Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

When dh and I both worked, whichever one of us got home first (usually me and not by much) would put dinner on. Protein, side, veggie.

When our first was born and I became a SAHM, dh take over the cooking for maybe the first 6 months or so because I constantly had the baby in my arms that time of the evening so he knew that if he wanted a "real" meal, he would have to cook. At some point I resumed the cooking duties. Protein, side, veggie. I will often skip the side to keep calories/carbs down.

With a husband and two kids I cook/eat dinner. But back in the days when I was single/unattached...I would just grab a can out of the pantry (albacore tuna, soup, whatever) and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you feel like you are both working and that your day is just as long as his. I agree, except that I think cooking is part of your work. Do you mean to tell me that you think your only job is to focus on your son for 12 hours a day? Come on now. I WOH and I cook 4 nights a week simply because I get home first, even though that means I've picked the kids up from day care. My husband cooks one night a week because he gets home first, even though he's picked the kids up from day care. Yes, because your workplace is your house, you are in charge of dinner.

I appreciate your opinion and yes, I do feel like the sole focus of 12 hours is taking care of my son. If I hired a nanny that would be the nanny's focus too. I know you can pay a nanny to do various things beyond childcare (meal prep etc) but basically a nanny is responsible for the care of the child and associated tasks and the parents share the rest of the household responsibilities, no?

I'm enjoying reading the diverse responses and good suggestions too-nice/helpful to hear what works for other families. No eating disorder but thank you de the concern.

Yeah, you're not the nanny. You're the "homemaker". You're home. Make dinner. As a PP stated earlier, you're kid needs to eat too and will soon need more than simple toddler meals.

And honestly, being a bean-counter will not bode well for your marriage. My husband and I have different responsibilities, many of which, though not all, fall into "traditional" gender roles. Should my husband not change the oil in my car when he's doing his because we both work and have shared responsibilities? Should he mow half of the lawn? Repair only broken items that he uses? I get it that SAH is a lot of drudgery and that dinner complicates things, but in my opinion, it is part of the job. If you don't like it, outsource, going back to work if necessary.

[Anonymous]

You could put a positive spin on this situation: making dinner now will give you experience when you're making dinner for 3 or possibly 4. I work part-time, and am the *food preparer* and hate it! I've never enjoyed going to the grocery store, cooking, for myself and that hasn't changed since having a child. But he's now 9 and we need to eat together, the 3 of us, when possible. I also have other cooking challenges, as we don't eat meat and very very little dairy. I go to MOMs and WF's to shop, and spend a fortune. I wish my DH would cook, because I would rather clean.

Think of this as training because it only gets more complicated. I love parenting, love the driving around, having friends over, our time spent together, but I openly admit the part I despise is meal preparation.

[Anonymous]

Not per se, but as I cook for the kids, I also cook for myself and DH.

Here's why: if I want the kids to eat healthy meals, I should model that behavior and so should DH! Thus, an ideal meal should include protein, grains, fruits and vegetables, plus a dessert sometimes.

Also, eating together creates family unity -- and for those women paranoid about infidelity, I always know my DH's dining partner: me! The kids see us together eating foods as a family, and we discuss issues together as a family.

Does this sound 1950s to you? Too bad. It's just another way -- pretty straightforward and people have done it for many, many centuries -- to grow family bonds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

See, that's interesting to me pp. I think my job is to care for our child and his needs during the week, and running the household is our shared responsibility, as is taking care of our child on the weekends. To the other pp, I'm not a shitty mom, I'm actually an amazing mom! I agree it's not "hard"- my office job wasn't "hard" either...I was good at it and enjoyed it. I'm good at taking care of our son and enjoy that too! It's not "hard" work, but it is time consuming work that requires a lot of my energy and attention. (I have to be honest, I spent the day yesterday with a mom of two kids under three and that seems like HARD work!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

Huh? Where did you see this? One of those 1950s how to be a good housewife books? "Make sure his slippers and a cocktail are waiting by the door for him."

Personally I do more household things now because I have some free time (yay preschool three mornings a week!) and I don't mind. But it's a nice extra, not a must do.

OP if you do go to the store you could pick up some food for your DH. Ask him for a list. Prepared foods might be a good option.

[Anonymous]

I'm see it as our responsibility to have a healthy family meal most nights, and since I am home more, it makes sense for me to handle it.

Real family dinners are so important, regardless of who makes them.

[Anonymous]

I SAH with my 17 month old and, until about a month ago, left it to my husband to make dinner about four out of five weeknights. We'd feed the baby, put her to bed, and haphazardly throw something together, usually not eating until eight (or later). But it was always kind of chaotic.

I started building meal planning/ prepping and appropriate marketing into my schedule so I could make dinner on weeknights. Now we eat when he gets home from work (between five and six), I clean the kitchen while he does bedtime, and then we can relax together. It's much better this way.

[Anonymous]

SAH =/= nanny.

Unless you negotiated it that way. Was it your DH's understanding that you were staying home to nanny? If so, you're probably an incredibly expensive nanny.

[Anonymous]

One of you could order groceries via Peapod.

Although at that age my kids looooveed going to the grocery store to check out all of the foods. Find a store with a great salad bar. A great way to introduce more foods and establish healthy eating habits.

[Anonymous]

IN my opinion one of the biggest benefits of having a stay at home parent is you can have healthy meals together. When DH and I talked about the pros and cons of staying home taking care of the entire house, not just the kids, was a main discussion. You and your DH should get on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Op here again, I agree with y'all on healthy family dinners and modeling for DS and all that good stuff. I was thinking that would all time nicely with our son starting a few hours of pre-school. Still really appreciating all the great suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Meh...all families do things differently and I don't believe there is any strict job deception for being a SAHM.

That said, it does sound that your family is deficient in the meal/nutrition department. Since you've identified that need then I think you should try and find ways to step it up.

Look into Blue Apron-type meal services. Or find a blog or something to help you create more elaborate and varied snack plates.

[Anonymous]

^^
we take a healthy walk after dinner most nights, too, to model good exercise habits!

[Anonymous]

"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.