No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere along the generations, parents started lugging their kids everywhere. In the 20th century parents left kids with family and went to places like Hawaii on their own, lol.

I am a millennial, and maybe it's because we were just regular ole middle class, but I don't know anyone whose parents did this growing up. Now I see my peers doing this all the time! My parents used babysitters for date nights and adult-only events pretty regularly, but trips? Not a chance.

It's because people are getting married much later in life. My parents are baby boomers and when they got married in their 20s so did their friends. Nobody had kids yet so this wasn't a huge issue of not inviting every kid they knew. Their siblings were close in age and didn't have many kids yet either. Plus the weddings were local. Times have changed. But it's unrealistic that every wedding can include entire families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Adults realize that invitations are not summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Exactly!

And if they truly care, they would call you and discuss "hey I know it's 18+ and you have two cute toddlers. We'd love for both of you to attend and I've gotten a list of amazing sitters from my friend/sfamily/coworkers and would love to help arrange sitters for you if you are able to come".

I would leave my kid with a stranger and spend a fortune on travel and a sitter.

Then you politely decline. Or you leave your kid at home with your spouse, and only one of you attends (the one who is closest). A wedding invite is not a summons. You get to decide Yay or Nay and politely inform by the RSVP date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

What behavior? Politely declining an invite, and sending a gift? That’s what I did, and the bride freaked out.

It is weird how you want to put forth this myth that all brides are fully rational and polite people when the term “bridezilla” exists for a reason. Your refusal to believe that some brides have appalling manners is weird.

DP: well in your case, the bride is the issue. But for 99% of those complaining "my kid wasn't invited", it's them that is the issue. Most could politely decline, send a gift if so inclined and the Bride/Groom won't care.
But it's not rational to expect your kids to be invited everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Adults realize that invitations are not summons.

That’s not the question. The question is why you invite people to your wedding if you are indifferent to whether or not they come.

The deeper issue is people turning weddings into absurdly expensive and inconvenient multi-day shows that are “all about the brideeee!!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere along the generations, parents started lugging their kids everywhere. In the 20th century parents left kids with family and went to places like Hawaii on their own, lol.

I am a millennial, and maybe it's because we were just regular ole middle class, but I don't know anyone whose parents did this growing up. Now I see my peers doing this all the time! My parents used babysitters for date nights and adult-only events pretty regularly, but trips? Not a chance.

It's because people are getting married much later in life. My parents are baby boomers and when they got married in their 20s so did their friends. Nobody had kids yet so this wasn't a huge issue of not inviting every kid they knew. Their siblings were close in age and didn't have many kids yet either. Plus the weddings were local. Times have changed. But it's unrealistic that every wedding can include entire families.

My husband has a really large family and from a culture where people expect you to invite friends of your cousins and your 2nd cousin twice removed. Even if you stick to First cousins (and their kids) you would have 200+ "family" at the wedding just from that side, add in my side and the B/G friends and our friends (who our kids have known for 20+ years and would want at their weddings) and it could easily be 350+ to invite.
Issue is, our kids dont' actually know most of those 200+ on the one side---so most likely they won't invite everyone, and there will be some hurt "family". We don't care---their wedding should be about them and their partner, and IMO they should know 99% of the people attending (and not just, "oh I recall I met you when I was 8 yo"). But we will let them invite who they want (we will pay as well) and let them have the type of wedding they want. Most likely, it won't include all of the young kids, as they have seen how poorly behaved many are and parents (family) don't believe in doing anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere along the generations, parents started lugging their kids everywhere. In the 20th century parents left kids with family and went to places like Hawaii on their own, lol.

somewhere along the generations, weddings morphed from simple and affordable family affairs to the bride’s opportunity to cosplay Cinderella at great expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Adults realize that invitations are not summons.

That’s not the question. The question is why you invite people to your wedding if you are indifferent to whether or not they come.

The deeper issue is people turning weddings into absurdly expensive and inconvenient multi-day shows that are “all about the brideeee!!!”

They aren't indifferent, they are just understanding. What they aren't going to do is bend over backwards to resolve the issue preventing your from coming. They won't change the date, pay for your sitter, provide your transportation, hire a dog walker, or whatever the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a man invited his sister to his wedding but left out his 12yo niece/nephew, their child?
That’s rude.

I’ve been invited to
Adult only weddings by friends without kids. It doesn’t make me angry but sometimes I don’t go.
To be invited to a siblings wedding though, but my tween isn’t invited, that burns.

How is it rude? Why does it burn you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it brings up a lot of complicated feelings. Weddings have always been traditionally family event with two families coming together and a new family starting. But a few years ago, there was a change to make everything perfect, Instagram worthy and aspirational so out with imperfect kids. I also think it goes hand-in-hand with parents, not parenting their kids which is a huge incentive to not have kids at a wedding.

Personally, I would rather have kids at my wedding, then have a perfect wedding, and I would definitely rather be inclusive of kids than lose and alienate family members.

Likewise family members should understand when a couple chooses to only have an adult only ceremony and not break relationships because they can’t bring their kids

The bigger shift is the couple paying for the wedding. If mom is paying, the grand kids and nieces and nephews are part of the deal because wedding have traditionally been family reunions

That is also a very good point. Adding to that, people are spending more than they can afford on a wedding and many times that goes to make things picture perfect even if it’s over budget and it takes precedence over inviting relatives.

The interesting thing to me is picture perfect would totally include kids. Some adorable kids in their little tuxedo or a dress that is modeled after the bridesmaids... with their little bouquet or ring on a pillow... dancing on daddy's feet... it's so cute! That's so much more fun than super-posed adult pictures.

Ummm..no it is not.🤮

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

How is this disrespectful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

+1 That previous poster seems to be majorly projecting and having some kind of personal beef which they can't separate from how the majority of weddings actually work in real practice. There have not been multiple posters talking about very angry brides/ grooms "throwing tantrums". This is not happening on the regular. I think this is personal to this poster, which is sad. They need to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

+1 That previous poster seems to be majorly projecting and having some kind of personal beef which they can't separate from how the majority of weddings actually work in real practice. There have not been multiple posters talking about very angry brides/ grooms "throwing tantrums". This is not happening on the regular. I think this is personal to this poster, which is sad. They need to let it go.

The anger is overwhelming on one side. Just on this page not inviting someone kids leaves people feeling burned and disrespected. These are very emotional responses to a wedding invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

What behavior? Politely declining an invite, and sending a gift? That’s what I did, and the bride freaked out.

It is weird how you want to put forth this myth that all brides are fully rational and polite people when the term “bridezilla” exists for a reason. Your refusal to believe that some brides have appalling manners is weird.

So tell more about your one personal experience with this. You haven't shared yet; you're just saying it happens all the time. What happened to YOU?
How long have you known the bride and in what context?
Were you supposed to be a special role in the wedding?
What were your own personal reasons for declining?
What did you convey to the bride when you decline? Simply RSVP Regrets or something else?
Are you young? When did this happen? Was social media involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

Really ask yourselves if the bride/groom (or bride/bride, or groom/groom, people…I’m the first to mention those possibilities in a dozen page) care, or if their parents care. When I wasn’t able to go to my cousin’s destination wedding, she understood completely but her mother called my mother and was worked up in a right froth over it. (My parents weren’t able to go, either, which is rather the point of many a destination wedding.)

If you truly want a large group of family/friends to attend your wedding, you do not do a destination wedding, or if you do, you must offer to pay airfare, meals, hotel for all.
Otherwise, the entire point of a "destination wedding" IMO is to cull the guest list and get rid of people/family who you don't care if they attend...it's an easy way to to get your 40 person wedding when you have a large extended family (half of whom the B/G may not have met more than once or at all).

LOL! So many delusional people.