Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

This seems to be the standard for women.

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

Define "normal life responsibilities".

The normal things that normal adults with relationships and families and jobs have to do.

You'd think people on here are laboring like subsistence farmers in third world countries the way they talk about needing so much rest and support. Being a fed middle manager or director of marketing or whatever is not that tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

But now you're changing the argument. You were going on about your "physical needs" being met, and now you're talking about your to-do list. But needing the husband to clean the house and let the wife sleep late on the weekends just to be in the mood seems lame. I feel bad for the guy, but I guess he made his choice. Just glad I didn't marry someone who gets beaten down so easily by basic life stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

But now you're changing the argument. You were going on about your "physical needs" being met, and now you're talking about your to-do list. But needing the husband to clean the house and let the wife sleep late on the weekends just to be in the mood seems lame. I feel bad for the guy, but I guess he made his choice. Just glad I didn't marry someone who gets beaten down so easily by basic life stuff.

The physical needs are for sleep and order. Those are needs that must be met in order to be physically satisfied, so they are physical needs.

So far you have described me, a woman you have never met, as being anxious, lazy, “beaten down” are there any other names you’d like to call? No matter how long your list grows my husband still gets to have enthusiastic sex a few times a week...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

But now you're changing the argument. You were going on about your "physical needs" being met, and now you're talking about your to-do list. But needing the husband to clean the house and let the wife sleep late on the weekends just to be in the mood seems lame. I feel bad for the guy, but I guess he made his choice. Just glad I didn't marry someone who gets beaten down so easily by basic life stuff.

The physical needs are for sleep and order. Those are needs that must be met in order to be physically satisfied, so they are physical needs.

So far you have described me, a woman you have never met, as being anxious, lazy, “beaten down” are there any other names you’d like to call? No matter how long your list grows my husband still gets to have enthusiastic sex a few times a week...

Glad he's happy buying your enthusiasm by tidying up while you sleep in. Sounds like quite an arrangement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

But now you're changing the argument. You were going on about your "physical needs" being met, and now you're talking about your to-do list. But needing the husband to clean the house and let the wife sleep late on the weekends just to be in the mood seems lame. I feel bad for the guy, but I guess he made his choice. Just glad I didn't marry someone who gets beaten down so easily by basic life stuff.

The physical needs are for sleep and order. Those are needs that must be met in order to be physically satisfied, so they are physical needs.

So far you have described me, a woman you have never met, as being anxious, lazy, “beaten down” are there any other names you’d like to call? No matter how long your list grows my husband still gets to have enthusiastic sex a few times a week...

Glad he's happy buying your enthusiasm by tidying up while you sleep in. Sounds like quite an arrangement!

If you think that’s bad you’ll love this — I sleep in almost every day and my husband has sex every day if he wants! Quite an arrangement, but we’re happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

But now you're changing the argument. You were going on about your "physical needs" being met, and now you're talking about your to-do list. But needing the husband to clean the house and let the wife sleep late on the weekends just to be in the mood seems lame. I feel bad for the guy, but I guess he made his choice. Just glad I didn't marry someone who gets beaten down so easily by basic life stuff.

The physical needs are for sleep and order. Those are needs that must be met in order to be physically satisfied, so they are physical needs.

So far you have described me, a woman you have never met, as being anxious, lazy, “beaten down” are there any other names you’d like to call? No matter how long your list grows my husband still gets to have enthusiastic sex a few times a week...

Glad he's happy buying your enthusiasm by tidying up while you sleep in. Sounds like quite an arrangement!

If you think that’s bad you’ll love this — I sleep in almost every day and my husband has sex every day if he wants! Quite an arrangement, but we’re happy.

But don’t you know we’re supposed to be ashamed of our lame selves?!!

[Anonymous]

So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.

I don't know what the solution is. It is not my problem. But it is a lame as hell thing for the wife to do. I guess though if you marry someone who is too lazy and anxious to be able to handle normal life responsibilities and maintain a sex drive, it is the guy's fault.

You need to start your own thread about things you WON’T do for sex

This supports the hypothesis that these men are terrible in bed. I cannot think of a less attractive sentiment than “I want to have sex but I won’t do anything to help make sure you enjoy it”

Huh? I said it is not my problem, as in, my wife is really into sex and we have a great sex life. I don't think my wife "owes" me anything. (But maybe that's how the PP looks at relationships.) I just think it is lame that the PP here thinks it is reasonable to have her husband do more than his fair share in exchange for a (what I can only imagine is equally lame) sex life. Just glad it is not my problem.

I’m that PP. Happily, my husband doesn’t think my physical needs are “lame” and thinks meeting them is part of a healthy sex life.

Who is saying your physical needs are lame? What is lame is needing a vacation from life just to be in the mood.

A vacation from life? What are you talking about? I need enough sleep and to be in an orderly environment in order to feel turned on. Otherwise my mind wanders to my to-do list and I can’t get off. Sorry you think that’s a “vacation from life” but luckily for me my husband doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t going to enjoy it.

But now you're changing the argument. You were going on about your "physical needs" being met, and now you're talking about your to-do list. But needing the husband to clean the house and let the wife sleep late on the weekends just to be in the mood seems lame. I feel bad for the guy, but I guess he made his choice. Just glad I didn't marry someone who gets beaten down so easily by basic life stuff.

The physical needs are for sleep and order. Those are needs that must be met in order to be physically satisfied, so they are physical needs.

So far you have described me, a woman you have never met, as being anxious, lazy, “beaten down” are there any other names you’d like to call? No matter how long your list grows my husband still gets to have enthusiastic sex a few times a week...

Glad he's happy buying your enthusiasm by tidying up while you sleep in. Sounds like quite an arrangement!

If you think that’s bad you’ll love this — I sleep in almost every day and my husband has sex every day if he wants! Quite an arrangement, but we’re happy.

Does he put on a French maid outfit and vacuum your dust ruffles like PP’s husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

This is true from the guy’s perspective too. All this quid pro quo stuff is weird and unhealthy, and probably never works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

[Anonymous]

What is missing in all this "talk" is passion for your spouse. If you do the small things to make your spouse happy it leads to greater intimacy. Which is something we all want. Unfortunately life gets in way with job's, kids and the home.