Reply to 19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][img][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What kind of family and friends do you all have that [b]everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving[/b]?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread![/quote]

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html[/quote]

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything  by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.[/quote]

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...[/quote]

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay  back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit [/quote]

How are they energetic, heathy and fit if they do no activity, stay home, and just sleep all the time? How are they out dating if they are just staying home?  If you are energetic and active, I am surpised you have never seen anyone over 60 do any activity or ride a bike or hike or ski or run or go to the gym or do any activity. I see a lot of them in my area. It makes me laugh that people think that everyone over 60 is literally housebound and sleeping and aren't capable of being active or looking after themselves.

You really think that ten years from now your life will be over and you will just be sleeping all the time and needing a caregiver to help you get through your day? That you will no longer go out or be active or interact with people? By 60! You all make me laugh. I find it hard to believe that no one had parents or knows of adults who were independent or still active and living life after 60.

I expect 15 year olds to think that 60 is so old that you are decrepid and needing to be cared for but most people by 40, realize that 60 year olds are still very independent, active and functional.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone with that size of age gap for a multitude of reasons but none are because I think that life is over by 60 and I would need to be their caregiver and they wouldn't be able to do much except sleep.[/quote]

To give you example, I have to be the initiator of all these activities . They can still do it but would rather do slower paced things.  Grumpiness and behavioral changes are also noticeable. These are men 5 years to retirement age.
60s is when major shifts happen in human body - just open the link someone shared above.
Not seeing the realities of aging is not helping ageism 
[/quote]

I guess you better enjoy your next ten years then before you need caregiving and are no longer able to do anything due to all the physical and behavioral shifts that happen at 60 that will leave you only able to fumble along on slow paced activities that someone else initiates. Do you have someone lined up to be your caregiver at 60? [/quote]
DP. In case you're the slowest person in the world and the only person alive who has not figured this out, men age a lot faster than women and die sooner too. There are far more women who are spritely into old age than men who can say the same.[/quote]

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