Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, doesn't your child nap? At one my first was napping 4 hours a day still (9-11 and 2-4). My husband sure didn't get 4 hours "off"in the middle of each day. Of course I cooked every day. I still do with three kids.

I see part of my reason for being at home as making our home a great place to be. That doesn't mean throwing a potato at my family - but providing healthy meals. That starts at breakfast, I pack their lunches and I make dinner all week. Friday's we order pizza and Saturday we go out. My husband travels a ton and WAH when he isn't traveling- he eats leftovers for lunch when he isn't traveling. Even when he is out of town we have sit down dinners and real meals. I can't imagine what sort of eaters my kids would be if I just threw a bunch of random food at them each night. This isn't about "his" job or " my" jobs- it's about reality and about raising healthy kids. I'm the one at home. Take a cooking class, read cookbooks, do whatever it takes- but change your attitude about this. You are in the wrong here.

If the child is napping that much during the day then the child is probably up on and off during the night. When my kids were on a schedule like that I did things around the house and then took a little nap. When you are on 24/7 you get breaks throughout the day.

No, he wasn't. He transitioned to one nap at 18 months. I just had great sleepers. The idea that Mom's are "on" 24/7 is stupid and only embraced my Mommy-Martyrs. Life with one baby (who doesn't have colic) is very, very easy. Sorry but it just is. Been there, done that. Life with school age kids is super easy (I'm living it). Even with three kids who weren't yet school aged I managed to get a meal on the table every weeknight, if you think that it's impossible thousands of years and millions of women prove you wrong. If you are a Mom who believes that you are so "ON" 24/7 that you can't throw a meal in the crock pot or stir fry something or grill some meat and roast some vegetables, you are doing the SAHM, or even just the "M" thing wrong and need to learn how to multi task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, doesn't your child nap? At one my first was napping 4 hours a day still (9-11 and 2-4). My husband sure didn't get 4 hours "off"in the middle of each day. Of course I cooked every day. I still do with three kids.

I see part of my reason for being at home as making our home a great place to be. That doesn't mean throwing a potato at my family - but providing healthy meals. That starts at breakfast, I pack their lunches and I make dinner all week. Friday's we order pizza and Saturday we go out. My husband travels a ton and WAH when he isn't traveling- he eats leftovers for lunch when he isn't traveling. Even when he is out of town we have sit down dinners and real meals. I can't imagine what sort of eaters my kids would be if I just threw a bunch of random food at them each night. This isn't about "his" job or " my" jobs- it's about reality and about raising healthy kids. I'm the one at home. Take a cooking class, read cookbooks, do whatever it takes- but change your attitude about this. You are in the wrong here.

If the child is napping that much during the day then the child is probably up on and off during the night. When my kids were on a schedule like that I did things around the house and then took a little nap. When you are on 24/7 you get breaks throughout the day.

No, he wasn't. He transitioned to one nap at 18 months. I just had great sleepers. The idea that Mom's are "on" 24/7 is stupid and only embraced my Mommy-Martyrs. Life with one baby (who doesn't have colic) is very, very easy. Sorry but it just is. Been there, done that. Life with school age kids is super easy (I'm living it). Even with three kids who weren't yet school aged I managed to get a meal on the table every weeknight, if you think that it's impossible thousands of years and millions of women prove you wrong. If you are a Mom who believes that you are so "ON" 24/7 that you can't throw a meal in the crock pot or stir fry something or grill some meat and roast some vegetables, you are doing the SAHM, or even just the "M" thing wrong and need to learn how to multi task.

YOUR kid was a great sleeper and a great napper. Not all kids are. Usually even the good sleepers wake up before sunrise, take a nap and then need to be watched, fed, entertained, bathed, changed, put to bed in the evening. So if the working spouse gets home in time to help out with dinner, the working spouse should help out. It would be kind of craxy to walk in the door, see your spouse feeding/bathing/changing a toddler and say "Hi, honey, What are you making me for dinner?"

[Anonymous]

WOHM here. OP's list of priorities--while extensive--seem out of whack. We all love a clean house, and I personally would welcome the chance to vacuum the kitchen floor every single day. But if not everything can get done, you have to prioritize what is most important to the family, not to yourself.

Providing a healthy dinner is probably the #1 best thing any spouse/parent can provide for their family. It creates family time, it saves money, it's healthy and it "nourishes" more than just the body. I work outside the home and still manage to cook dinner (or reheat leftovers!) almost every night. Take-out food and meals out are so rare that they are truly treats. Fast food is so, so rare that we honestly take pleasure in it as a guilty pleasure when on the road, etc.

I'd say dinner on the table, a well-stocked fridge/pantry, a generally clean house and enough clean laundry to last a few days are the basics. Everything else--including daily vacuming and bathroom cleaning--needs to be done on weekends/as possible. Yes, your house needs to be clean, but not spotless.

OP sounds like she values the clean-clean house more than anything else, and prioritizes that above dinner. Which is fine if that works for your family, but I think a lot of spouses and children would expect, want and appreciate dinner from the SAHP more than anything else they do.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I understand how children work, Ive been a SAHM for 8 years. Are you implying that her child never naps? Or that her child is completely incapable of independent play? If both are true then she is doing a shit job of parenting besides just not cooking, as a one year should be both sleeping and capable of independent play/have a safe space/playroom/a baby proofed kitchen where they can bang some pots and pans together while Mom cooks.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOHM here. OP's list of priorities--while extensive--seem out of whack. We all love a clean house, and I personally would welcome the chance to vacuum the kitchen floor every single day. But if not everything can get done, you have to prioritize what is most important to the family, not to yourself.

Providing a healthy dinner is probably the #1 best thing any spouse/parent can provide for their family. It creates family time, it saves money, it's healthy and it "nourishes" more than just the body. I work outside the home and still manage to cook dinner (or reheat leftovers!) almost every night. Take-out food and meals out are so rare that they are truly treats. Fast food is so, so rare that we honestly take pleasure in it as a guilty pleasure when on the road, etc.

I'd say dinner on the table, a well-stocked fridge/pantry, a generally clean house and enough clean laundry to last a few days are the basics. Everything else--including daily vacuming and bathroom cleaning--needs to be done on weekends/as possible. Yes, your house needs to be clean, but not spotless.

OP sounds like she values the clean-clean house more than anything else, and prioritizes that above dinner. Which is fine if that works for your family, but I think a lot of spouses and children would expect, want and appreciate dinner from the SAHP more than anything else they do.

I think this is true. Frankly, cleaning can be outsourced fairly cheaply and many people do that. It is much harder to replicate a home cooked meal and I do think it has a much more emotional component to it than cleaning. Many people associate food with being taken care of and have memories related to food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I understand how children work, Ive been a SAHM for 8 years. Are you implying that her child never naps? Or that her child is completely incapable of independent play? If both are true then she is doing a shit job of parenting besides just not cooking, as a one year should be both sleeping and capable of independent play/have a safe space/playroom/a baby proofed kitchen where they can bang some pots and pans together while Mom cooks.

I have a one year old who doesn't nap! I have tried! My other kids had great nap schedules but this child is so different. Anyway, I still cook dinner every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. We are heading into the empty nest with two in college and one high school student still at home. It seems very weird to be making a full dinner every night once it's just the two of us at home, and even now our teen is mostly out and about, getting home late from various activities, etc. Yet my DH still expects a meat, a starch and two veg every night. Just like my father did. When does the 'making dinner' gig end anyway? Do I have to do it until I"m 80 years old? Every night? It has gotten really old.

We are empty nesters and we still enjoy making, and eating, dinner, although DH does most of the cooking so easy for me to say. We do have Trader Joe's frozen items maybe once a week, and go out at least once a week, but still like the routine of cooking and having dinner. We also, thanks to our advanced age, are pretty focused on eating healthy foods, which is much easier to do if you are cooking at home. Unlike the OP, we don't eat any white carbs so baked potatoes are out, and diet coke seems to be pretty taboo these days too although I haven't totally given it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

For AM nap, I shower, get dressed, make bed, wipe down high chair, vacuum DS breakfast mess, empty the dishwasher, load any bottles/dirty dishes, gather up dirty diapers and take out trash, put away laundry from night before and get a new load started, wipe down master bath (just a quick swish and swipe of toilet and sink) and powder room, reset the diaper bag for an outing (replenish snacks,clothes,diapers-throw out any trash/dirty clothes etc), put away DS's toys. For PM nap, I check email, mail, deal with any bills or paperwork, maybe call my mom, then I have about 30 mins to myself, where I could ostensibly prepare a meal.

All of these things are done EVERY DAY?

Not that pp. But what of the above wouldn't be done every day? All of that seems to be fairly minimal, basic stuff that you do every day to me.

90 percent of that stuff can be done while the baby is awake. After baby is done eating, sweep up the mess while he's s till there and load the dishwasher. It takes 2 minutes to unload a dishwasher. Maybe do laundry only one day a week if it overwhelms you? You really don't need to clean the toilet every day.

Right when you get back from an outing put in whatever you took out. Put away DS's toys in front of him, have him "help". At 15 months my DD could "help". I do all that stuff after coming home from work. Bills can be done once a week. Maybe sometimes instead of calling your mother for an hour you can cook.

[Anonymous]

Look, deciding to be a stay at home mommy -- you've already embraced "women's work." Just embrace the entire thing.

[Anonymous]

Op, I just "made" a roast pork tenderloin with apples, potatoes, onions and peppers in about 10 minutes. My child was having a snack while I did this. It's really not that hard between pasta dishes, soups and one pot meals (slow cooker or otherwise.) FWIW my kids are little and also like deconstructed food so we do taco night, chopped salad, chicken tortilla soup with avocado and corn bread. Sometimes if you are making something that can't be deconstructed (chicken piccata or the like) you can take the chicken out before the other ingredients are added.

You can do it. I hate meal planning too and often feel like I'm in a rut but I try to have something on the table Mon-Thursday. Friday is pizza night here too!

[Anonymous]

Some babies are tougher than others. My youngest had recurring reflux issues that never seemed quite resolved with medication. So for many naps I held her upright. Fortunately it eventually got under control and she later napped well in her crib. But for ~6months not much got done around the house - including dinners.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM and dinner is one of my responsibilities. I enjoy cooking (most of the time) but dinner doesn't have to be an elaborate meal. Serve rotisserie chicken, spaghetti, salad or sandwiches. I did that often when I had littler ones. Now that all my kids are school-aged, my DH will sometimes help with meals if I have to be out of the house.

[Anonymous]

I picture the OP zipping around the house re cleaning everything (the whole house does not need to be cleaned everyday!) while fuming mad at DH and doing "interactive things" with a little baby.

OP seriously, maybe SAHM is not for you. Some people hate all that menial labor. But not cooking is like a nanny who wont change a diaper, wipe a DCs face, ect -- its part of the job for 99% of SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Its funny how everyone is giving OP their recipes -- she already said she hates to cook!