Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

Why is it shitty though? We are both working all day. We start our days at the same time, around 6 am. Except his job involves going to the office. My job involves the work of caring for the child (and prepping 4 meals a day for him btw). When we were both working at an office -a mere 11 months ago-there wasn't the expectation that I make meals 5x per week. We both just managed-went out, grabbed something on the way home, each of cooked when we felt like etc. but now that my "workplace" is in the house I am in charge of dinner every night...

I do keep the house spotless and do all the cleaning, just because I like a clean house, but in theory I think that should also be a shared responsibility.

I could see once our son starts spending a few hours a day in school or pre-k, but right now we are "working" the same hours (6pm is when baby goes down and when DS goes to sleep). So why isn't dinner a shared responsibility?

You can't throw some stuff in a crock pot during the day?
Yes, you're both working the same hours, but you are in the house all day. It seems fair that responsibilities would shift a bit. Maybe your husband could pick up a task that you previously handled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Feeding your kid nutritiously is part of that job. As someone else already said, toddler meals only last through toddlerhood.
And toddlers can eat "real meals" too. There is great value in getting your young child used to sitting down and eating a balanced meal as soon as possible.
Probably the one area of SAHM life that I fully embraced was dinner prep (vaccuming-not so much). My 3 kids really appreciate good food, have always sat down to dinner with veggies, salad, all varieties of food. Now that they are busy students and athletes, I see them preparing their own balanced nutritious lunches and asking for "lots of protein" at dinner or "an extra vegetable" for more vitamins, putting mangos and almond milk on the shopping list. It all sunk in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

Why is it shitty though? We are both working all day. We start our days at the same time, around 6 am. Except his job involves going to the office. My job involves the work of caring for the child (and prepping 4 meals a day for him btw). When we were both working at an office -a mere 11 months ago-there wasn't the expectation that I make meals 5x per week. We both just managed-went out, grabbed something on the way home, each of cooked when we felt like etc. but now that my "workplace" is in the house I am in charge of dinner every night...

I do keep the house spotless and do all the cleaning, just because I like a clean house, but in theory I think that should also be a shared responsibility.

I could see once our son starts spending a few hours a day in school or pre-k, but right now we are "working" the same hours (6pm is when baby goes down and when DS goes to sleep). So why isn't dinner a shared responsibility?

I see your point since the dynamic before was pretty independent. I started cooking for my husband as soon as we were married but before we had kids because I liked it, so it was natural for me to keep that job. I did take on a few things that were independent before, like his laundry. He has also taken over things for me as a family since it falls more naturally on him. I think you guys just need to communicate.

And it is not a crime to have a few meals put together and then have nights where he can scrounge for leftovers or cereal. But definitely if you are food shopping, pick up things he asks for or replenish the things he likes so that at least he doesn't have to go out shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

Why is it shitty though? We are both working all day. We start our days at the same time, around 6 am. Except his job involves going to the office. My job involves the work of caring for the child (and prepping 4 meals a day for him btw). When we were both working at an office -a mere 11 months ago-there wasn't the expectation that I make meals 5x per week. We both just managed-went out, grabbed something on the way home, each of cooked when we felt like etc. but now that my "workplace" is in the house I am in charge of dinner every night...

I do keep the house spotless and do all the cleaning, just because I like a clean house, but in theory I think that should also be a shared responsibility.

I could see once our son starts spending a few hours a day in school or pre-k, but right now we are "working" the same hours (6pm is when baby goes down and when DS goes to sleep). So why isn't dinner a shared responsibility?

Try this: "Honey, we need to talk."

Also, +1 on the eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

I can't just throw something in a crockpot if I don't plan a meal and shop for something to throw in, no. In my view, cooking requires meal planning and grocery shopping.

[Anonymous]

So you feel like you are both working and that your day is just as long as his. I agree, except that I think cooking is part of your work. Do you mean to tell me that you think your only job is to focus on your son for 12 hours a day? Come on now. I WOH and I cook 4 nights a week simply because I get home first, even though that means I've picked the kids up from day care. My husband cooks one night a week because he gets home first, even though he's picked the kids up from day care. Yes, because your workplace is your house, you are in charge of dinner.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids, so I understand that being a SAHM is a real job. However, being home, for at least part of that time makes you the default one for meal prep.

From your post, you clearly don't care about what you eat, but don't you want your husband to have something healthy to eat? Its really not difficult to even prep some meat or chicken and throw some potatoes in the oven - should take less than 10 mins. I don't think your husband wants or needs anything fancy.

Taking care of a baby is hard but babies sleep and babies that age (I have an 11 m.o.) can play on the floor for 10 mins by themselves, so other than you not wanting to make dinner, you really cant use the baby as an excuse.

Honestly, you sound bitter and angry with him for even asking that you cook. Maybe explore what your real issue is.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM to 3 kids (previously a WOH mom until shortly after the 3rd was born). DH misses dinner quite a bit and I don't always save a plate, and I definitely don't cook just for him. I do however, always make sure that we have plenty of groceries on hand because it kind of stinks for anyone to have to go back out late at night to get food.

[Anonymous]

PP here

If the problem is meal planning and shopping, why don't you work on that together?

Sit down together and make a meal plan on Sunday for the week. He can stop at the store on his way home Monday and you will have all the ingredients you need. This will put part of the work (the harder part IMO) in his hands and you don't have to drag baby to the store.

Then, all you have to do is some chopping and turning on the oven or stove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you feel like you are both working and that your day is just as long as his. I agree, except that I think cooking is part of your work. Do you mean to tell me that you think your only job is to focus on your son for 12 hours a day? Come on now. I WOH and I cook 4 nights a week simply because I get home first, even though that means I've picked the kids up from day care. My husband cooks one night a week because he gets home first, even though he's picked the kids up from day care. Yes, because your workplace is your house, you are in charge of dinner.

I appreciate your opinion and yes, I do feel like the sole focus of 12 hours is taking care of my son. If I hired a nanny that would be the nanny's focus too. I know you can pay a nanny to do various things beyond childcare (meal prep etc) but basically a nanny is responsible for the care of the child and associated tasks and the parents share the rest of the household responsibilities, no?

I'm enjoying reading the diverse responses and good suggestions too-nice/helpful to hear what works for other families. No eating disorder but thank you de the concern.

[Anonymous]

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. We are heading into the empty nest with two in college and one high school student still at home. It seems very weird to be making a full dinner every night once it's just the two of us at home, and even now our teen is mostly out and about, getting home late from various activities, etc. Yet my DH still expects a meat, a starch and two veg every night. Just like my father did. When does the 'making dinner' gig end anyway? Do I have to do it until I"m 80 years old? Every night? It has gotten really old.

[Anonymous]

I don't SAH. I'm a teacher and I have school-related work when I get home as well as family and household duties. So a second and third shift. I also have multiple chronic illnesses. I still cook dinner 90% of the time. I do it because I love my partner (who works as hard as I do if not harder) and my kids. I know I'm going to do it and I plan ahead through grocery shopping and meal prep on weekends. Sometimes dinner IS baked potatoes with a toppings bar. No diet cokes though. Other days, it's soup and good bread. Sometimes that soup is from a can and I embellish it with a fresh herbs swirled in. If I'm feeling really great, I make something ambitious from scratch. If I feel really ill, I order in Chinese before I go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

Why is it shitty though? We are both working all day. We start our days at the same time, around 6 am. Except his job involves going to the office. My job involves the work of caring for the child (and prepping 4 meals a day for him btw). When we were both working at an office -a mere 11 months ago-there wasn't the expectation that I make meals 5x per week. We both just managed-went out, grabbed something on the way home, each of cooked when we felt like etc. but now that my "workplace" is in the house I am in charge of dinner every night...

I do keep the house spotless and do all the cleaning, just because I like a clean house, but in theory I think that should also be a shared responsibility.

I could see once our son starts spending a few hours a day in school or pre-k, but right now we are "working" the same hours (6pm is when baby goes down and when DS goes to sleep). So why isn't dinner a shared responsibility?

Well you are shitty at your job. No ,taking care of a 12 month old is really, truly not that hard. And if it is, you need help like a therapist or parenting classes or go back to work. It should not overwhelm you to the extent it does. And yes, I am a mom who has btdt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

I agree. Putting a balanced meal on the table at night is another part of why I am at home. We didn't want two people rushing in at night with no dinner/no family meal. (not AT ALL saying that is what two working parents have, that is what we would have had due to our particular hours/circumstances/travel). So part of why I am home is to allow us sit down/family dinners IN ADDITION to raising our three kids. I cook every afternoon, the kids help. It's fun.