How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn't your daughter applied for scholarships?

Not all of them are need based.

Many are based on grades , activities, hobbies volunteering, ethnics heritage etc.

Most of them also aren't for a ton of money. It's tough to get enough in scholarships to cover a big gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your complete lack of awareness as to how you have screwed your kid over is astonishing.

Actually, I think OP knows but doesn’t care.

You mean she should have thought ahead and strategically delayed any marriages in order to have her daughter apply from a lower income family?

People do that? Or get divorced to ramp up aid and welfare? Nice!

It sounds like they got married pretty recently. I would absolutely have the conversation with my future spouse that we would need to wait until the kid was through college if we couldn't find a shared way to get the kid through college, or have Dad claim the kid and set up a paperwork trail that dad was the primary parent.

OP clarified that they got married when the girl was 12. So, not a teenager, a young child.

I would not send my young middle school aged child to live with my ex to save money on college tuition, which is what would need to be done to set up the paperwork trail. I could not fathom doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to OP?

She originally posted expecting to get sympathy and is unwilling to accept the broad consensus that she is in the wrong

I mean, yes. You are exactly right. She is ripping her own dd apart for what? 17-year dd fibbed and she is disappointed in her own child? For not being super nice to her stepsisters? For not being understanding how in the same family kids get to go wherever and she is an ungrateful brat, according to op, for not taking loans for local in-state school? OP is a selfish douche who put her own needs before the needs of her child. She is blaming the victim! Who is her own child! Appalling lack of any motherly affection, care, or understanding.

m

NP. I actually do think it’s entitled and bratty to have such a bad attitude about attending an in state school.

I’m surprised so many posters are overlooking this. Mom messed up by not considering the financial implications of marrying and signing a prenup.

But DD should be grateful if they pay for her to go to UMD.

They aren't offering to pay for UMD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to OP?

She originally posted expecting to get sympathy and is unwilling to accept the broad consensus that she is in the wrong

I mean, yes. You are exactly right. She is ripping her own dd apart for what? 17-year dd fibbed and she is disappointed in her own child? For not being super nice to her stepsisters? For not being understanding how in the same family kids get to go wherever and she is an ungrateful brat, according to op, for not taking loans for local in-state school? OP is a selfish douche who put her own needs before the needs of her child. She is blaming the victim! Who is her own child! Appalling lack of any motherly affection, care, or understanding.

m

NP. I actually do think it’s entitled and bratty to have such a bad attitude about attending an in state school.

I’m surprised so many posters are overlooking this. Mom messed up by not considering the financial implications of marrying and signing a prenup.

But DD should be grateful if they pay for her to go to UMD.

They aren't offering to pay for UMD.

And nobody is saying that part is not questionable, most of us are saying, hey, this girl can't afford UMD. And kids have dreams, why not? This girl is not allowed to dream the same dreams her stepsisters are having come true? 30K doesn't pay 4 years at UMD. Not even close, not ever Salisbury, ask me how I know?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why OP views this as merely an issue of her DH not wanting to contribute to DD’s education. Even if DH doesn’t view himself as a father figure to OP’s daughter, doesn’t DH at least want to help his own wife??? Surely he must realize that the daughter can’t get financial aid because of the household income so yes, his OP really DOES need that money. I think OP should talk to her husband and explore taking out loans (in her own name) and seeing what portion DH can contribute. I cannot imagine my own husband not giving me money for something I needed if he had the money to give. This situation is INSANE.

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, spending tons of money on private school for an undergraduate degree is stupid. However, your daughter has every right to be angry at the way this played out. I cannot imagine the feelings of rejection and inferiority she must have right now. Fix it, OP. Put yourself in her shoes.

[Anonymous]

I see so many harping on the mom and stepdad but the bio dad gets a free pass. How about the SD and his ex made years worth of financially plans and saved for the kids they shared and now he does not have the funds to also pay for the stepdaughter, how is that unfair. That does not mean he may not contribute something, living expenses, books, etc. but to expect that he has to foot the tuition is over the top.
As for other lifestyle things, those kids also have a rich mom.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of marital status, mom has what she has. Many families have limited college savings, that’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of marital status, mom has what she has. Many families have limited college savings, that’s life.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your complete lack of awareness as to how you have screwed your kid over is astonishing.

Actually, I think OP knows but doesn’t care.

You mean she should have thought ahead and strategically delayed any marriages in order to have her daughter apply from a lower income family?

People do that? Or get divorced to ramp up aid and welfare? Nice!

It sounds like they got married pretty recently. I would absolutely have the conversation with my future spouse that we would need to wait until the kid was through college if we couldn't find a shared way to get the kid through college, or have Dad claim the kid and set up a paperwork trail that dad was the primary parent.

OP clarified that they got married when the girl was 12. So, not a teenager, a young child.

I would not send my young middle school aged child to live with my ex to save money on college tuition, which is what would need to be done to set up the paperwork trail. I could not fathom doing that.

"Paperwork trail" is just that. No one is digging deep into actual custodial relationships. I understand not everyone would be comfortable with lying. I would go to my spouse first, but as someone who lied to get money for college when I was out of other options, I would also lie on behalf of my child.

[Anonymous]

If the new husband is playing for the house and living expenses, why can’t OP cash flow UMD? Or at least part of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why OP views this as merely an issue of her DH not wanting to contribute to DD’s education. Even if DH doesn’t view himself as a father figure to OP’s daughter, doesn’t DH at least want to help his own wife??? Surely he must realize that the daughter can’t get financial aid because of the household income so yes, his OP really DOES need that money. I think OP should talk to her husband and explore taking out loans (in her own name) and seeing what portion DH can contribute. I cannot imagine my own husband not giving me money for something I needed if he had the money to give. This situation is INSANE.

It appears that DH got a f... buddy, and a free housekeeper and made sure the housekeeper gets nothing from him. Nor her poor DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of marital status, mom has what she has. Many families have limited college savings, that’s life.

I agree.

Mom has what she has but the HOUSEHOLD HHI is screwing the daughter. Can't you see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you didn’t choose to marry this man your kid would qualify for aid but because you did she’s screwed?

The only explanations I can come up with are:

1) The sex was really good so it was worth screwing you

or

2) I wanted to live rich for the rest of my life. Even if it has permanent impact on your earning power.

Perhaps say one of those things?

Oh please this is highly exaggerated. The girl can take a year off and get off their taxes as a dependent.

No she can’t.

Not until she’s 23 for FAFSA.

[Anonymous]

This is why DH and I waited an extra year to marry. We each had one in college.