Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

I had a 4 yo and a baby when I stayed home and I cooked dinner.

all
the
time

It's not that hard. And yes, we ate as a family on most nights.

I don't understand why you don't consider your husband your family.

I don't think meals are your biggest issue.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have a SAHP, but if I did, he or she would do absolutely everything domestic between 7 am and 7 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have a SAHP, but if I did, he or she would do absolutely everything domestic between 7 am and 7 pm.

You probably wouldn't have a spouse, period, would you dear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But on the bright side, with this attitude she'll probably end up divorced within 10 years, and then she never has to worry about cooking for him again. And no unequal division of labor, because everything divided by one is still everything.

That's probably exactly what she is hoping for. So she can get half her DH's assets along with his child support and possibly alimony.

Probably not. Child support and alimony aren't going to provide her with a more luxurious lifestyle than she's living now, which is what she ultimately seems to be after.

Ah, but you forget about the new Sugar Daddy she'll soon have after the divorce. The old husband will be paying for all the basics and the new guy will shower her with the luxury.

Who's going to marry some Diet Coke cracker eater with a kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

What about food for other meals? Milk, breakfast foods etc. snacks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But on the bright side, with this attitude she'll probably end up divorced within 10 years, and then she never has to worry about cooking for him again. And no unequal division of labor, because everything divided by one is still everything.

That's probably exactly what she is hoping for. So she can get half her DH's assets along with his child support and possibly alimony.

Probably not. Child support and alimony aren't going to provide her with a more luxurious lifestyle than she's living now, which is what she ultimately seems to be after.

Ah, but you forget about the new Sugar Daddy she'll soon have after the divorce. The old husband will be paying for all the basics and the new guy will shower her with the luxury.

Who's going to marry some Diet Coke cracker eater with a kid?

Chill. It's Diet Coke. And crackers. Not Crack and Cheetos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

What about food for other meals? Milk, breakfast foods etc. snacks?

Yes, the actual list is longer, but the point is that there's a certain set of stuff that I buy every week. It takes some of the work out of meal planning for a full week. You can change up the exact vegetables to avoid boredom, but the basic plan still holds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

Np, and a vegetarian. This is more or less our list too, minus the meat, plus tofu and dried beans. This is you really need. I cook/prepare 19 out of 21 meals and I work and I have two kids under 5. The trick is to stay simple, one pot, and not give into pickiness.

[Anonymous]

A block of cheese, a loaf of bread, some vegetables, yogurt, dried beans and tofu....hmmm. Just try to feed teenage boys off of that list - hahaha.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A block of cheese, a loaf of bread, some vegetables, yogurt, dried beans and tofu....hmmm. Just try to feed teenage boys off of that list - hahaha.

EXACTLY. This person either has kids who eat breakfast and lunch at school every day or like…and infant on formula. PLEASE>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

I worked in an office. Long hours often no lunch break. I came home cooked dinner, did laundry and I cleaned the house on the weekends. Then I quit work to SAH with my first born. Staying home with an infant kicked my butt. He had colic and was up every 2 hours. I can not even begin to describe the level of pure exhaustion..

When I worked I had my quiet times where I knew that I could count on having time to think and focus on the work in front of me. Staying at home with a baby means that you are on their schedule . On paper it looks like you get an awful lot of down time. In reality you are exhausted from being "on" all the time. Couldn't call in sick, couldn't take a day off. When my 2nd came along I was lucky to get a shower in. Thankfully my husband "got it" and was willing to help out with the cooking as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

I worked in an office. Long hours often no lunch break. I came home cooked dinner, did laundry and I cleaned the house on the weekends. Then I quit work to SAH with my first born. Staying home with an infant kicked my butt. He had colic and was up every 2 hours. I can not even begin to describe the level of pure exhaustion..

When I worked I had my quiet times where I knew that I could count on having time to think and focus on the work in front of me. Staying at home with a baby means that you are on their schedule . On paper it looks like you get an awful lot of down time. In reality you are exhausted from being "on" all the time. Couldn't call in sick, couldn't take a day off. When my 2nd came along I was lucky to get a shower in. Thankfully my husband "got it" and was willing to help out with the cooking as needed.

I agree with this. I woh now, and life is much easier for me than when I was at home full time with 2 little kids. I think it depends on the work you do (high stress versus just regular stress), as well as the temperament of your children (do they have health issues, are they 'high-needs'/'spirited', etc.?), as well as your support network (how available is your spouse, do you have family nearby that can assist from time to time). For me, being at home was actually far more stressful than being at work. I actually cook everyday now and workout too, because when I come home (5:30), I'm not so emotionally drained as I was when I was at home all day. Plus I have a nanny that preps for me so cooking is done in 20-30 mins. The patience you need for two small kids is very high. So I don't doubt that it is difficult, OP, especially if cooking is not something you inherently love. However, you'll have to figure out how to carve out 30-45 mins a day to make something, at least Mon-Thurs, because your DH is not there to get anything started, and eventually you will need to eat as a family. When I was a SAHM, making dinner was actually the *first* thing I did when I had the two kids occupied (usually baby was napping and toddler was coloring), so it was always done. Then I tried to get the rest of it done in 5 min increments (laundry, general clean up, etc.). My rationale for this was meals were important, for everyone, so that took #1 priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

Yeah. That must be the reason my husband was dying to go back to work after one week at home during winter break....