19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently passed away at the age of 90. He was 20 years older than my mother when they married, and she was 25 at the time. My father was the CEO of a Fortune 1000 company and encouraged my mother to leave her job after they married so she could pursue her passion for art and music. He also used his influence to help my mother’s brothers and sisters secure high-paying jobs, creating generational wealth for their families. Because of this, my mother was deeply grateful to my father and treated him as the greatest blessing in her life. My father often said that marrying my mother was like winning the lottery. Although he faced medical issues during the last five years of his life and my mother cared for him tirelessly, she said at his funeral that they shared 45 wonderful years together—and that she would choose that life with him again without hesitation.

Age is just a number. In the end, everything will be fine

The really good die young. Apparently not in this case. Something's amiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently passed away at the age of 90. He was 20 years older than my mother when they married, and she was 25 at the time. My father was the CEO of a Fortune 1000 company and encouraged my mother to leave her job after they married so she could pursue her passion for art and music. He also used his influence to help my mother’s brothers and sisters secure high-paying jobs, creating generational wealth for their families. Because of this, my mother was deeply grateful to my father and treated him as the greatest blessing in her life. My father often said that marrying my mother was like winning the lottery. Although he faced medical issues during the last five years of his life and my mother cared for him tirelessly, she said at his funeral that they shared 45 wonderful years together—and that she would choose that life with him again without hesitation.

Age is just a number. In the end, everything will be fine

I don't recall OP saying her old man is a CEO of a Fortune 1000 company? But the way to grab that, rich people do not have to worry about financial security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake. 10 years is ok, not 19.

How does this sound fake? Tje responses to this are really surprising. It’s always been very common for wealthy men to date women much younger than themselves.

Not really - stop normalizing what’s not typical. Even historically wealthy men remarried to women about same age as themselves. Only a smaller percentage dates younger even if wealthy. I’m late 40s and most men I dated were “one percenters”. Look at Bezos - his new spouse is 7 years younger.

You need to get out more often. Jason Statham is 58, and he is engaged/married to his wife who is 38. Harrison Ford is 83, and his wife Calista Flockhart is 61. 69 years old Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis with a 26 years old girlfriend. Based on my small sample size, I would say yes.

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz are 4 years apart; and I can go on. Your selection is not statistical average even for the wealthy . Average age gap for 2bd marriage is not 20 years

Here’s the official statistics: average age gap at second marriage in the US is 5 years
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12158964/#:~:text=The%20mean%20age%20of%201st,a%20woman%205.3%20years%20younger.

there are lies damn lies and statistics. Nobody should believe those fake stats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You need to get out more often. Jason Statham is 58, and he is engaged/married to his wife who is 38. Harrison Ford is 83, and his wife Calista Flockhart is 61. 69 years old Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis with a 26 years old girlfriend. Based on my small sample size, I would say yes.

Imagine being 26 and blowing this pumpkin pie haircutted freak just because he inherited the worst team in pro football. Great job, ladies.

WOMEN: News flash, men. We have our own careers and can support ourselves. We don't need you anymore.

ALSO WOMEN: I will blow Mark Davis because he inherited the Raiders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake. 10 years is ok, not 19.

How does this sound fake? Tje responses to this are really surprising. It’s always been very common for wealthy men to date women much younger than themselves.

Not really - stop normalizing what’s not typical. Even historically wealthy men remarried to women about same age as themselves. Only a smaller percentage dates younger even if wealthy. I’m late 40s and most men I dated were “one percenters”. Look at Bezos - his new spouse is 7 years younger.

You need to get out more often. Jason Statham is 58, and he is engaged/married to his wife who is 38. Harrison Ford is 83, and his wife Calista Flockhart is 61. 69 years old Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis with a 26 years old girlfriend. Based on my small sample size, I would say yes.

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz are 4 years apart; and I can go on. Your selection is not statistical average even for the wealthy . Average age gap for 2bd marriage is not 20 years

Here’s the official statistics: average age gap at second marriage in the US is 5 years
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12158964/#:~:text=The%20mean%20age%20of%201st,a%20woman%205.3%20years%20younger.

there are lies damn lies and statistics. Nobody should believe those fake stats.

Hah? Age at marriage is easily derived from marriage licenses and thus verifiable not fake statistics.
The fake statistics was above - based on a sample of 4 celebrities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You need to get out more often. Jason Statham is 58, and he is engaged/married to his wife who is 38. Harrison Ford is 83, and his wife Calista Flockhart is 61. 69 years old Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis with a 26 years old girlfriend. Based on my small sample size, I would say yes.

Imagine being 26 and blowing this pumpkin pie haircutted freak just because he inherited the worst team in pro football. Great job, ladies.

WOMEN: News flash, men. We have our own careers and can support ourselves. We don't need you anymore.

ALSO WOMEN: I will blow Mark Davis because he inherited the Raiders.

No, 99% of 26 yo women won’t blow him even for billion USD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, 99% of 26 yo women won’t blow him even for billion USD

You're right. Even a broken clock is right twice a day!

[Anonymous]

You are wasting the best years of your life. You are young-ish on the cusp of a PhD and career and all things exciting. He has old sperm and a whole failed life before you. Get out now and pursue a relationship with someone your age and experience all the new stuff together. Your window to find a parter your age is slowly closing. You will regret having to take care of an old man, then when you want to jump from that relationship all the good younger men will be taken. One more time for the cheap seats: YOU ARE WASTING THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. Wake up and make some moves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father recently passed away at the age of 90. He was 20 years older than my mother when they married, and she was 25 at the time. My father was the CEO of a Fortune 1000 company and encouraged my mother to leave her job after they married so she could pursue her passion for art and music. He also used his influence to help my mother’s brothers and sisters secure high-paying jobs, creating generational wealth for their families. Because of this, my mother was deeply grateful to my father and treated him as the greatest blessing in her life. My father often said that marrying my mother was like winning the lottery. Although he faced medical issues during the last five years of his life and my mother cared for him tirelessly, she said at his funeral that they shared 45 wonderful years together—and that she would choose that life with him again without hesitation.

Age is just a number. In the end, everything will be fine

Sounds like OP's man is nowhere near this wealthy.

What do your father's first batch of children think about all this?

What prompted you to say that? My brother, sister, and I are his only children. My mother was his first and only wife.

That is a completely different situation. OPs entire life is going to be impacted by his first set of kids and his ex wife. His attention, wealth etc has to be divided from the start, and she and any kids she has will be second in priority.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, they were pointing out that he'll be 70 by the time their kids would graduate from school and at that point, when they should be enjoying being empty nesters, OP would end up being a caretaker. Not when he was in his 60s.

He is 46. His kids would graduate high school at 18. He doesn't turn 70 for 24 more years. And I would also contend that the majority of 70 year olds don't need caregivers either.

I'm not sure if you somehow got out of biology in high school but OP isn't pregnant right now (thank goodness). So assuming it takes a few years for them to get married, get pregnant, and have a couple of kids, he will absolutely be 70, or very close to it, upon high school graduation. Then pushing 75 for college graduation. That is OLD.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, ignore the terrible advice in this thread. You found an awesome guy and you both love each other. Go for it.

Most divorced women here didn’t marry men who are 19 years older, yet their marriages still didn’t work out. The guys they chose were younger but still turned out to be bad husbands. Just because a guy is around your age doesn’t mean he’ll be a better partner.

Follow your heart, not the bitter women on an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, they were pointing out that he'll be 70 by the time their kids would graduate from school and at that point, when they should be enjoying being empty nesters, OP would end up being a caretaker. Not when he was in his 60s.

He is 46. His kids would graduate high school at 18. He doesn't turn 70 for 24 more years. And I would also contend that the majority of 70 year olds don't need caregivers either.

I'm not sure if you somehow got out of biology in high school but OP isn't pregnant right now (thank goodness). So assuming it takes a few years for them to get married, get pregnant, and have a couple of kids, he will absolutely be 70, or very close to it, upon high school graduation. Then pushing 75 for college graduation. That is OLD.

That’s old and what’s the problem? Would it stop the child from graduating high school and college?
My parents were 71 when I got my college degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of family and friends do you all have that everyone 65 plus is an invalid requiring full time caregiving?

I don't know any 65 year olds who are dependent on their spouse and unable to care for themselves.

Lots of ageism in this thread!

Nobody on this thread suggested anything like the bolded, which is a stupid overgeneralization. But there's a big biological shift that happens around age 60 that makes people more susceptible to a variety of chronic and acute diseases which could require significant care, the likelihood of which progressively increases from there. These include metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular issues, kidney disease, and a susceptibility to flu or other viral illnesses that could result in long term health issues. And of course, there are cancers and dementia risks. This is also the age when genetic predispositions and habits really affect quality of life.

Not that my anecdote or yours matter much, but FWIW, my aunt is only 10 years younger than my uncle, and she has been a caregiver for both him and her 90 year old mother (who both live with her) for over a decade now. It has taken a big toll on her own health, and she looks mid-70s instead of 62. This is such a common scenario that it's not really noteworthy.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/08/massive-biomolecular-shifts-occur-in-our-40s-and-60s--stanford-m.html

Multiple posters have said that these younger wives will be caregivers by the time their spouses are in their 60s. I will look into more research but where I live, many people work past 60. Many are still active and independent. I was responding to the posts that people by their 60s will be dependent on these younger wives for caregiving - as I just don't see that at all in society. It is an ageist view to see anyone over 60 as a helpless person in need of caregiving because they are clearly so old that they can't do anything by themselves and their wives will need to do all their care. Maybe I live in a healthy area compared to most but I don't see those in their 60s needing caregivers just by virtue of their age.

No, they were pointing out that he'll be 70 by the time their kids would graduate from school and at that point, when they should be enjoying being empty nesters, OP would end up being a caretaker. Not when he was in his 60s.

He is 46. His kids would graduate high school at 18. He doesn't turn 70 for 24 more years. And I would also contend that the majority of 70 year olds don't need caregivers either.

I'm not sure if you somehow got out of biology in high school but OP isn't pregnant right now (thank goodness). So assuming it takes a few years for them to get married, get pregnant, and have a couple of kids, he will absolutely be 70, or very close to it, upon high school graduation. Then pushing 75 for college graduation. That is OLD.

That’s old and what’s the problem? Would it stop the child from graduating high school and college?
My parents were 71 when I got my college degree.

Do you read at all? People shares existence here with older spouses. Women who commented didn’t marry men their age.
Of course it may not prevent you from college graduation. But you probably didn’t go on mountain skiing trips or snorkel with your parents when in college. I’m 47 like the OP’s BF and heading to a skiing trip with my 20 yo DC and their classmate next week. My friend who is married to a much older man and also has a college age child stays back home on holidays as her husband can’t actively travel (he’s late 70s). It’s the whole layer of active parent&child and spouse&spouse activities that OP would miss out or would go on her own with husband back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he also has kids and an ex wife. Baggage galore. No, no, it will not be ok. Please reconsider this.

+1
Your relationship is not an island. You are closer to the age of his children than to him. That will gross his kids out and should concern you as well.
Also if you do have kids with him in the next 5 years or so, you need to realize that it is likely his grandkids will only ne 5-10 years younger than your oldest child together. This will be another reason they will resent you.
Plus he will be 75+ when your kid is in college.
This is a poor plan all around. Reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently passed away at the age of 90. He was 20 years older than my mother when they married, and she was 25 at the time. My father was the CEO of a Fortune 1000 company and encouraged my mother to leave her job after they married so she could pursue her passion for art and music. He also used his influence to help my mother’s brothers and sisters secure high-paying jobs, creating generational wealth for their families. Because of this, my mother was deeply grateful to my father and treated him as the greatest blessing in her life. My father often said that marrying my mother was like winning the lottery. Although he faced medical issues during the last five years of his life and my mother cared for him tirelessly, she said at his funeral that they shared 45 wonderful years together—and that she would choose that life with him again without hesitation.

Age is just a number. In the end, everything will be fine

First, I’m sorry for your loss and it sounds like your parents had a beautiful love story, which makes your positive attitude toward age gap relationships understandable.
But you may also want to consider that this beautiful age gap love story also strongly reveals your privileged existence that most do not experience.