19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Don't marry someone who already has children if you don't have any, regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s only a 12 year gap for us -the family stuff worked out amazingly well, we have an ours and an older child from his first marriage. Everyone gets along, money isn’t a significant issue, etc.

And I’m going to tell you to end it.

Right now he’s in his 40s, energetic, healthy etc. In 20 years, you will be in your 40s, most likely energetic and healthy. He will be in his late 60s. It’s highly likely he WON’T be energetic, and a reasonable likelihood he won’t be healthy and will be a cranky old man.

The disparate aging is so hard. And you can’t really predict it. It also means when you do actually want to slow down, he might need even more care.

This. My in-laws are going through this and they're only 10 years apart.

[Anonymous]

I would only consider it if my partner had NW over $15m and earned $600k/year. A very favorable prenup that guarantees a percentage in inheritance to me for future caretaking, and to our future kids (inheritance plus education up to grad school)

[Anonymous]

I know this may sound weird, but I'll see it as green flag only if he has been married and has kids, and did the necessary therapy.

Men who are 45+ and never married, no kids, have some very serious issues. The "no kids" part of course assumes they are capable of having kids and want them.

[Anonymous]

The biggest red flag is that he is a lawyer. I just divorced a lawyer and I will never date, f**k, talk to, look at lol another woman again who is a lawyer. I feel like the people who go into this field have some serious character flaws.

Joke aside that you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only consider it if my partner had NW over $15m and earned $600k/year. A very favorable prenup that guarantees a percentage in inheritance to me for future caretaking, and to our future kids (inheritance plus education up to grad school)

Bravo. I love women who I'm very clear terms speak for what 99.9% of women think. It's all about $$$$$. If you have plenty of it like this eloquent woman explained, you can pick and choose any woman you want and she will drop her panties within a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only consider it if my partner had NW over $15m and earned $600k/year. A very favorable prenup that guarantees a percentage in inheritance to me for future caretaking, and to our future kids (inheritance plus education up to grad school)

Bravo. I love women who I'm very clear terms speak for what 99.9% of women think. It's all about $$$$$. If you have plenty of it like this eloquent woman explained, you can pick and choose any woman you want and she will drop her panties within a second.

I’m a woman who has already half of it in my mid 40s. It’s just a bare minimum I would have considered in order to give up my best young years to birth kids and care of a much older partner. I have own earning capacity and a good practical financial sense of what things cost nowadays

[Anonymous]

Listen to everyone who’s mentioning disparate aging. It is very real and it often accelerates after 50. If you continue on this path, he’s going to be the cranky dad falling asleep at elementary school concerts and soccer games.

I think you are grasping at stability and familiarity and experience and you can get all of that with someone who’s less than 10 years older than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Ok, so all his money and property and retirement will go to his kids. You will not want to bring another child into this, you’ll end up penniless and despised. His children need his time and attention and college money. Your only option is to continue dating while maintaining separate homes forever or break up now. He’s already committed to his kids, don’t be an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Ok, so all his money and property and retirement will go to his kids. You will not want to bring another child into this, you’ll end up penniless and despised. His children need his time and attention and college money. Your only option is to continue dating while maintaining separate homes forever or break up now. He’s already committed to his kids, don’t be an a-hole.

Honey she will make her own money. She will leave inheritance to her child. She will have enough for retirement. A man is not going to be her retirement plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Ok, so all his money and property and retirement will go to his kids. You will not want to bring another child into this, you’ll end up penniless and despised. His children need his time and attention and college money. Your only option is to continue dating while maintaining separate homes forever or break up now. He’s already committed to his kids, don’t be an a-hole.

Honey she will make her own money. She will leave inheritance to her child. She will have enough for retirement. A man is not going to be her retirement plan.

She can choose an equal earner younger man for joint assets earning and building. It’s a better proposition for her

[Anonymous]

Op, you are already making a huge mistake by thinking this is an appropriate relationship. He does not have your best interests at heart.

He may not be evil. He may not even be insincere. But he is being highly selfish.

[Anonymous]

EW gross. Why on earth would any 20 something tie themselves to an almost elderly loser? Yikes girl, you in danger.

[Anonymous]

At 25, I married DH who is 12 yrs older.
At 27, you're old enough to know what you want. If you truly love him, he has good money and a plan that won't screw you over in terms of inheritance, then go for it.

.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Oh girl. You are in your prime now. Why are you settling for this? Do you have no self esteem or something? You sound like a child with delusions here.