicer house, cars, and trips.

She and I paid for my college education, but I did find a school that offered me a large scholarship. I never expected my stepfather to pay for my college. He DID often send me money, though, which I really appreciated. I never asked for it, though.

Definition of narcissism… I did it X way, I’m great, do it exactly like me. ^^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why DH and I waited an extra year to marry. We each had one in college.

You were smart. More people should be like you!

OP is a jerk and embodies the “buzz off, I got mine” mentality…Towards her own daughter. Disgusting, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the new husband is playing for the house and living expenses, why can’t OP cash flow UMD? Or at least part of it?

Because she is selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of marital status, mom has what she has. Many families have limited college savings, that’s life.

They don’t have limited funds for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's been said, but I can't fathom marrying someone who would treat my child as "other". I can't believe she's been living this since she was 12. OP, you have failed.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's been said, but I can't fathom marrying someone who would treat my child as "other". I can't believe she's been living this since she was 12. OP, you have failed.

Agree

So you both would be cool with a huge percentage of funds set aside for your kids college or inheritance going to their stepssiblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn't your daughter applied for scholarships?

Not all of them are need based.

Many are based on grades , activities, hobbies volunteering, ethnics heritage etc.

Most of them also aren't for a ton of money. It's tough to get enough in scholarships to cover a big gap.

Every little bit helps IMO she doesn't want it bad enough if she's not looking into other avenues and only pouting about what she doesn't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's been said, but I can't fathom marrying someone who would treat my child as "other". I can't believe she's been living this since she was 12. OP, you have failed.

Agree

So you both would be cool with a huge percentage of funds set aside for your kids college or inheritance going to their stepssiblings?

I have a child from my 20’s and 2 from my marriage and yes, we planned for all 3. Of course the 1st child had a 2nd person contributing a little and that was taken into account.

Also I’m the one with more money. If my H had a child from a previous marriage I would contribute. I’d be appalled if my spouse worked had no bills and would not pay for their own Child’s education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn't your daughter applied for scholarships?

Not all of them are need based.

Many are based on grades , activities, hobbies volunteering, ethnics heritage etc.

Most of them also aren't for a ton of money. It's tough to get enough in scholarships to cover a big gap.

Every little bit helps IMO she doesn't want it bad enough if she's not looking into other avenues and only pouting about what she doesn't have.

How do you know she hasn’t?

My kids filled out about 20 scholarship apps and got $1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your complete lack of awareness as to how you have screwed your kid over is astonishing.

Actually, I think OP knows but doesn’t care.

You mean she should have thought ahead and strategically delayed any marriages in order to have her daughter apply from a lower income family?

People do that? Or get divorced to ramp up aid and welfare? Nice!

Most people who get married after they have children, choose people who will care for their child and treat them like family.

But yes, if you want to marry someone who isn't going to care for your children, you should wait until your children are launched.

You know damn well if your bex husband was going to pay for his step kids meaning less money for dd or DS you'd be here having a fit.

[Anonymous]

She can go to college she just doesn't want to go to her dream school. Oh well that's life. If it was that important to her she would have been working on a plan long before now.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to make a TikTok or go fund me

[Anonymous]

Based on what you've shared it's easy to understand why your daughter is resentful. You and your husband have created class warfare in your own home. You can't treat his kids one way and your daughter another. Do you spend the same amounts of money on each of the kids for birthdays and Christmas? Or does your daughter get less because she's your daughter? That's whacked if it's true.

I'd highly encourage all of you to get some family therapy so you can build some real family bonds and how you can fix this colossal mess you both have made.

You also need to have a talk with your husband and find out what he's thinking. I can't imagine living with a child, having money, and not being willing to help them out in some fashion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you feel comfortable asking him to help? I think that’s a really odd sign. You sound more like a live-in mistress. Your daughter is treated like Cinderella. You allow and condone it. The biggest damage is you betraying her. You need to mend that damage first. Choose her over your husband. Show her that she means more to you than your ‘embarrassment’ or losing his good opinion or him altogether. It’s not too late.

this! OP has this very subservient attitude toward her husband and his kids and is now angry her own daughter is not doing the same? i mean, i am first to argue that spending 300k on a vassar is a colossal waste of money, but this is not really the core issue here. it seems like OP wanted to marry for money, found a guy and kept her daughter of the picture in order not to jeopardize her marriage prospects. "DD was already 13" - so what, there was still plenty of time for her to become part of the family, but it seems OP didn't want to risk it. it seems that "keeping finances separate" was condition of the marriage, at least in OP's head.

OP traded her own (and hers alone) financial stability for her relationship with her own daughter. it's a shitty thing to do and yes, you are a bad parent because of it.