Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

This forum made me laugh OP -- not at you -- but at myself. Both DH and I work outside the home. I didn't "get" I was "supposed" to make dinner until our great dd was about 10. Before then, my DH would pop a very unhealthy frozen noodle box in the microwave.

Then, dd became a star athlete and her coach told us she needed to eat healthy. So, I decided to take 1.5 hours out on a Sunday to make meals for the week. It doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't take much time. I can assure you your DH will appreciate it and it will improve your home life.

Try food in a crock pot:

1. soup
2. wrap foil around a ham, turkey, brisket, and just cook on low all day...voila..you have a nice meal
3. get a small Foreman grill -- cook steaks, chicken, whatever on it...only takes a few minutes and tastes great
4. make salad and put in a plastic tub...takes 2 minutes to refresh every other day...do the same with cut up veges -- makes a quick salad.
5. make noodles and keep in a tub...keeps fresh for 2 or 3 days...heat up in a microwave
6. have ground beef handy that is cooked...make tacos
7. make a quick meatloaf (either in stove or crockpot)
Good luck! It seems daunting at first but you can learn to enjoy it. I did and I'm no Suzy Homemaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

For AM nap, I shower, get dressed, make bed, wipe down high chair, vacuum DS breakfast mess, empty the dishwasher, load any bottles/dirty dishes, gather up dirty diapers and take out trash, put away laundry from night before and get a new load started, wipe down master bath (just a quick swish and swipe of toilet and sink) and powder room, reset the diaper bag for an outing (replenish snacks,clothes,diapers-throw out any trash/dirty clothes etc), put away DS's toys. For PM nap, I check email, mail, deal with any bills or paperwork, maybe call my mom, then I have about 30 mins to myself, where I could ostensibly prepare a meal.

All of these things are done EVERY DAY?

Not that pp. But what of the above wouldn't be done every day? All of that seems to be fairly minimal, basic stuff that you do every day to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think more broadly about the example you're setting for your child here. You're showing him that marriage isn't about working together, trying to be good to each other, etc., it's about staking out what you want to be responsible for and then refusing to go outside of it for the benefit of your marriage or your household. That's not really a recipe for a healthy relationship.

I get what you are saying, but in fact I am not comfortable with a model for my son where he seems mom doing all of the cooking and cleaning from morning until night, and runs the household, and her job is 24/7 while dad is off the clock once he gets in the door. I do all the cleaning-I have a really nicely kept house. Our sink doesn't have dirty dishes in it, our counters aren't sticky, our floors are swept, we always have clean clothes, our bathroom towels are always fresh, our cars are tidy, DS's toys are nicely kept and rotated, our bills are paid and paperwork is in order, our taxes are filed, etc. Before we had a kid, DH would go out for a breakfast burrito on Saturday, while I spent an hour on cleaning. I'm not resentful, I love having a nice guest-ready house, and so does DH. We often have guests over. But aside from cooking, I pretty much do everything, and I actually think DS should see dad doing some household stuff as well. DH isn't a natural cleaner-upper, so I don't think he's going to all of a sudden pitch in more on that front.

Then this is the issue - DH comes home and is "off the clock" and you aren't, right? Does he sit down, put his feet up and do nothing else for the rest of the evening? Here is how it should work, IMO: Surely you can carve out an hour in the late afternoon to put together a meal for the family. We have a one year old who doesn't eat much, but we sit down as a family and have dinner. I think most people would agree that you, as opposed to your husband, is in a better position to carve time out of the day to do this. Then, once DH gets home, you both are on the clock until things are done for the day. My DH and I both work outside the home, but at the end of the day we naturally split up the following "duties" (for lack of a better word) until everything is done, then we get rest time: dinner prep (me cuz I'm home earlier), baths for kids, bedtime routine for kids, kitchen clean up, make lunches for the next day, general picking up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum made me laugh OP -- not at you -- but at myself. Both DH and I work outside the home. I didn't "get" I was "supposed" to make dinner until our great dd was about 10. Before then, my DH would pop a very unhealthy frozen noodle box in the microwave.

Then, dd became a star athlete and her coach told us she needed to eat healthy. So, I decided to take 1.5 hours out on a Sunday to make meals for the week. It doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't take much time. I can assure you your DH will appreciate it and it will improve your home life.

Try food in a crock pot:

1. soup
2. wrap foil around a ham, turkey, brisket, and just cook on low all day...voila..you have a nice meal
3. get a small Foreman grill -- cook steaks, chicken, whatever on it...only takes a few minutes and tastes great
4. make salad and put in a plastic tub...takes 2 minutes to refresh every other day...do the same with cut up veges -- makes a quick salad.
5. make noodles and keep in a tub...keeps fresh for 2 or 3 days...heat up in a microwave
6. have ground beef handy that is cooked...make tacos
7. make a quick meatloaf (either in stove or crockpot)
Good luck! It seems daunting at first but you can learn to enjoy it. I did and I'm no Suzy Homemaker

I'm with you, spending some time over the weekend cooking is a lifesaver. If OP and her DH prepped a couple meals during a nap, the could do it together and make the week so much easier.

[Anonymous]

op, doesn't your child nap? At one my first was napping 4 hours a day still (9-11 and 2-4). My husband sure didn't get 4 hours "off"in the middle of each day. Of course I cooked every day. I still do with three kids.

I see part of my reason for being at home as making our home a great place to be. That doesn't mean throwing a potato at my family - but providing healthy meals. That starts at breakfast, I pack their lunches and I make dinner all week. Friday's we order pizza and Saturday we go out. My husband travels a ton and WAH when he isn't traveling- he eats leftovers for lunch when he isn't traveling. Even when he is out of town we have sit down dinners and real meals. I can't imagine what sort of eaters my kids would be if I just threw a bunch of random food at them each night. This isn't about "his" job or " my" jobs- it's about reality and about raising healthy kids. I'm the one at home. Take a cooking class, read cookbooks, do whatever it takes- but change your attitude about this. You are in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Wow. Just wow. You are useless. It's almost like abuse. Get a job if you are so useless. Humans need food and shelter. These are the two most basic needs. A potato or cheese doesn't cut it for feeding a family. Especially when you are HOME ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I'm a lawyer mom and I have cooked my family a hot meal almost every day of my 6-year marriage. I'd say your days are numbered as far as DH is concerned. My WAM sister in law does nothing like you and the whole family talks about how horrible of a,mother and wife she is. Her husband secretly told everyone he wants a divorce asap.

Agreed. OP is too precious on her child and uses that as an excuse to shirk her other responsibilities or not do the chores she doesn't deem fun.

She's a SAHM for crissake. Put some food on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum made me laugh OP -- not at you -- but at myself. Both DH and I work outside the home. I didn't "get" I was "supposed" to make dinner until our great dd was about 10. Before then, my DH would pop a very unhealthy frozen noodle box in the microwave.

Then, dd became a star athlete and her coach told us she needed to eat healthy. So, I decided to take 1.5 hours out on a Sunday to make meals for the week. It doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't take much time. I can assure you your DH will appreciate it and it will improve your home life.

Try food in a crock pot:

1. soup
2. wrap foil around a ham, turkey, brisket, and just cook on low all day...voila..you have a nice meal
3. get a small Foreman grill -- cook steaks, chicken, whatever on it...only takes a few minutes and tastes great
4. make salad and put in a plastic tub...takes 2 minutes to refresh every other day...do the same with cut up veges -- makes a quick salad.
5. make noodles and keep in a tub...keeps fresh for 2 or 3 days...heat up in a microwave
6. have ground beef handy that is cooked...make tacos
7. make a quick meatloaf (either in stove or crockpot)
Good luck! It seems daunting at first but you can learn to enjoy it. I did and I'm no Suzy Homemaker

I'm with you, spending some time over the weekend cooking is a lifesaver. If OP and her DH prepped a couple meals during a nap, the could do it together and make the week so much easier.

NP here. How can you possibly plan meals and prep/cook them in the time a toddler takes a nap? Weekends are precious to me so we don't do that. I also am happier to eat frozen/prepared foods but feel pressure to cook something better for DH. He is a good cook and enjoys it so I try, but I freaking hate cooking and suck at it. I'd bake him cookies every damn day if he wanted, but cooking blows. Two worst things about kids: putting them to sleep and cooking them food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op, doesn't your child nap? At one my first was napping 4 hours a day still (9-11 and 2-4). My husband sure didn't get 4 hours "off"in the middle of each day. Of course I cooked every day. I still do with three kids.

I see part of my reason for being at home as making our home a great place to be. That doesn't mean throwing a potato at my family - but providing healthy meals. That starts at breakfast, I pack their lunches and I make dinner all week. Friday's we order pizza and Saturday we go out. My husband travels a ton and WAH when he isn't traveling- he eats leftovers for lunch when he isn't traveling. Even when he is out of town we have sit down dinners and real meals. I can't imagine what sort of eaters my kids would be if I just threw a bunch of random food at them each night. This isn't about "his" job or " my" jobs- it's about reality and about raising healthy kids. I'm the one at home. Take a cooking class, read cookbooks, do whatever it takes- but change your attitude about this. You are in the wrong here.

If the child is napping that much during the day then the child is probably up on and off during the night. When my kids were on a schedule like that I did things around the house and then took a little nap. When you are on 24/7 you get breaks throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you that cooking/planning/shopping is a tedious chore. That said, it's necessary, so we've found ways to work it into our schedule so that it's not so challenging.

Sunday afternoon during nap time, we go through the pantry/fridge and throw out any old leftovers/expired things. Then we come up with 3 meals for the week, and make a list of ingredients needed. I also put anything for lunches, household things, etc on there.

When DS wakes up from his nap, we alternate weeks of who takes him to the grocery store and knocks out the list. The other one does some other errand at home (or enjoys an hour of quiet!) The next weekend we switch who goes. DS loves the grocery store, and it's nice to have routine.

During the week, it's so much easier to prep stuff if there is a plan and you don't have to think. I don't usually start dinner prep until DH comes home, because one of us needs to watch DS, but then we'll "barter" for the job. "If I cook, will you watch DS and do dishes?" "If I do dishes and bath time, will you cook?"

Sounds like there's just a huge mismatch of expectations here. TALK. Figure out a solution that works for both of you. There is a huge range between "1950s housewife" and "fend for yourself".

I don't get this. Why does one need to "watch" the baby 100% of the time to the point that you can't prep a meal? It is good for a baby to have some independent play time -- get a play pen or gate off a childproofed room or if you have space let them play with pots and pans/tupperware while you are in the kitchen (depending on your space and what you are doing). And, if the baby can't tolerate being unstimulated by the parent for 15 minutes then he really needs to learn.

NP here. I've never met a 1-year-old who could entertain himself for more than a few minutes at a time. Any time I tried to cook the baby would scream non-stop from behind a gate the entire time until cooking became an unbearable task. Like the pp, I couldn't cook dinner until dh had come home and it stayed that way until the kids were several years old.

SERIOUSLY?? You can't cook while watching a one year old? News flash, many many people do it every day. I come home from my job and cook almost every night while watching my one year old. It is NOT hard.

[Anonymous]

It's not so bad. I had no notion of cooking when I had my first child and decided to stay at home. I started with easy recipes and asking my mom to show me how to make my favorite dishes. Costco has awesome salad kits. One day you can bake pork chops and serve them with a big salad. Or make a salad and top it with grilled or roasted chicken (both super easy). Pasta is a winner also, just find a sauce you like and serve it with a cucumber salad and garlic bread. Soup is also simple. I make soup once a week with any veggies I have in the fridge (carrots, celery, cauliflower, spinach, peppers, cabbage, etc, etc.) I then add leeks and pureed cilantro and let the veggies cook with some type of bouillon or stock for flavor. Then, when everything is nice and cooked I add a bit of small pasta, a bit of quinoa and a can of whatever beans I have. I cook for an additional 10 minutes and it is delicious. I serve it with garlic bread and avocado slices. You can also sprinkle some white cheese (fresh cheese) on top. It really shouldn't take you more than an hour to do a meal from beginning to end. You'll want to feed your child healthy as he gets older. I cook 3-4 times per week, we eat out or do something fast like dumplings/nuggets the rest of the days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum made me laugh OP -- not at you -- but at myself. Both DH and I work outside the home. I didn't "get" I was "supposed" to make dinner until our great dd was about 10. Before then, my DH would pop a very unhealthy frozen noodle box in the microwave.

Then, dd became a star athlete and her coach told us she needed to eat healthy. So, I decided to take 1.5 hours out on a Sunday to make meals for the week. It doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't take much time. I can assure you your DH will appreciate it and it will improve your home life.

Try food in a crock pot:

1. soup
2. wrap foil around a ham, turkey, brisket, and just cook on low all day...voila..you have a nice meal
3. get a small Foreman grill -- cook steaks, chicken, whatever on it...only takes a few minutes and tastes great
4. make salad and put in a plastic tub...takes 2 minutes to refresh every other day...do the same with cut up veges -- makes a quick salad.
5. make noodles and keep in a tub...keeps fresh for 2 or 3 days...heat up in a microwave
6. have ground beef handy that is cooked...make tacos
7. make a quick meatloaf (either in stove or crockpot)
Good luck! It seems daunting at first but you can learn to enjoy it. I did and I'm no Suzy Homemaker

I'm with you, spending some time over the weekend cooking is a lifesaver. If OP and her DH prepped a couple meals during a nap, the could do it together and make the week so much easier.

NP here. How can you possibly plan meals and prep/cook them in the time a toddler takes a nap? Weekends are precious to me so we don't do that. I also am happier to eat frozen/prepared foods but feel pressure to cook something better for DH. He is a good cook and enjoys it so I try, but I freaking hate cooking and suck at it. I'd bake him cookies every damn day if he wanted, but cooking blows. Two worst things about kids: putting them to sleep and cooking them food.

That's the difference.

It's not like you can meal plan, shop, and cook during one nap. I usually take a few minutes to plan/make the list during the week and then we shop Sunday morning. DD goes down for a nap after grocery shopping for about an hour and fifteen minute nap. Last weekend in that time I made turkey meatloaf muffins, ground beef for tacos, and had a white bean chicken chili simmering. And had time to clean up. When she napped during the afternoon, I took one too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

For AM nap, I shower, get dressed, make bed, wipe down high chair, vacuum DS breakfast mess, empty the dishwasher, load any bottles/dirty dishes, gather up dirty diapers and take out trash, put away laundry from night before and get a new load started, wipe down master bath (just a quick swish and swipe of toilet and sink) and powder room, reset the diaper bag for an outing (replenish snacks,clothes,diapers-throw out any trash/dirty clothes etc), put away DS's toys. For PM nap, I check email, mail, deal with any bills or paperwork, maybe call my mom, then I have about 30 mins to myself, where I could ostensibly prepare a meal.

All of these things are done EVERY DAY?

Not that pp. But what of the above wouldn't be done every day? All of that seems to be fairly minimal, basic stuff that you do every day to me.

I'm pretty sure the other PP was being sarcastic and making precisely that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

For AM nap, I shower, get dressed, make bed, wipe down high chair, vacuum DS breakfast mess, empty the dishwasher, load any bottles/dirty dishes, gather up dirty diapers and take out trash, put away laundry from night before and get a new load started, wipe down master bath (just a quick swish and swipe of toilet and sink) and powder room, reset the diaper bag for an outing (replenish snacks,clothes,diapers-throw out any trash/dirty clothes etc), put away DS's toys. For PM nap, I check email, mail, deal with any bills or paperwork, maybe call my mom, then I have about 30 mins to myself, where I could ostensibly prepare a meal.

All of these things are done EVERY DAY?

Not that pp. But what of the above wouldn't be done every day? All of that seems to be fairly minimal, basic stuff that you do every day to me.

I'm pretty sure the other PP was being sarcastic and making precisely that point.

If you can't/don't want to meal plan and cook with a one year old around, then do all the morning stuff when the one year old is awake. He/she can "help" (give him a paper towel to "wipe" cabinets) or just let him play in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you that cooking/planning/shopping is a tedious chore. That said, it's necessary, so we've found ways to work it into our schedule so that it's not so challenging.

Sunday afternoon during nap time, we go through the pantry/fridge and throw out any old leftovers/expired things. Then we come up with 3 meals for the week, and make a list of ingredients needed. I also put anything for lunches, household things, etc on there.

When DS wakes up from his nap, we alternate weeks of who takes him to the grocery store and knocks out the list. The other one does some other errand at home (or enjoys an hour of quiet!) The next weekend we switch who goes. DS loves the grocery store, and it's nice to have routine.

During the week, it's so much easier to prep stuff if there is a plan and you don't have to think. I don't usually start dinner prep until DH comes home, because one of us needs to watch DS, but then we'll "barter" for the job. "If I cook, will you watch DS and do dishes?" "If I do dishes and bath time, will you cook?"

Sounds like there's just a huge mismatch of expectations here. TALK. Figure out a solution that works for both of you. There is a huge range between "1950s housewife" and "fend for yourself".

I don't get this. Why does one need to "watch" the baby 100% of the time to the point that you can't prep a meal? It is good for a baby to have some independent play time -- get a play pen or gate off a childproofed room or if you have space let them play with pots and pans/tupperware while you are in the kitchen (depending on your space and what you are doing). And, if the baby can't tolerate being unstimulated by the parent for 15 minutes then he really needs to learn.

NP here. I've never met a 1-year-old who could entertain himself for more than a few minutes at a time. Any time I tried to cook the baby would scream non-stop from behind a gate the entire time until cooking became an unbearable task. Like the pp, I couldn't cook dinner until dh had come home and it stayed that way until the kids were several years old.

SERIOUSLY?? You can't cook while watching a one year old? News flash, many many people do it every day. I come home from my job and cook almost every night while watching my one year old. It is NOT hard.

First PP here (one who said I don't start until DH comes home). Could I cook without him? Sure--and I do it frequently if he's working late, or is out of town, or DS is clearly melting down and we're going to have dinner early. I have a learning tower for him to stand in, and will set him up "doing the dishes" while I prep food, or he'll help stir. It's just easier not to have to worry about him touching the stove or grabbing for my knife while I'm prepping, and since DH usually gets home before 5, it's not a huge deal to wait for him.

[Anonymous]

We both work, but I do most of the cooking (my husband contributes in lots of other ways). I do most of it in advance, at night after our kid is asleep - e.g. make stews, soups, pasta dishes that can be quickly reheated the following evening (or evenings - often we'll eat the same thing for 2-3 nights in a row). We supplement with take-out, Trader Joe's frozen stuff, etc. You or your husband could easily do this.