Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

This really says it all. So many excuses in this thread and it really comes down to this. This whole thread should end on this note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

This really says it all. So many excuses in this thread and it really comes down to this. This whole thread should end on this note.

If it’s not that much work, why all the agony over a man doing it while a woman gets some rest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

This really says it all. So many excuses in this thread and it really comes down to this. This whole thread should end on this note.

If it’s not that much work, why all the agony over a man doing it while a woman gets some rest?

I don't really hear men in this thread agonizing. But in this and every other thread it is just this constant harping about the need for rest, when virtually everyone here is living very easy lives by almost any measure. I really don't get it. Maybe you need to get your thyroid checked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

This really says it all. So many excuses in this thread and it really comes down to this. This whole thread should end on this note.

If it’s not that much work, why all the agony over a man doing it while a woman gets some rest?

Yeah, cool. If it’s so easy then you do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

This really says it all. So many excuses in this thread and it really comes down to this. This whole thread should end on this note.

If it’s not that much work, why all the agony over a man doing it while a woman gets some rest?

Yeah, cool. If it’s so easy then you do it!

But she needs to sleep in! It's hard sending emails and surfing Instagram all day long.

[Anonymous]

I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ did you do that? How’s that going?

Yes and (amazingly) she "found" her libido

I asked my ex husband either open marriage or divorce. He chose divorce.
If I was your wife, my libido would only come back for another man. Your “solution” would lead to divorce in many situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Maybe but why would a woman ever marry this kind of man? How does it get past the 4th date?

Because women are taught sex is not that important. Well, it is. It was bad when dating. I am divorced. Also, he turned into a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

I’m sorry you’re going through this, and some kudos from an internet stranger— having an ill spouse is not easy and often not well understood.

I am the poster who sleeps in on Saturday morning while my husband handles the housework and takes our daughter to her lessons. I am not throwing away my sex life, my husband and I are making sure our sex life is enjoyable for both of us and making sure we continue to have a mutually enjoyable sex life, so I never turn into one of the women who just can’t stomach the idea of faking it one more time. I do have an intense, 60 hour/week job, but that isn’t relevant— what is relevant is what both parties need in order to make their ex life mutually fulfilling. For my husband that’s frequency. For me that’s enough rest. We both get what we need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there's another thread going here where one of the commenter was suggesting that sex was going to be contingent on the woman getting a massage or a pedicure, the husband arranging a sitter, and going out on a date night. Here there was a commenter talking about a 2 week vacation.

This isn't novel. These kinds of things get mentioned pretty much every time this subject crops up. What's never clear to me is whether the expectation is that this sort of free time and expenditure of money is more or less necessary every time the couple wants to have sex. Or is this something that will happen every once in awhile and enable the couple to maintain a regular sex life.

Because (say) 8 pedicures, date nights, and sitters a month -- let alone vacations -- sounds time consuming and expensive.

Look, I don’t get any pedicures, date nights, solo vacations or any of the stuff. What I do get is a husband who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops, steps up on childcare, is willing to discuss his feelings and my needs, and hash out bigger picture things to support me in my career and personal life. We have sex as much as he wants. When you have a good one, it just flows naturally.

Good to hear, and that sounds reasonable. Being considerate partners who work together to deal with life's challenges, like each other, and - as a result - enjoy having sex with one another sounds like the goal most couples should be working toward. And, you know - if one partner treats the other every so often or you go on a vacation here or there, that's going to hopefully turbo charge a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, the need for elaborate alone time and/or wining and dining before sex is ever on the table seems dysfunctional and expensive.

That’s a symptom of an overly stressed life. If your wife needs that you probably need to rethink the whole childcare/work situation, because she’s not happy.

But most of these people on here have pretty ordinary jobs, one or two kids, and ordinary sized homes. There is no reason to be so stressed and frazzled that you cannot even connect with your partner. I guess if you don't like the guy, that's one thing, but then you shouldn't have married him and had kids with him! But really, it's not that much work.

This really says it all. So many excuses in this thread and it really comes down to this. This whole thread should end on this note.

If it’s not that much work, why all the agony over a man doing it while a woman gets some rest?

x1000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?