Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

[Anonymous]

"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

[Anonymous]

It's hard cooking a meal with a kid that age. I have an 11 mo old and 3 yr old and dh and I usually pull some kind of meal together when he gets home. Do what works for your family but you and your husband need to get on the same page re: expectations around the house bc they don't seem in sync. Have a conversation w him. Also, roles change as the kids grow. I'm also a sahm and dh and I agree that all of the home upkeep shouldn't fall on me just bc I'm Home. I'm busy all day chasing after our two kids. However, I take on more or less depending on how high maintenance the kids are what I feel able and willing to do to keep up the home at different phases has been an evolving role for me.

[Anonymous]

So what are you going to do when you do have a school aged kid? What did you do before kids?
I find dinner to be such a social and reconnect time. But I also like to cook and grew up in a Household obsessed with proper dinner and at least 3 dishes on the table.
A baked potato can be dinner. Make that and add bowls of cheese and sour cream and green onions. Bacon if you have it. Done.

[Anonymous]

No, it isn't your "job" to cook him dinner.

But would it be nice to throw two baked potatoes together, a salad and two diet cokes so you can sit and chat when he gets home (him about his day and you about yours?)? Yes.

It's not a dinner party and I don't think your husband expects that level of preparedness. A bowl of pasta? A Costco chicken and some veggies? I think you keep it simple as you would for yourself but you put a little oomph into it for him too.

Signed, sahm of twins who "cooked" dinner every night (and still does!). ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it doesn't take long to put food on the table. I wouldn't expect it every night, but most nights the stay at home parent should be able to rustle up a meal.

[Anonymous]

It is for me. When we both worked full-time, DH did the vast majority of the cooking. He liked it more than I did, and he didn't mind the time crunch shuffle. When I started SAH, we talked & decided it made sense if I did the cooking M-F (with some exceptions), for the simple fact that I had the time.

I never thought I would, but I love it. I love the meal planning (mostly ), the process of cooking, and eating as a family. I never don't like what we're having for dinner, because I choose pretty much everything. This is something I had to work on--it didn't come immediately--but I think it's important to find a method that works for you.

That said, a baked potato bar doesn't sound fun for me. But why not dear up some meat or veggies to go with that baked potato? It takes less than 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

It is for me, but then I was the one who cooked when I worked out of the house too. Do you want to learn how to cook? Your post sounds a little angry so I can't really tell. If you do, there are lots of services that can help, from websites that will send you weekly meal plan ideas and shopping lists (like this: http://www.thescramble.com/) to ones like Blue Apron that will send you the food and recipes ready to cook.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm more worried about your eating disorder than your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Your 12 month old will grow up quicker than you assume, so throwing him applesauce, grapes, and peas won't fly in a short time when he will need real meals, and healthy ones at that. Yes, cooking dinner is part of your "job" as Sahm just by virtue of the fact that you have more time to get it on the table. Start putting more effort now so you get some practice and it won't be so hard or daunting. Come up with a small rotation of meals that are easy yet balanced. Throw a pot roast with a bag of carrots in the crockpot on monday. Have black beans and tortillas and guacamole for an "assemble your own taco" on Tuesday. Buy a rotisserie chicken and a bag of frozen broccoli on Wednesday. Leftover chicken sandwiches on Thursday with a salad. Etc. there's "cooking" Julia child style and there's getting dinner on the table. Obviously a lot in the middle, but get dinner on the table, mama. Order it if you have to. But this fend for your self stuff will lead to a lot of isolation.

It's the least you can do for your family.

[Anonymous]

Wow. my husband gets home from work 2 hours earlier than me (his job is less demanding in terms of hours) and I expect him to have made something for dinner. Otherwise we'd be eating at 8 pm every night, which doesn't work with a 6 year old. Nothing fancy - baked potatoes and salad would be fine. But it does seem to me that the person who is at the house earlier should cook something.

[Anonymous]

Anything is fine as long as everyone is happy with the arrangement. Maybe you can agree to cooking 2 nights a week..and then fill in with (ie) rotisserie chicken, veggies and a loaf of bread that you or DH can pick up. Also your child's eating will change a lot soon. Will he get diet coke and a baked potato? If he is getting more of a meal, it make sense to just have one meal for all. Make a calendar..Monday and Wednesday are your nights to take care of a meal. Tuesday everyone grabs what they want. Thursday and Friday he is in charge of picking something up on his way home. Saturday you go out. Sunday is leftovers. Whatever works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

Why is it shitty though? We are both working all day. We start our days at the same time, around 6 am. Except his job involves going to the office. My job involves the work of caring for the child (and prepping 4 meals a day for him btw). When we were both working at an office -a mere 11 months ago-there wasn't the expectation that I make meals 5x per week. We both just managed-went out, grabbed something on the way home, each of cooked when we felt like etc. but now that my "workplace" is in the house I am in charge of dinner every night...

I do keep the house spotless and do all the cleaning, just because I like a clean house, but in theory I think that should also be a shared responsibility.

I could see once our son starts spending a few hours a day in school or pre-k, but right now we are "working" the same hours (6pm is when baby goes down and when DS goes to sleep). So why isn't dinner a shared responsibility?