19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60?

I indeed enjoy active life and don’t need a much younger man caring for me n exchange for inheritance when I’m 60. Yes, I have elder care plans and will avoid activities like skiing, snowboarding and surfing after age 55. It’s not great for joints

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60?

DP. In case you're the slowest person in the world and the only person alive who has not figured this out, men age a lot faster than women and die sooner too. There are far more women who are spritely into old age than men who can say the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60?

I indeed enjoy active life and don’t need a much younger man caring for me n exchange for inheritance when I’m 60. Yes, I have elder care plans and will avoid activities like skiing, snowboarding and surfing after age 55. It’s not great for joints

Who will care for you then at 60? One of your children will take on that burden or you will move into assisted living or who is going to be taking you on after your body biologically degrades at 60 and you can only perform slow activities with the help of others?

These threads are pretty entertaining. On other threads it’s like my inlaws are in their 60s and still very active and travelling and there is no reason they can’t come to us or my mother is in her 60s and providing childcare for the grandkids then on this thread it’s like 60 is so old you need a caregiver and will be lucky if you can do anything independently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60?

DP. In case you're the slowest person in the world and the only person alive who has not figured this out, men age a lot faster than women and die sooner too. There are far more women who are spritely into old age than men who can say the same.

According to the link the above poster insisted I look at as profit that the body degrades at 60, the article speaks to the same changes in both men and women. And there are plenty of men past 60 who don’t require caregiving! You all must be 20 years old to think life is over by 60.

[Anonymous]

I was 34 and he was 50. Happily married, 2 grown children, 64 and 80. Sometimes it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

My parents still ski in their late 60s but that can't keep up with their kids or grandkids anymore. And their grandkids drain them quickly. They could not handle them full-time. When they travel with us, they slow us down. It's fine, aging is a blessing. But being married to someone their age is unfathomable.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth do you want to be with someone so much older than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home? If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things. Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60?

DP. In case you're the slowest person in the world and the only person alive who has not figured this out, men age a lot faster than women and die sooner too. There are far more women who are spritely into old age than men who can say the same.

According to the link the above poster insisted I look at as profit that the body degrades at 60, the article speaks to the same changes in both men and women. And there are plenty of men past 60 who don’t require caregiving! You all must be 20 years old to think life is over by 60.

Nobody is saying he wound necessarily require caregiving at 60. You need to read what PPs are saying. A 60 yo man would likely enjoy a different set of activities than a 40 yo woman. And from mid 50s many people start having medical issues . My exH had outbreaks of hives; digestive issues and needed immunotherapy and colonoscopies. Others may start having memory issues . My mom is still energetic at 74 but she is forgetful since mid 60s and can’t ski or swim; she had a small skin cancer that needed surgery, and several obgyn surgeries from mid 50s through her 60s.
I already experience fogs in late 40s and fight it with HRT.

I did set up a financial trust which will take care of my aging when and if I need care. I don’t delegate it to my kids or my partner. If I get very sick and incapable I’ll take measures to end my life in a country which allows that legally and painlessly without spending down my whole trust. Yes I did arrangements already because incapacitation may come from a car accident etc.

I hate it when aging men try to offload themselves on women who are just starting their lives.

[Anonymous]

Aging is not a blessing, it’s a curse. Read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit

You do not seem to realize that an "energetic" late 50s year old has no clue what an energetic 20-year-old is like?? Your idea of energetic might be slow as hell to a 20-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 34 and he was 50. Happily married, 2 grown children, 64 and 80. Sometimes it works.

You were 34, kind of the age when women run out of options to marry promising men their own age group. OP is 27, she has a few years to find somone under 35 to marry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I’m mostly wanting to not marry him. Age isn’t the issue for me ( I don’t think I’m too mature for guys my own age, I just like more mature guys) and it’s not about the money—I'm genuinely attracted to the fact that he's emotionally older and I’d still be interested in him even if he didn’t have wealth though.

But, My family is not happy, and my mom isn’t talking to me as much since I told them around Thanksgiving about this. After I recently told my mom & dad about his plans to marry and have a baby with me, they were a little disappointed and think that him being divorced already is a big problem. They wanted me to say no right away, said I was stupid for even considering it, but I don’t see it that way. I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is.

My biggest concern & the main reason I’m leaning towards not marrying him, aside from his health, is that I’m not very enthusiastic about being a stepmom. I’m just not very excited about that role. I don’t have any issue with the having stepkids part but I don’t want my kids to have to share a dad with his adult children and grow up with that, and the dynamic that comes with a blended family makes me feel uneasy.

Imagine how his adult kids must feel about the thought of having a half sibling who could be their child.

Go with your gut. He is too old to be a "new" dad. Find someone younger if you want kids.

And I say this as someone whose DH is six years older and was almost 41 when we had our first. He is now 61, and youngest is now about to leave for college. We will have the freedom to travel and do what we want, and we're still young enough to enjoy it. When your kid goes off to college, your DH won't be able to do as much with you, which will lead to the two of you drifting a part.