19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble with the plan to divorce him when he's old and sick is-- he's going to be OP's children's father. Can she really do that and look her children in the eye? And if she does, it's her children with him who will have to step up and care for him as young adults, because his first batch of kids will be busy with their own families and maybe pretty alienated by that point.

+1.

This is a terrible plan. And divorcing him might not relieve her from being his caregiver. As PP rightly noted, he will be her children's father. Look at how The Grey's anatomy actor's almost ex wife is taking care of him as he has struggling with ALS. She has had to rearrange her life to be there for him and the kids even though they were in the process of getting a divorce before he was diagnosed. Look at Demi Moore's current relationship with her Bruce Willis now that he is struggling with illness.

Once you have children with someone, you are tied for life - they are always a part of your family. This is even more so in age gap relationships, because the children might be young enough to need help in taking care of parents.

I think OP’s children would actually be too young to fill that role and it'd have to fall back to his older kids. Aren't they teens now? My inlaws are divorced and my mother-in-law does still do a lot for my father-in-law to protect their kids from having to deal with him, but it’s clear she’s happy to be able to go home to her own place and any help she gives him is gratuitous not expected. They are the same age and only have kids together. The dynamic is going to be so much different with step kids. Many women will not feel the same need to protect their stepkids from the challenges of caring for their father and their own kids are too young to do it. And people don’t usually get divorced that late in life without good reason, like they have years of resentment that leads them to the point where they can no longer stand each other anymore.

No. He's 46 now and they aren't married or expecting yet. So he'd be 50 or more by the time OP has had two kids. So the younger set will be about 20-25 when he hits 70 and health problems become much more likely. His own kids will be around 40 years old and they'll be married and have elementary or middle school aged kids of their own. The younger set will be old enough to deal with it and not yet burdened with their own kids, and their mother will be more able to convince/coerce them into doing it.

yeah, but if their mother divorces him, she’s not gonna encourage her kids to be his caretaker. It will fall on the 40 somethings. I’m around enough 20 somethings at work to know that they’re not taking care of anyone. They are all about themselves at that age. Plus, he probably wouldn’t accept help from a kid in their 20s. He’d expected from the 40-year-olds.

He can expect whatever he wants, but if he and his new wife don't maintain a strong relationship with the first set of kids, he won't get much from them. They know perfectly well that OP and her kids are walking off with what would have been theirs.

Lol. Can we conclude here that men who overextend themselves with wives and kids often die alone, having spread themselves thin letting everyone down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy 1.5 years, so starting around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy 1.5 years, so starting around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

OP: I’ve dated 30+ men since I was 19. Some were wealthy, some were not. I’ve never sought out men with money. The one commonality among the men I’ve dated is age, not wealth.

I’m from DC originally and currently on the West Coast, so I’ve been exposed to people from a wide range of backgrounds. What I’m attracted to is who someone is as a person. Yes, he’s a divorced dad, but he’s also a nice guy which is why I’m still dating him even though I’m 90% sure I don’t want to marry him.

If I didn’t genuinely like him and were only motivated by money or status, I wouldn’t be dating him — I’d still be dating some of the men I dated previously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy for 1.5 years, so you started around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

If that stuff is true, then the OP is an unabashed gold digger. A little advice, OP, a younger man on the cusp of a successful career is much more valuable to you than an older man who’s already made most of his money and has kids and retirement looming on the horizon and is a lawyer who has surely tied his money up and trust that you won’t ever be able to access. Go for the ambitious 30-35-year-old.

Also, his oldest kid is only 10 years younger than you, but he is 19 years older than you? That’s gotta feel super weird if it’s true. Most people most women find that stepdaughters are very difficult to get along with. I’m surprised by the things you’re saying is it doesn’t line up with what I’ve heard from friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy 1.5 years, so starting around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

OP: I’ve dated 30+ men since I was 19. Some were wealthy, some were not. I’ve never sought out men with money. The one commonality among the men I’ve dated is age, not wealth.

I’m from DC originally and currently on the West Coast, so I’ve been exposed to people from a wide range of backgrounds. What I’m attracted to is who someone is as a person. Yes, he’s a divorced dad, but he’s also a nice guy which is why I’m still dating him even though I’m 90% sure I don’t want to marry him.

If I didn’t genuinely like him and were only motivated by money or status, I wouldn’t be dating him — I’d still be dating some of the men I dated previously.

** I’ve dated men aged 30+ since 19, five including my current boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy 1.5 years, so starting around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

OP: I’ve dated 30+ men since I was 19. Some were wealthy, some were not. I’ve never sought out men with money. The one commonality among the men I’ve dated is age, not wealth.

I’m from DC originally and currently on the West Coast, so I’ve been exposed to people from a wide range of backgrounds. What I’m attracted to is who someone is as a person. Yes, he’s a divorced dad, but he’s also a nice guy which is why I’m still dating him even though I’m 90% sure I don’t want to marry him.

If I didn’t genuinely like him and were only motivated by money or status, I wouldn’t be dating him — I’d still be dating some of the men I dated previously.

Tell us what makes him such a nice guy that you have to put up with a combination of a big age gap and step children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy 1.5 years, so starting around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

OP: I’ve dated 30+ men since I was 19. Some were wealthy, some were not. I’ve never sought out men with money. The one commonality among the men I’ve dated is age, not wealth.

I’m from DC originally and currently on the West Coast, so I’ve been exposed to people from a wide range of backgrounds. What I’m attracted to is who someone is as a person. Yes, he’s a divorced dad, but he’s also a nice guy which is why I’m still dating him even though I’m 90% sure I don’t want to marry him.

If I didn’t genuinely like him and were only motivated by money or status, I wouldn’t be dating him — I’d still be dating some of the men I dated previously.

** I’ve dated men aged 30+ since 19, five including my current boyfriend.

Are you a sugar baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy for 1.5 years, so you started around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

If that stuff is true, then the OP is an unabashed gold digger. A little advice, OP, a younger man on the cusp of a successful career is much more valuable to you than an older man who’s already made most of his money and has kids and retirement looming on the horizon and is a lawyer who has surely tied his money up and trust that you won’t ever be able to access. Go for the ambitious 30-35-year-old.

Also, his oldest kid is only 10 years younger than you, but he is 19 years older than you? That’s gotta feel super weird if it’s true. Most people most women find that stepdaughters are very difficult to get along with. I’m surprised by the things you’re saying is it doesn’t line up with what I’ve heard from friends.

Be careful of the bolded, OP. Both of these aspirations are bad. If you marry someone expecting them to blow up or praying for them to blow up, you are setting yourself up for huge disappointment. Marry a 30-35 year old who is happy with where he is even if he has ambition to make more money. If you want a rich 30-35 year old man, now is the time to try to find one. Yes, riches will be limited for that age group but you stand a smaller chance of taking care of them in old age so it's an ok price to pay. And there are some fairly rich men in that age group.

Think about it this way. If your current bf is 46 with 26M, a 35 year old with 13M is in the same wealth class after compound interest over 11 years before he is 46. And your current bf already has kids so a 35 year old with 6M and no kids is in the same class since your bfs money already has obligations. Add in the caregiver issue with a much older man, and a 35 year old with no kids and 3-4 M is as rich as your current bf.

I know a few couples where the DHs had promising futures that never came through. Talk about disappointment and misery in those marriages.

Don't be shy about what you want. Just be smart about it and make sure you don't get taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy for 1.5 years, so you started around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

If that stuff is true, then the OP is an unabashed gold digger. A little advice, OP, a younger man on the cusp of a successful career is much more valuable to you than an older man who’s already made most of his money and has kids and retirement looming on the horizon and is a lawyer who has surely tied his money up and trust that you won’t ever be able to access. Go for the ambitious 30-35-year-old.

Also, his oldest kid is only 10 years younger than you, but he is 19 years older than you? That’s gotta feel super weird if it’s true. Most people most women find that stepdaughters are very difficult to get along with. I’m surprised by the things you’re saying is it doesn’t line up with what I’ve heard from friends.

Be careful of the bolded, OP. Both of these aspirations are bad. If you marry someone expecting them to blow up or praying for them to blow up, you are setting yourself up for huge disappointment. Marry a 30-35 year old who is happy with where he is even if he has ambition to make more money. If you want a rich 30-35 year old man, now is the time to try to find one. Yes, riches will be limited for that age group but you stand a smaller chance of taking care of them in old age so it's an ok price to pay. And there are some fairly rich men in that age group.

Think about it this way. If your current bf is 46 with 26M, a 35 year old with 13M is in the same wealth class after compound interest over 11 years before he is 46. And your current bf already has kids so a 35 year old with 6M and no kids is in the same class since your bfs money already has obligations. Add in the caregiver issue with a much older man, and a 35 year old with no kids and 3-4 M is as rich as your current bf.

I know a few couples where the DHs had promising futures that never came through. Talk about disappointment and misery in those marriages.

Don't be shy about what you want. Just be smart about it and make sure you don't get taken advantage of.

Some great gold digging tips above for you OP to learn !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy for 1.5 years, so you started around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

If that stuff is true, then the OP is an unabashed gold digger. A little advice, OP, a younger man on the cusp of a successful career is much more valuable to you than an older man who’s already made most of his money and has kids and retirement looming on the horizon and is a lawyer who has surely tied his money up and trust that you won’t ever be able to access. Go for the ambitious 30-35-year-old.

Also, his oldest kid is only 10 years younger than you, but he is 19 years older than you? That’s gotta feel super weird if it’s true. Most people most women find that stepdaughters are very difficult to get along with. I’m surprised by the things you’re saying is it doesn’t line up with what I’ve heard from friends.

Be careful of the bolded, OP. Both of these aspirations are bad. If you marry someone expecting them to blow up or praying for them to blow up, you are setting yourself up for huge disappointment. Marry a 30-35 year old who is happy with where he is even if he has ambition to make more money. If you want a rich 30-35 year old man, now is the time to try to find one. Yes, riches will be limited for that age group but you stand a smaller chance of taking care of them in old age so it's an ok price to pay. And there are some fairly rich men in that age group.

Think about it this way. If your current bf is 46 with 26M, a 35 year old with 13M is in the same wealth class after compound interest over 11 years before he is 46. And your current bf already has kids so a 35 year old with 6M and no kids is in the same class since your bfs money already has obligations. Add in the caregiver issue with a much older man, and a 35 year old with no kids and 3-4 M is as rich as your current bf.

I know a few couples where the DHs had promising futures that never came through. Talk about disappointment and misery in those marriages.

Don't be shy about what you want. Just be smart about it and make sure you don't get taken advantage of.

Some great gold digging tips above for you OP to learn !

She is very welcome. 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I’ve dated guys who’ve had even more money than he does, so money isn’t why I’m attracted to him, I just like who he is...

You're 27 and have dated this guy for 1.5 years, so you started around age 25. But prior to 25, you dated guyS who've had even more money than 26M?

So you were 21 or 23 (obviously busy in college) dating random wealthy guys, who somehow shared their investment portfolio with you, and you saw they had 50M or 100M?

This is BS! And so is your insisting that it isn't the money you're attracted to, you just like "who he is". Except "who he is", is a divorced dad of 2 teens - who you don't want to step-parent. So of the two major descriptors of his life - parent and wealthy - neither of those appeal to you. He's just a down-to-earth nice guy who appreciates poetry.

I think this whole discussion topic is made up BS!

"His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective)."

If this whole thing isn't BS, I want you to write this down and tuck it in your sock drawer and read it in 10 or 15 years. Whether you're married to him or not, you will have a good laugh and eyeroll at how immature you were back at age 27. And that you thought your "life perspective" matched that of a 46yo divorced dad.

If that stuff is true, then the OP is an unabashed gold digger. A little advice, OP, a younger man on the cusp of a successful career is much more valuable to you than an older man who’s already made most of his money and has kids and retirement looming on the horizon and is a lawyer who has surely tied his money up and trust that you won’t ever be able to access. Go for the ambitious 30-35-year-old.

Also, his oldest kid is only 10 years younger than you, but he is 19 years older than you? That’s gotta feel super weird if it’s true. Most people most women find that stepdaughters are very difficult to get along with. I’m surprised by the things you’re saying is it doesn’t line up with what I’ve heard from friends.

Be careful of the bolded, OP. Both of these aspirations are bad. If you marry someone expecting them to blow up or praying for them to blow up, you are setting yourself up for huge disappointment. Marry a 30-35 year old who is happy with where he is even if he has ambition to make more money. If you want a rich 30-35 year old man, now is the time to try to find one. Yes, riches will be limited for that age group but you stand a smaller chance of taking care of them in old age so it's an ok price to pay. And there are some fairly rich men in that age group.

Think about it this way. If your current bf is 46 with 26M, a 35 year old with 13M is in the same wealth class after compound interest over 11 years before he is 46. And your current bf already has kids so a 35 year old with 6M and no kids is in the same class since your bfs money already has obligations. Add in the caregiver issue with a much older man, and a 35 year old with no kids and 3-4 M is as rich as your current bf.

I know a few couples where the DHs had promising futures that never came through. Talk about disappointment and misery in those marriages.

Don't be shy about what you want. Just be smart about it and make sure you don't get taken advantage of.

Some great gold digging tips above for you OP to learn !

I like this one: “a 35 year old with no kids and 3-4 M is as rich as your current bf.”
I would add that that guy has a lot more upside potential than the 46 year old with two kids that OP is dating. When you’re in your 20s, you should go for investments with the most upside. Buy the green bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

[Anonymous]

Did you sugar your way to pay for school?
Ok, but please try dating people in your age cohort. See if you like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, people in their 60s don't normally need caregivers and do tend to work until 65-70. Thing is, you start to age rapidly around 60 and that looks different for everyone.

You could be 40 with kids and your 60 year old dh has limited energy, for example. My older dad used to sleep while "watching" football most of the weekend while resting to go back to work on Monday.

By the time you are 50, your dh will be 70. If you are ok with, and dealing with his first family for all.of your married life, then go for it OP.

If I was in my late 20s,.did not already have kids or a divorce, and not desperate, I would try dating guys my own age and in their 30s, and not have to deal with their first family etc...

As a late 40s woman who dated couple very energetic (for their age) late 50s and early 60s men, the slow down is noticeable. Men like peace, stay back home, kids irritate them, they don’t bike, ski etc. I’m energetic so late 50s feels old even for me. Even the men who are very healthy and fit